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Show Sunday. January 24, 1999, THE DAILY HERALD, Provo, Utah Page A! 1 Trial entertaining and educational Monica could bring a dose of sanity to trial When everyone was that newspapers and television news was spending much time on the 0 J. Simpson trial, I never thought with her friends at college? What does she think when she hears the details of her father's com-tf$ni- so. V . It was not only a fascinating Gry but I liked the idea that tWe whole country was in on it It pulled us together. We laughed at the same jokes about it. We ware focused on the same event anld learning about lawyers, judges , juries, justice and its miscarriage. We were learning Andy Rooney The O.J. Simpson trial was a lurid, titillating tale about the murder of a beautiful woman and better than a novel or a mvie because it was real. Now, when anyone talks about impeachment and says, "Let's get it over with and move on," I disagree. This drama about sex, lies and human frailty is fascinating and it isn't about a famous athlete or some anonymous petty criminal. It's about tte president of the United States, successor to such men as Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln and Roosevelt. And it's another great learning experience. The strange fact that we have "president who can be a states-nanlik- e giant in public and a noral dwarf in the back rooms )f ftie White House, forces us to vonder if there's some of that in jveryone, probably including maselves. iVe have not only learned a otebout how universal the good ina bad in all of us is, but we've earned things about our government and the men and women TO j THE EDITOR S ---19 abut human nature, too. f LETTERS I in charge of it that we never knew before. u Hyde was playing it and then it was revealed that he has also fooled around with a woman who wasn't his wife. The Republicans ditched Newt Gingrich and reporters found out that his replacement, Robert Livingston, had a sordid sex life that made Hyde look like a Boy Scout. It is apparent that Clinton's imperious attitude toward the House, the Senate and even toward the impeachment proceedings has angered Hyde and other senators . It angered me too but it is fascinating to watch these things unfold before our eyes on television. It is agonizingly interesting to consider the awkward position both Hillary Clinton and daughter Chelsea are in. How and why has Hillary endured her husband's persistent infidelity with different women over a long part of their marriage? Will she leave him when they leave the White House? Does Chelsea talk about this holier-than-tho- relationship with Monica? What does President Clinton think when he thinks about his daughter hearing it? Who finds this dull? Listening to this impeachment trial, Americans have learned more than they ever knew about the House and the Senate. They know there are 100 senators and they probably know the name of theirs now. They have seen firsthand what idiots some of them are. We've had a college education in the technicalities of impeachment and removal from office. We never knew what "impeachment" really meant We thought it meant the president is thrown out of the White House. We've learned it doesn't mean that. It's the first step in a long process that could result in his being removed. This is important stuff We should all cherish the privilege we have of watching, on live television, the proceedings attendant to the possible removal from office of the president we elected. This is as serious as anything gets in a democracy and I'm puzzled about why people are bored by it. It will be fascinating to see whether the guilty Bill Clinton, like O.J. Simpson, will be found not guilty. Privately, I hope so. Andy Rooney is a commentator on CBS' "60 Minutes." His column is distributed by Tribune Media Services. There's only one witness in 1 coaching in that department. "We've both paid a pretty steep price, too, and not just the legal fees. "And forget about ever meeting, like, a normal guy! No, it's always: 'Read me som'! more Walt Whitman, Monica,'; v or 'Let's see that beret, Carl Hiaasen Monica.' Yuk! "So, ladies and gentlemen, today I officially quit the cir-:- o cus. You already know more T about my private life than mylj the trial of William Jefferson Clinton that anyone outside Washington cares to hear, only one witness who can bring a dose of sanity to the proceedings. Here's what she ought to say: "My name is Monica Lewinsky and I have a brief statement to make: I'm done talking about Bill Clinton, OK? Not one more word. Two days I spent in front of Ken Starr's grand jury, and there's nothing left to tell. You already know about the gifts, the racy phone calls, the cigar trick, my thong underwear and, of course, the famous blue lying, lowdown horndog gynecolofft, and there's noth.--' ( ing I carMo add. You want more, then wait for my book. "And if you want to arrest 3 me for contempt, be my guest. '' Slap the handcuffs on me, right here on the floor of the n, United States Senate! The J(1. whole world already thinks you're nuts, and that would when . it comes to sex, but most Americans don't want him tossed out of office. "What you're running here is basically a charade a big, 1 expensive charade that's being conducted so a few obscure House members like Bob Barf and Bill McCollum that's right, nim-rodI'm talking to you can finally get your pious mugs on national TV. "I don't know about everybody else, but I've had it. Enough is enough. "I'm not going to sit here and try to explain what happened in that White House hallway, or defend it. I never claimed to be Audrey Hepburn, OK? Messing dress. "You know exactly how many times the president and I met, exactly wjhat we did and didn't do, and where we did and didn't do it. You've listened to my private phone conversations, you've confiscated my laundry, you've even snooped out what books I bought. "OK, so maybe there wasn't much to this relationship between me and the president, but every grubby detail has already been published, televised, faxed and all over the planet. I'm getting marriage proposals from rubber farmers in Ujunpandang, for cripe's sakes. "So I'm through talking about it. "Besides, everyone in this chamber knows the trial is a farce. Bill Clinton might be a t, 0-- make it official. "But if you're not going to ' arrest me, then I'll excuse now. unlike Because, myself you, I've got more interesting to do. So does the rest of the country, in case you hacj-- . n't noticed. "Want some free advice? Do s, s the nation a humongous favor and vote already. Get it over with. "Oh, one more thing: About me flashing my undies at the president. ... I bet lots of you guys would've reacted the same way he did. Even you, around with President Jethro wasn't the smartest thing I ever did, and I wasn't exactly eager for the whole world to find out. Neither of us was, and that's why we tried to keep it quiet. "But, as I testified before, the man never once told me to lie. Neither of us needed much jj i Senator Thurmond, and please stop winking at me." Carl Hiaasen is a columnist for the Miami Herald. r I We cleared I Why punish Weaver? up wireless. I applaud the comments of FrJvo resident Sherri Davis ljerding the Wendy Weaver They were and ! (a. Christ-like- The Sprint PCS thought-pro-olin- Free & Clear Plan gives . ( went to school in Spanish foijc, and had Wendy Weaver 4s & teacher. There was never 4 tftne when there was questionable behavior on her part, ih my opinion. 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If you happen to have a homosexual and you associate with that person, do you honesty think you will turn gay? I don't think so. Some parents cannot even fathom the idea that are learning about sexual identity issues in the classroom. I don't think they arfklearning them at home either. Wouldn't it be better if correct facts were taught in the classroom, instead of learning correct or incorrect fadts on the street? J children grow up so sheltered and protected from real life issues, they will not be able to function as normal work the same way wherever I ntroducing you go on our network. The Sprint PCS Free & Clear Plan :c rr with free long distance. Sprint PCS built the only 100 digital, 100 PCS nationwide then-childre- n network from the ground up for a new level of clarity. II. Hear the difference today. Sprint . The clear alternative to fi. 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