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Show Page B2 THE DAILY HERALD, Ftw. Utah, Suday, April 28, 1996 Babies who are bounced around in day care guide: may have problems later, psychologist says "I have to know where to go and tell the dog. The dog knows meters and steps, curbs, parking around them, says Tamtakes you mie. '"When the steps start the dog (Continued from Page Bl) By VEUNOA SACKS Knight-RiddNewspapers er As a working mother who has had to leave each of her children in day care before they turned 1. I was prepared to dislike Isabelle Fox long before I met her. Fox is the author of Being There: The Benefits of a Stay-at-Ho- Parent (Barron's, $8.95), w hich preaches the importance to children of hav ing one of their parents home with them for the first three years. She says it's crucial to infants' physical and mental health. But her book actually focuses more on what she calls "caregiver the constant changeroulette" over of those who watch over our kids than the negative effects of parents working: With more than half the mothers of young children now employed, according to the U.S. Census Bureau, the book is likely to give pause to both mothers and fathers of young children. Fox, a Los Angeles-are- a psychologist, says she was compelled to w rite her book in response to the increase in troubled young children she was seeing in her practice. Their problems, she believed, were a result of not receiving nurturing care from one person during the earliest years of life. Fox feels so strongly about her theory that she advises new parents to borrow money, put their careers on hold and put off buy ing things, if necessary, so that one of them can stay home. "When we don't give children a warm welcome into the world," she says, quoting a colleague, "they tike it out on the world later. The cost of putting children who cannot talk yet in large day even high quality care centers ones or subjecting them to a society, tha pressure is to ecquire a new houco, a better cer, put the children in upscale schools. And all those things are costly. That's what gets advertised. Ve forget about the real needs of infants." Isabelle Fox. "In our consumsr-ortente- d author That is what I have been seeing in my practice." To back her claims. Fox cites such experts as pediatricianauthor T. Berry Brazelton and Edward Zigler, Yale director of the Bush Center for Child Development and Social Policy. The many studies she refers to all indicate that children placed in day care for more than 20 hours a week without one consistent caregiver suffer significantly. For those parents who must work, she argues, seeking one primary caregiver is imperative. "If you don't establish a secure relationship with a caregiver, it's like a time bomb." says Fox. "I'm not here to denigrate feminism, but the 1950s and 1960s were better times for children." To dramatize her argument in "Being There." Fox uses narratives like "Timmy's Story:" series of care givers, is Parents she who do so says. high, risk their children of depresat put sion, aggression, learning probin-ho- lems, and difficulties forming intimate relationships. "My book is going to be very controversial." she acknowledges during a Palo Alto, Calif., interview that is part of her national book tour. "In our consumer-oriente- d society, the pressure is to acquire a new house, a better car. put the children in upscale schools. And all those things are costly. That's what gets advertised. We forget about the real needs of long-lastin- g infants." Fox attributes violent crime among children, poor school performance and skyrocketing rates of adolescent substance abuse at least in part to the kind of care children receive in their first three years of life. first-perso- n "One day when 1 was about 4 months old and beginning to trust the way things would go during my day, my mommy went back to work," she writes. , "Betty, a new lady, came to give me my bottle, hold me, and diaper me. I did not like it at all. Why did my mommy go away? I cried a lot to try to get my mommy or daddy back to take care of me. I cried longer and harder than I ever did before. "After a long, long time, my mommy did come home. I was glad to see her, but she left again the next day. I guess I just wasn't so special to her anymore." While we parents might bristle at such a passage (did Fox interview babies for their stories?), the author claims she's not try ing to make working moms and dads feel guilty just making a point more compelling. I expected a big response (to the book), and I was nervous." says Fox. who stayed home for 10 years with her own three children before returning to work at the Western Psychological Center in Encino. Calif. "I thought I would be confronted on TV and radio (during her book tour), but what people have been saying is. At last someone has the courage to write this."' In an ideal world. Fox says, parents would not put their children into day care until they reach the toddler stage and can talk, so they can tell you if they are unhappy with the caregiver or the center. Ann's book compiles requested columns Dear Readers: Rarely does a day go by that I don't receive at By JEANE DIXON For April 29 W: Learn from .ARIES (Marvh )om mistakes without dwelling on them. A setfet love affair may he difficult to resist. IXxttHe-i'hetk directions it' driving to a business appointment. 