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Show J RANA LEHR EDITOR: L r La LJ LJ L.J . THE DAILY HERALD 3 SATL RI)AY MNL'ARY ii l i Try making B commitment your 1999 resolution i - i . 2. stj j xeM. "1 BY MISTY WISE Your business partner invites you to watch the World Series on his big screen TV the same night as your son's soccer game. Commitment toward family compels you to go to your son's soccer game. The justification for missing one game is easy, he has "soccer every other week, you've been to most of the other games, you won't miss the next one. To make it up to him you'll take him to McDonald's, etc. On a Friday night, Jan feels too tired to follow through with the commitment to go to the hockey game r i rcr j mi with John. "Why don't you just invite Steve to go with you and I'll stay home?" she suggests. She may not be the most energetic companion, but keeping her commitment is important to her. With the New Year approaching, we have a tendency to reflect on what we really want in life and how we can obtain it in the new year. May I suggest one resolution that will strengthen your marriage and family practice COMMITMENT. IN MY experience with families, I find that the lack of commitment or misplaced commitment causes the bulk of marital and familial break-dowFor the man who "stepped-out- " on his wife, I ask myself, "Isn't e he committed to her?" For the the mother with family, weeks while her 4 working young children are tossed into day care, I wonder, "Where is her commitment?" Dr. Bernard Poduska explains that, "Your relationship is based on commitment if you have agreed to allow your partner unlimited access to your resources, even if to do so becomes inconvenient." Resources in our lives include our time, love and companionship. Society attempts to substitute such resources with entertainment. As in the case scenario with Jan, there was not a substitute adequate enough for her companionship although she tried to have her husband's friend go instead. Often, we may feel we are committed after all, "I work all day to please them!" The commitment may be there, but where? To what are we committed? Are we committed to work, friends or others more than we are to our spouse and children? Often, a person will think, "I AM committed. How dare she think that I am not! I work all day for the sake of our family." However, commitment is not to the family, it is misplaced to being committed to work. n. r 't COMMITMENT IS difficult because we don't want to let people down and often the expectations we have to meet are difficult to live up to. Being committed can cause stress and added pressure in our already demanding lives. With these disadvantages, why should we be committed to marriage and family? By strengthening our commitment to marriage and family, we increase our sense of joy and fulfillment. Commitment helps people to act in more predictable ways, which increases dependability. It creates trust and intimacy and encourages kindness. Commitment eases the fear of abandonment. How do we practice commitment? Focus on one positive quality each day. Spend one night a week together as a family. Sincerely compliment members of your family. Write a letter expressing your love. Forgive. Be dependable and keep your word. With this thought in mind, may you and yours have a happy 1999! Misty Wise, CFLE, works FamilyFocus. '1 at - .v i y :.w i A . J r r, r, mmmn Km -- um i... . J t .,' ... . 1 . ' , Jtil .. KEVIN l.FEThe Daily Herald Music: Children at Adventure Time Jtow in Provo sing Christmas songs around a homemade "campfire" iM ft By GINGER WOOLLEY dual-incom- 60-ho- liiiTi Special to The Daily Herald i OUR well-bein- g h parents should select care If you know other parents using How child care, begin by asking questions about their experiences and consider their recommendations. However, it is critical that you follow through with your own research. Conduct telephone interviews with at least five or six providers and then visit at least three centers or licensed home care providers. Telephone zve (for home care the market! CENTER expert at identifying the elements e that spell quality. day-car- How most parents select care Since child care is a large ticket item In a family's budget, price is often the foremost concern on a parent's mind. Although a bargain price on laundry soap can be a great deal and the clothes don't suffer V from the cheap detergent, children do suffer when parents try to cut corners and opt for Tool time: Nichlas Nascimiento, left, care. and Conner Hart participate in the Another frequent consideration is Take Apart Center at Adventure Time a parent's convenience, especially in Provo in December. when young working families have "burned-out- " many daily demands. It must be child's day with a remembered that the 15 minutes of adult, not enough toys, too many driving time or $2 a day saved may other children or inadequate indoor translate into eight to 10 hours of a and outdoor play areas. All these V jVv AJtc ,li JJUTf, T. nt care GDnaDdl factors can be very destructive to a child's over a long period of time. down-the-roa- bargain-baseme- December. flgioaDD