OCR Text |
Show It! THE GREEN SHEET Thursday, February 13, 1986 The Miracle Of In Six Connie By I give up! The pretense is over! I am not fooling anyone any longer. I am completely out of control. My body has taken over and is Issuing all of the orders. I feel as if my brain cells are giving in one by one. I look in the mirror and see someone who from the back looks a great deal like either a Japanese summo wrestler or perhaps one of the latest American ProWresting maybe "Kid Superstars Tonga." I am also not certain whether the person I see reflected in the glass is wearing a Stages Sf owe Burrup pondered my miserable state. Why, I asked myself, do women need to suffer in this manner? It seems a cruel joke, conjured up I am certain by some male chauvinist force with sadistic tendencies. Children and babies are such wonderful things. I also believe that here in Utah motherhood is oft times taken for granted and is usually an undervalued privilege. But I am certain that I could muster up a firm appreciation of my offspring without personally having to experience the "joys" of pregnancy. Now I realize that there are those of you out there of the female gender who actually sail through your pregnancy with enthusiasm and vigor. You seem to glide through the months with glowing cheeks, a sparkle in your eyes and of course wearing shoes. You also wear maternith clothes that look absolutely darling and that are never baggy in the rear. You ladies are truly disgusting. You give the rest of us more human counterparts a very bad image. I am more in sympathy with those of you who know what the inside of a toilet bowl looks like from those daily bouts of morning sickness during the first few weeks. I feel for those of you who have to search for a maternity shirt that will cover the stretch panel in the front of your pants. I am the kind of pregnant person who could benefit from a stretch panel in the back of the pants in order to accommodate a large portion of my body. Mind you, I don't want to belittle the awesome process of a baby coming into the world. We are all contunually humbled by that particular miracle of humanity. I merely want to suggest that the process of getting from step B to the final run is less than enchanting. I won't comment on step A (which always seems unrelated at the time) . Next week I'll reveal my belief that there are actually six stages to a "normal" pregnancy. aer-boi- "i Jf J V mask or if by some chance that pale blotched material could actually be skin. My husband even commented the other day that perhaps I could color my hair. It used to be red, but is currently nondescript. How can I explain this condition? What can I say? Herein lies the problem, dear Reader. I have reached that magical, and mysterious seemingly endless plateau known as the last few weeks of pregnancy. I have really tried to hang in there. It seems I've been waddling around and breathing deeply for weeks trying to maintain a vague semblance of control, but alas I tonally realize I must throw in the towel. The last straw happened on career ladder day. You know, the day when all of your older . children stay home to torture you. Anyway, close to noon, as I wandered about the house with my bathrobe still on, bleary-eyefrom my third nap of the morning, I was called to the door by to speak with the my mayor of West Jordan who just happened by with some press releases for me. What humiliation. . As the credibility of my life and criT career il"jHilin WELCOMED . . . Sara Torn.r moat, with Nancy Cordon and Wait Jordan's first now cltli.n of 1984. cs WEST JORDAN. Welcome Wagon hostess Sara Turner has greeted a new mother, Nancy Gordon and son Joshua Richard who was born New Year's day with gifts supplied by area businesses. Although Joshua came into the world too late to be proclaimed the official new year baby, he is still being singled out by Welcome Wagon International as the first baby born in 1986 to a West Jordan couple. This first baby call is just one of several special occasion visits made by the Welcome Wagon hostess. , pulling pregnancy endurance test. I wandered back to my place on the sofa (which is now per-- , manently Local businesses donate items and useful community information that can be taken to the newcomers in the area to acquaint them with the city. Welcome Wagon was founded in Memphis, Tenn. more than 50 years ago and derives its name from the conestoga wagons of the frontier indented) and million households annually throughout the United States. Louisiana Boiled Shrimp i Steak Dinner ENLARGED MURRAY PARTS DEPT. MOST BRANDS APPLIANCES ; Washers Dryers J Ranges ranees cas Microwaves PUTS Call Dailitiai MM1 Dishwashers 367-155- 1 . utmim you . II b tlAO yoc 2 mil J7 Ml l 4700 So. State, Murray taJ nnn UkJH 1 flJBQB ENJOY LUNCH or NIGHTLY DINING TAKE OUT ORDERS AVAILABLE Pizza & Italian food At Its Best 561-220- A$25 SlffPHMOB 1 3 TODAY Mon.-Thur- APPLIANCE out a wagon filled with provisions and gifts of greeting to meet the travelers with the hopes of attracting them to settle in their communi ty. Welcome wagon reaches over a iTS-iT- i ; Sirloin EN NO CREDIT CHECKS V days. As wagon trains neared a frontier community, townspeople sent fi VALENTINE SPECIAL flashed off the f i1' Joshua Richard Cordon at part of W.lcom. Wagon activities in tna community. and before me I realized I was not gracefully HT iiTi YnM i Welcome Wagon Is Active BRING THIS ADfOffi INSTALLATK rucc r. J PER WEEK L?riEE "V; 1i Libs, J I I d professional a." I 'Ifelgffff Friday-Saturda- y s. FREE CORKAGE ALWAYS Hours: 7200 H a.m. 10 p.m. I 1 a.m. - 12 Sunday 3 p.m. 9 p.m. -- p.m. South (Vi Block East of State MIDVALE |