20): Banish that jjAl'RtS (April 20-M-a monster known as jealousy. A gretn-yeconfident approach will attract admirers. Showcasing your special talents will help you fmj new financial hacking. 4.KMIM (May 21 June 20i: Although CvsVI luck flows iii your direction, you may nciad to help il along. Constraints surrounding a relationship cause you to think twice ahout coiitinuine it. CANCER (June 2 July 22): You need rms more than most people. An attractive memhef of the opposite sex could hae you damming ahout settling down in a cottage. Are you really ready for a permanent commitment? LEO (July g 22): Money is tight. Yi may have to spend some cash in order to pnfre the pump. The best business partner nu? he right under your nose. The less vihi compromise your principles, the hetter' t. VIRGO (Aug 22l: You have energy to hum. L'se it judiciously. Setting priorities will keep you from spinning your lels. A opportunity could present itself. i. LIBRA (Sept 22t: Good deeds crvalc good will. Expressing your positive fcchngs in a letter or phone call could work wnflders. Stylish professional attire hoosts iuf imane. 2 1: Your drive M ORPIO (Oct .mXdcsire will make exciting things happen rv at work and in romance Take the express train to success by acting on your convictions. Give your loved ones the henefit ol ffie douhi. SAGITTARIL'S (Nov. 22 Dec. 21): I oft and luck bloom today. A friend encour-j- s vou to become more competitive. Resist pee pressure. A clever idea or dramatic move vvilj produce the results you seek. Strike w laic the iron is hot. APRICORN (Dec. 22 Jan. The i.iiport you want can he established now. MAing your views known in a calm way will hclj you take charge of a situation. Hold off 1'imuknig new purchases. A flirtation could prije unwise AOlARIl S (Jan 18: You are lncjhly creative and expressive. Take steps to pneci your ideas and projects. Put the g touches on a current assignment before st.imng a new one. Your partner is more supportive than in recent days. 2l You votce PISCES (Feb. ynji views very convincingly today. Acanns appoach captivates a loved one Share your sci&t ambitions with that special someone. Tli nesting instinct is stronger than in the p.i'J. Scrulinie real estate ads. s: J The most frequently requested column in the collection is "Dead at Seventeen." the essay written from the perspective of a young least 50 requests to repeat a specific column. "I should have cut it out." writes a reader from Philadelphia, "but I didn't realize when I read it that I would be in the exact same spot that Wisconsin Woman was in." "Please, Ann," writes Desperate in Detroit, "run that column about herpes again. For obvious reasons. I can't talk to anyone I things are politically correct in your household. You are certain to get a laugh out of the letters in the chapter titled "Pssst! Want to Buv a Porsche for $50?" The Oiher chapters are: "Love, Marriage and the From Hell." "Columns from the Bedroom." "Children: A Mixed Blessing know about this. I need the address of the organization that helps peo-pie- ." Advice Columnist And here's another one: "You printed a column about rape last week, and there's a lot of talk about it in the office. I was away on vacation and didn't see it. Can in a you mail that column to me plain envelope, please? I think I w as raped by a guy I broke up w ith recently, but I'm not sure." ho died in a car crash w hile driving recklessly and woke up in a morgue. That column first appeared Sept. 13, 1971, and I have repeated it by popular request several times since. "Dead at Seventeen" is in the chapter "Play It Again. Sam." along with many more of your fav orites. Some of the most difficult letters I have had to deal with appear in the chapter called "The Nightlad After receiving thousands of letters asking for back columns, it daw ned on me that I should gather the ones most frequently requested and put them between hard covers. And that is exactly what I did. The book is a collection of w hat I consider the best columns that span my 