UTAH VALLEY If a parent knows how to selecjdiild care and takes the time to do it, they can give their child a head start on a strong and healthy mind, body and spirit. Investing in quality care can provide divd a child with more idends than the best mutual funds on By going through the Do's and Dont's, any parent can become an in provider)? Make certain that the center has a process for assessing an applicant's skills and abilities to work with young children. Do you provide training for your staff? Or if it's a home provider, do you participate in annual on-goi- training? More training translates into higher commitment and better skills. For example, a quality center should provide regular inservice training for their staff as well as supplementing the cost of outside training. Tell me about your daily curriculum. Children need a variety of activities that foster their natural curiosity and thirst for learning. This requires planning time and adequate resources. Make certain that the center is providing their teachers with paid time for curriculum preparation andor regular curriculum planning meetings. Try it out visits are a MUST! For a first visit, don't visit during the early mornings, late afternoons, meal times or nap times. At these times there aren't as many children and things are unusually quiet. When you go during busy times, look for the folOn-sit- e lowing: Stop and watch the caregivers. Do they seem happy in their jobs? Are they focused on the needs of the children? Do they interact frequent- ly and speak with warm tones? Would you like to spend the day with that caregiver if you were a child? Do they have the type of personality that will work with your child's? Do cared-fo- r the children seem happy, well and engaged in learning activities? A quality program will be reflected by the over-a- ll feeling you get as you take the time to watch the children and how happy they seem. See CHILD, C3 Berry Brazelton leads the charge on diapers for preschoolers are its own this fall emblematic of a dramatic difference in the way we raise By KIM BOATMAN Knight Ridder N vspapers Dr. T. Berry Brazelton can't walk down a street these days without being besieged by enthusiastic and grateful parents. Just what sage bit of advice from Brazelton, this generation's parenting guru, has moms and dads so excited? It's not a pithy nugget of wisdom, it's a diaper. Brazelton is the spokesman for the new size 6 Pampers disposable diaper, which stretches the frontiers of diaperdom to kids over 35 pounds. And seldom has the introduction of a commercial product so tidily represented a major shift in . American culture. These capacious diapers Huggies hit the market with Waiting for junior ented toilet learning. Pampers is using it as a marketing tool for the new diakids. pers. Brazelton said he understands the danger that And it's not the Suzuki viohis work as a pitchman could k lin lessons, daughter tell her when affect his reputation. (He is preschools or computer software for toddlers. It's potty the time is right. closely involved with Procter & Gamble Co. in other arenas who runs Little Spillers, training. A 1962 Brazelton study Foot Day Care in Santa as well.) But he believes this subpublished in Pediatrics, the Clara, Calif., finds most of journal of the American her charges haven't mastered ject is vital. So, in TV spots, Academy of Pediatrics, one of life's basic functions Brazelton touts the new diafound about 90 percent of. until after age 3. pers, advising parents to kids were out of diapers by Experts cite a number of "Listen to your child." "I'm saying it isn't our A study published last factors for this shift: the year in Pediatrics found advent of comfy, leakproof deal, it's the child's deal," only 22 percent are trained disposable diapers that give Brazelton said in a recent by that age now. And almost children no inclination to phone interview. "Parents half of boys weren't trained train; our hectic lives; and ought to be relieved of being the Brazelton-le- d charge to under pressure to get their by age 3. heed kids more rather than kids trained." The size 6 nappies, considerably bigger than the size dictating their develop' Stressful 5s, will fit children larger ment. For parents, potty trainMost child development than today's average child-or- i advocate ing often represents the experts "I'm kind of more relaxed and waiting for the child," says Telena Spillers, who pushed her two teen-agebut says she'll let her rs fast-trac- 2. most angst- - and anxiety-ridde- n experience of their child's early years. If there's a copy of "Everyone Poops" in your household, this is readily understandable. If not, merely cruise the parenting aisle of any bookstore, log onto parents' forums on the Internet or simply listen to parental conversations that turn alarmingly often to the body functions of toddlers. A good number of the calls to the parent informa- referral center at Salter Packard Children's Hospital at Stanford deal with potty training. tion Lucile "I've been in pediatrics for 20 years. Fve seen the gamut (of questions)," said regis- See DIAPER, C3 |