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Show DAILY D4 HERALD Sunday, May 25, 2008 Is it OK to publicly shame strangers? i, Carolyn: I was wondering how you felt about speaking up to strangers who commit minor but nagging offenses against common courtesy. Is a gentle public shaming still I , appropriate? Almost every day, 1 encounter people who litter, block entrances while they talk on their cell phones, wantonly cut lines. Last week I saw a man (not apparently homeless) urinating in the street in broad daylight on my own block, and said nothing, How do the bounds of public order get set and maintained, if not by people speaking up (respectfully) when those bounds are crossed? Last week 1 turned around in an airplane seat and said politely but firmly to the woman behind me, who continued blathering on her cell phone even as the emergency video started playing, "You need to hang up now." She - did. I felt terrific! That leads me to wonder: What, if anything, should I say to the public urinator or the he-sp- jfcv,,.-."- Carolyn Hax Tell Me About It I'm all for gentle public shaming, but only for those who don't know or care that they're committing an offense. Not that you've suggested this, but license to shame is often mistaken for license to take down everybody, even those who are clearly apologetic and or overburdened. That's just high-roa- d rage. Even where civic shame is well deserved, it's important to navigate carefully between two boundaries: personal safe ty on one side, and personal on the other. nudg-etThe former is obvious. A y R.M. realistic calculation of your vulnerability has to precede anyone's decision to intervene. True for men and women-- big and small. Remember, we're addressing only "minor offenses here. The latter boundary is fuzzier, but requires a similar, on-- t gut calculation: Is this my battle to fight? As a rule, keep your crusades close to home when the offenses are against you or your patch of sidewalk, or when you've just got the angle. Like the yakker on your flight. Good choice, as is "Excuse me, the back of the line is r, here," to a proximate or "Excuse me, I think you dropped this" to line-cutte- CELEBRATIONS When one person vows to take on every single nagging offense against common courtesy, his stance at that moment becomes antagonistic and thus he becomes a nagging offense to common courtesy himself. in fense was accidental. Technically, that means it's not public shaming so much as public g Deor Carolyn: Afy boyfriend and I are the same height He thinks he is short and doesn't like me to wear heels that make me even the least bit taller. He doesn't say so, exactly, but he sulks if I try to wear them. Is it really my job to make sure he always is happy, or is it OK to be a "heel" once in a while? M. Whether you wear flats when you'd prefer heels, or wear heels when you'd prefer a date who wasn't sulking, dating someone immature will always cost you something. As always, it's a matter of deciding whether his other qualities are worth that particular price. ed. now y ou The response from the offender may still be unprintable. But then you just say "Have Carolyn at tellme a nice day," and pick up the washpost.com, or chat with h-- k trash yourself . Speaking up works best if everyone does a little bit. 28, Murray Heritage Center, 10 Meets GROUP: METAPHYSICAL Group held 6 p.m. Wednesdays, The Gathering Place, 251 E. 1200 South, Orem. FAMILY SUPPORT: p.m. Sundays in Provo. 9 E. 61 50 South, Murray. (360) 226-225- TUESDAY CLASS: Drs. John and Janet classGarrett (LMTs) teach Tai-C- TAI-C- PARITY: Awareness PROSTHETIC meeting, 7p.m. June 10, Orem Senior Friendship Center, 93 N. 400 East, Orem. Guest speakers include Rep. David Litvack and Dr. 8. Joseph Webster. 380-00- 1 : "Come Dance With Us" band plays 8-- 1 0:30 p.m. Tuesday evenings, Eldred Senior Center, 270 W. 500 North, Provo. and older welcome. College-ag- e WEEKLY DANCES: S5. es to all agesabilities 8:30-9:3- 0 a.m. Wednesdays, Mapleton City Center, 1 25 W. 400 North, Mapleton. Free. 836-282TOPS: TOPs support group meets 9:45 a.m. Wednesdays at Flying J Travel Plaza, 840 N. Main, Payson. Info: 465-247- THURSDAY 852-662- Public speaking dub, noon, Tuesdays, 3006 Indian Hills Drive, Provo. 