40 years of w riting. If you are a longtime reader, you are sure to recognize some of your favorites perhaps the very ones you meant to cut out but didn t. It will be ike running into an old friend. paper - and decide w hether or not w mare of Physical Abuse and Rape." I'll never forget the letter from the young widowed mother who was beating her son. She wondered w hether to give him up for adoption or learn to be a good mother. In "Where in the World Did That Sock Go, and What About My Husband's Shorts?" you can read about the tissue issue -- - the debate over how to hang toilet -- DAY DAY DAY DAY IS IS IS IS MAY MAY MAY MAY a copy. Feel good about 12TH, 12TH, 12TH. 12TH. asked, 'Don't you think you 's should take it back?'" At obvious confusion, the lady continued, "How much does it cost to rent her?' Eventually Tammie realized the lady was concerned about her stealing the guide dog! Shopping w ith a guide dog can be a little more complicated than eating out. Reggie looked pretty comical in Kmart one time while shopping with Ann. The pair was walking through the women's lingerie section and somehow a piece of flimsy material became caught in his harness. "I felt around on Reggie and thought, "Omigosh. there's underwear hanging on him." she says. waits for you to stops. The dog find the step with your foot and then listens for your command to between guide dog and person does not take place immediately. Ann says it was hard to bond w ith Reggie. "I was used to getting around with a cane and the dogs are used to their trainers. The bonding process doesn't start until you get home. It took a good year before we could work as a unit." Tam-mie- Nobody in the store said a word about his "decoration." Reggie and Latoya know they are at work when they are in harness. Commands the guide dogs answer to by their ow ners are left, right, halt, heel, come, stay down, straight (if they feel the dog is veering off course) and hop up (if he is sniffing a bush or sees stray dog). Ann and Tammie each spent a month in San Rafael. Calif., at the guide dog school learning how the commands work and becoming acquainted with their dog. Tammie was sponsored by Orem High School and Ann by the Eagles for-war- d. Club. The dogs are in training for six months at the school before the visually impaired persons come. The training can be very stressful for the dogs because they are trained not only to obey but to disobey. If the dog sees danger ahead like a car coming or a low hanging branch of a tree, he is trained to stop or guide the person around it. Persons need to qualify for a guide dog. They need to be age 16 or out of high school and be responsible enough to handle the dog. said Tammie. "I'd turned and just barely 18 graduated high school when I got my guide dog. They really arc a blessing." she said. Some blind people don't w ant a She dog according to Tammie. describes their reasons as "Couldn't put my trust in a dog." or "They shed!" Tammie used a cane most of the time before her guide dog came. Ann still does use one occasionally. "The guide dog is an alternative to a cane, not a replacement." she said adding she uses a cane when she goes to an LDS temple or the grocery store, laundry or visits people at the hospital. AJ ice the girls give to sighted people: Don't be afraid to ask questions. Ann adds. "It takes a lot to offend blind people. We usually make jokes about our disability. And alw ay s ask before you pet our dogs." Thai's a cardinal rule: Do not touch a guide dog when he is in harness because he is working. Petting guide dogs at work distracts them. don't mind if tliey pet her. but they should ask first," says Tammie. "I have her sit and then she knows she's not working. It's kick back lime then you may pet her." "I - His, Hers and Ours," "I Love Pets, but an Iguana in the Bathtub?" "Straight Talk About Cancer. AIDS and Other Health "Mental Problems." Health: To the Edge and Beyond," "Addictions: The Wrecking Ball of Love. Health and Careers." "Age Is Only a Number. Babv." "Nice Work If You Can Get It." "Bury Me in My 1937 Dodge" and "No B.S.. No M.A.. No Ph.D., But I Got the J O B." The title of the book is "Wake Up and Smell the Coffee." The publisher is VI Hard, a division of Random House. The price is $23 in the United States. In Canada, the price is $32. If your bookstore doesn't have it when you read this, you can be reasonably sure they w ill have it soon after this column appears. If you cannot locate the book in your city, please call (U.S. only) to order INVITES YOU TO MOTHER'S MOTHER'S MOTHER'S MOTHER'S restaurants and says McDonald's always asks if Reggie can have a dog biscuit. 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