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Show 18 Psge - THE HERALD, Provo, Utah, 6, 1985 Friday, September Timely news, columns, features and social issues concerning the culture. Today full cancer Struck and Friends By RENEE C. NELSON Herald Today Editor It has been charged that wives and mothers who pursue careers often i j it out of selfishness. Statistics indicate to the contrary, with over 90 percent of them working out of need. Now there is another side of the coin. According to a recent report by UPI Feature Writer Iris Krasnow, "It is not only domestic tuggings that cause financially independent women to abandon careers. Some say it's purely for selfish mo- reason to step off the fast track. She found that the transition was easy, just as many women find it easy to give up a career. Usually women have these developed a vast reservoir" of interests which they can continue to pursue after they leave the career. "I began to do a lot of things I d no-wi- n wrote for prominent journals, served on all the "right committees," and was earning close to 160,000 a year. "I was doing so well, I was afraid I'd never stop," she remem- bers. her doctor husband had an opportunity to become, a resident at a Dallas hospital, Cohen encouraged the move so that she'd have a When always wished I could do if 1 didn't work," she says. "Like being committed to an exercise program, running every day." Like many career women, she also had an interest in the arts and volunteered at the Dallas Museum of Art. "I wasn't taking bubble baths all day. I was doing kinds of activities that were fulfilling to me. 1 was never bored." Taking time off to indulge herself helped mentally prepare her for childrearing. When her first - anti-pagea- nt reporters watched her answer the questions after asking them via a phone link. Michael Sherlock, executive vice president of technical operations for NBC. said the news conference marked the debut of satelthe network's new lite, which allows NBC to broadcast events like this from either New York or Burbank, Calif., simultaneously to its 175 affiliates. Miss Wells also defended the pageant's swimsuit competition as a display of the contestants' physical fitness. "Believe me, the swimsuit competition is not held because of (a contestant's! measurements." said Miss Wells, whose year as Miss America ends Sept. 14. "I wouldn't be here if it was. It's to show the physical fitness of the contestants. "We can't have someone representing the women of America rolling out on stage." The blonde Miss Wells, wearing a red dress, red scarf and a smile despite often repetitive questions, also admitted the constant media exposure and public appearances can wear a Miss America down. In the last year, the Brigham Young University student has logged 250.-00- 0 miles on four continents. "It's like being at a wedding reception every day, but without the groom," she said. "I just had to take each day as it came, and some of them were hard." Ku-Ba- Thorn 50th Anniversary J. Roe a:id Lydia (Dally) Thorn were married 50 years Thai-ma- n '""'"J iiniBwuuumiii.wmiuttimiiiiiiiii.-iiiii.ii.i- l discover the cure for cancer, have five children, have a good marriage, play golf twice a week, and eat right," she says. "The pioneer women were really the original superwomen, and sure, they had seven kids, plowed 90 acres, baked bread, made dresses, but they all died sheared sheep at age 38." Some women remain in their career because they believe it would be selfish to quit. This was the case of Sara Imershein, 31, a Washington gynecologist, who feels a social responsibility to her profession to practice medicine at least until she's 60. "Because women have fought hard enough to gain positions in medical schools, we should fulfill our responsbilities." Her peers feel the same way, she adds: don't know a single doctor who has dropped out of medicine to have a family. But many have chosen different kinds of practices that are very easy to work such as a laboratory kind of job, or work with a health maintenance organization." Imershein wants children, but will plan on employing live-i-n help. "We plan to use part of my income to pay for child care." These women are all clear where their priorities lie. Like most other professional women, they want children and they want the best for these children. So what is selfishness for a woman? Is it a career or is it giving up a career? Women can't return to the pioneer era. And most of them wouldn't want to... nesses. Psychologsts point out that overall fulfillment can only come from realizing one's limits, and too often women today are driven beyond those limits. They can't accept the fact that they can't have it all. Krasnow also draws on Marina Newmyer, 35, a full time public relations partner in a Washington management consulting firm. She took two maternity leaves with each of her children, ages 4 and 6. "You are not going to be able to six-mon- th Dear Ann Landers: I feel so alone I pray you will print this letter and respond so I might know if there are others in the same predicament. My husband has had cancer for seven years. When he was diagnosed, dozens of friends, colleagues from work, family, people from clubs we belonged to and church members called and visited us. Time has passed. His hospital stays are more frequent. Hardly anyone comes over. The family has virtually disappeared. The loneliness is unbearable. Watching someone you love deteriorate is very painful. To feel abandoned adds to the misery. People make excuses. They say, "I can't handle it. I'm no good at saying anything. I have a hard time dealing with cancer." SO WHAT!? My husband does not talk cancer 24 hours a day. He'd love to converse with someone from the outside world. Even a phone call is a welcome break in a long dreary day. As for me, no one wants to discuss my problem. People cut me off with. "It's so depressing. ll Spare me the details." Or, pray for him.". If this letter makes one person telephone or visit someone who is terminally ill it was worth the effort it took to write it. Sign me Disheartened In The Midwest Dear Disheartened: I don't mean to sound cruel, but everyone has his own life and his own troubles. From the time your husband was diagnosed, I wonder how many met a others in your circle i B FT 1r niiwii'rrr " v"'i Steve 01 sen Photo Gino Heads for Pageant Gina Larsen, Miss Utah 1985, will leave for the Miss America at 9:05 a.m. on Pageant in Atlantic City, N. J. on Saturday American Airlines flight 624. Thursday evening she modeled some of the fashions she will wear at the pageant, which will followed by a begin with a press conference Monday morning rehearsal for the TV spectacular Saturday night. Mr. and Mrs. R. Roe Thorn children, and enjoys gardening. They are parents of five children: Roger R. Thorn, LaPorte. t. Indiana; Mrs. David Maris Spanish Fork; Charles D. Thorn. Springville; Ray K. Thorn. Long Beach. Calif.: and Christian T. Thorn (deceased i. They have 27 grandchildren and four greatgrandchildren ( i fie unfulfilled, s - middle-age- man. d I was never able to do the things I wanted to do because I was stuck in a business owned by my I suspect my wife feels as trapped COUCHES s. as I do. I did grow to care for her and the boy, but I can't help but wonder what I missed because of one reckless night. By the way, I was not her "first," but she was mine. I've had a few minor affairs over the years and one that was serious, but I couldn't marry the woman because of circumstances. Let this be a lesson to your impetuous readers. Think of the long-terconsequences before you jump in the sack. I wish I had. Daydreaming In Colorado Dear Colorado: Thanks for sharing your story. I'm sure you have made a great many young people and some stop and think today older ones, too. Dear Ann Landers: This has been a problem throughout our daughter's teen years and it is still going on. We buy "Mary" lovelv clothes because she enjoys being Ann Landers similar fate. out of every four people alive today will get cancer at some time during his or her life.) It is unrealistic to expect family and friends to hang in there for seven years. Your best bet is to be imaginative about keeping your lives as full as possible. Do invite folks over on the days your husband is up to having visitors. Don't wait for them to come on their own. Good luck and God bless. Dear Ann Landers: My wife and I went to high school together in the '50s. A month or so after a big July Fourth weekend she whispered the magic words, "I'm pregnant." So, like all the jerks of that era. I married her. I figured on getting out later but our son was i just couldn't leave. So what happens now? My life is more than half over and I'm an (One well-dresse- and has excellent d taste. All Mary's girlfriends ask to borrow her clothes. "June" wants a handbag fcr the weekend. "Ruth" borrowed her new sneakers and a hooded jacket. Often after visiting in our home they walk out wearing these borrowed items. My complaint: These girls never return anything. Pve telephoned ther mothers and they say they don t know anything about it. So I end up driving several miles to get my daughter's clothes back. Al Dear Perp: The solution is obvious. Tell Mary she is getting nothing new unless she promises no more lending. This goes for all her belongings. Mary can Jhen tell her friends when they ask, "Sorry, my mother has lowered the boom. I can't lend anything to anybody. I promised." Dear Ann Landers: I've been stuck in a dead-en- d relationship for I are both in and Mike eight years. our mid-40His apartment is spotless because his mother cleans it every 1 day. She also does his laundry. cook for him Monday through Friday, He takes me to some nice restaurants on weekends. Whenever I mention marriage Mike says, "Why? Everything is great the way it is." What are my s. chances of getting this man to marry me? Please be frank. Fingers Crossed In Lima Dear Lima: Why should Mike buy a cow when milk is so cheap? If marriage is what you want, look elsewhere. This guy has made It he likes everything the plain way it is. Take his word for it. uuuu s ii a $ s v u u m . none; ...... j.ir.aiw 3 El ' AB?M ROOM mit Ml K I or; rv"-- m J Free Deodorizer - "L95 c acc DO PC 268-060- 155 EAST 6100 SOUTH C I I 21 PC i ; ripped and out of shape. I have talked to Mary about this many times. She says she can't refuse because her friends put her on the spot. It doesn't seem to matter that blouses, jackets, jewelry, jeans, etc., are personal items and they cost a lot of money. Do you have a solution? Perplexed In Virginia fc c ; : most always they are soiled, nc a ; Lose Inspiration Gro-tegu- I ; day-lon- g Get i I 1295 I Career Women May r I Any 2 rooms r : I nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnco?isH:!if:; I I I I ,V, j '. ! nuuunuuunuuuuuuuuunuuuu I I ft I fiSTEAM 4- Selfish? Is It anniversary). Earlier in August, when their children from out of state could come to Utah, they had a reunion and celebration and were presented with a memory book put together by their children. Roe was born in Springville and is the son of Jasper H. and Elsie Huntington Thorn. He has worked most of his life on industrial construction as a steamfitter. They have lived in many places, principally California, Tooele and Springville. He is a High Priest Group Leader in the First Ward, Kolob Stake. Lydia, known to many as Dally, was born in Logan. Her parents were Swiss immigrants, Robert and Lena Harri Thalman. Lydia had a hair salon in Springville at the time of their marriage. She has worked in the LDS Church in many positions. She has made manyquilts for her children and grand- f ?t nine-to-fiv- e, bw ago today in the Logan Temple of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-da- y Saints. Today is also Roe's birthday (If he married on his birthday he wouldn't forget his i i Marina Newmyer Public relations executive Sharlene Wells Reflects On Year as Miss America Miss AmerNEW YORK (API ica 1985, Sharlene Wells, says she's backlash durseen no ing her yearlong reign stemming from the published nude photographs of Vanessa Williams. "The American people know that is not the norm, and it has not affected the image of Miss America," she said at a Tuesday news conference where she shared top billing with a new satellite broadcasting system. Miss Williams was forced to resign her crown in 1S34 after the photos of her with another woman were published in Penthouse magazine. The remainder of her year's reign was filled by her runner-up- , Suzette Charles of New Jersey. Miss Wells, a former Miss Utah, also said suggestions that her selection was made because of her "conservative. Middle American values" were ridiculous. "I've been asked constantly and told constantly that's why I was picked, because I'm squeaky clean and I laugh, and goody-good- y because that is such a naive question," she said. "Does that mean the other 50 girls were immoral?" Miss Wells fielded questions for nearly 90 minutes from reporters in Philadephia. Baltimore, Miami, Houston, Salt Lake City, Seattle, Los Angeles, Denver, Sacramento, Calif., Tampa. Fla., St. Paul, Minn., and Fort Worth. Texas. The sei-ice- "Pioneer women were really the original superwomen. They had seven kids, plowed 90 acres, baked bread, made dresses, then they died at age 38." sheared sheep tives." So it is a situation. If they work it is selfish and if they quit a promising career, it is selfish. To prove his point, Krasnow cites Jane Cohen, 36, who left her New York job two with her years ago and 'husband to Dallas. "I quit for me,' she admitted. "I was getting burned out: I could feel myself losing inspiration." Cohen was running one of the largest medical libraries in the country, was on the faculty of the Mt. Sinai School of Medicine, baby was born last February, she lclt. "OK, now that I've taken time off for awhile. I'm willing to devote my time to a child." She has also gone back to work part time as head of her own company. "Jane Can Do It," a s firm offering miscellaneous to individuals and small busi- - Left sugammouse 103.3 EAST ? 100 SOUTH c HOLLADAY 4700SO ? 1X1 1 w nuui r JrH- -, HIGMIANODH (.liMt r o5t 6 40i.n7nn TOT O f 0 2702846 U DIM 225-775- 0 703 SOUTH STATE 0GDEN 3354 HARRISON WEST VALLEY 31,81 MARKET ST Jb MUNIH Mt MbtHbHIH I BLVD - aoh-rir- o I J UWU 0661388 mm wm mm ni |