318-030- TOASTMASTERS: Basic DIGITAL SCRAPBOOKING: PREGNANCY PAIN: Pregnancy pain relief advice is given by chiroprac tor Dr. Christopher Duncan at 7:30 p.m. the fourth Tuesday each month, Align Rehab & Wellness Center, 2230 N. University Pkwy., Suite 6B, Provo. Register digital photography and scrap-bookitechniques taught 8 p.m. Thursdays, 1 86 W. Center St., Orem. These are two week classes. $50. 224-471- 31, Adventure Church, 55 E. 400 North, American Fork. Benefits fund for new carpet. her online at noon Eastern time each Friday at www. washingtonpost.com. A.1 .j. VA"' Happy 90th Birtnday FAMILY HISTORY: Free classes. Grandpa Stan Taylor Congratulations! Thank you for your great example to our family all these years. We love you! RELAY for Form a team of 10 and support cancer research, Jufie 20, Payson City Park, Payson. WEDNESDAY Cystic Fibrosis SATURDAY FITNESS: National Senior Health & Fitness Day with health fair, speaker, prizes, 8 a.m. May SENIOR YARD SALE: Furniture, clothing, bake sale, 9 a.m.-- 4 p.m. May www.phputah.org. y best friend and I plan to dorm to gether at college. I was wondering if that's a 1 don't want to good idea silent auction with theme "We" Are Family Unity," 5:30 p.m. June 14, gardens of Bruce Bastian's home, Orem. Human Rights Campaign works to achieve gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender equality. Guests include Martha Walsh, Kathy get into fights. experience like college, Airplane show, picnic, baby contest 5K, golf, movies and water pistol fight June Springs. 830-741- 14-2- and you two will be lucky to have each other for this new chapter in your lives. That said, it's wise that you're thinking now about possible downsides to becoming roommates; living with anyone can be stressful but living with someone you know can sometimes be even harder. So channel your concerns into something positive: Invite your Saratoga ICE CREAM SOCIAL: Entertainment ice cream, musk; 8 p.m. June 21. Legacy Park, Alpine. $1 . www.alpinecommuni-tytheater.or- LACERS' GUILD: Academy Square Lacers' Guild meets 10 a.m.-- 1 p.m. the Foundation has Great Strides : walk-a-tho9 a.m.-- 1 p.m. June 7, Seven Peaks, Provo. www.cff.org. fourth Saturday, Provo at Academy Square, City Library Provo. 376-001- THAHK80IV INC P fj O t H FYI ran mm at t.su km (PG-- 4.901 0 1.BV I (IfcZI iff REUNIONS m ' 3K l T 1 12:45 MWK-HX1M- ' North Sevier High School: Class of 1 958 has 50th year class reunion. Info: (530) ronnad verizon.net Second Ward: Reminisce about Mi S:SI) 1:46 4:30) 731 1940s-50- 1KT0 10a.m.-4p.m.Ma- y 24, Second Ward LDS Church, 610 W. 300 South, Provo. GLOBAL AWARENESS: David M. Kennedy Center for International Studies hosts lectures at Herald R. UttS Noon May 28, Jason Lim, "Making a Difference Through Federal Service." 3 p.m. May 28, Michael A. Guhin, "Designing a Nonproliferation Strategy of the 21st Century." JONtS kKSl THE KINGDOM Of THE OmUlSKUU. WHAT HAPPENS IN (9:45 10:30111:1512:00 VEGAS IMS 11:10 11:55 1:45 2:254:15 INDIANA 30 4 1:30 2:15 3:00 3:45 05 6 45 7.30 5 15 HO 9:40 10:25 NARNiA: PSINd Caspian ikimdkitu SPUD IPG) HO 12:15 3:20 Clark Bldg, BYU campus. 9:15 HERITAGE PARK: This is the Place honors senior citizens with Tuesdays and noon-- 4 p.m. on field 1 . $35. trip on Thursdays. June 3, 5; Creepy Crawly Critters. June 10, 12: Rocks and Fossils. June 17, 19: Animals at Night June 24, 26: Trees and Leaves. parades, speeches, awards, picnics, 9 a.m.-- 5 p.m. May 24, 26. $6-$(801 ) 582-- 1 847. www.thsisthe-place.orCIVIL WAR ENCAMPMENT: Experience camp life, play soldier, storytelling, 1861 period games, CENTRAL UTAH GARDENS: 0 a.m.-- 4 gov. Classes free, but register: 226-7- 1 00. June 5, 6:30 p.m., Control Weeds. June p.m. May 24, 26. Camp Floyd State Park, 18035 W. 1540 North, Fairfield, 22 miles sout-weof Lehi, Hwy. 73. Museum entrance: $2. jamesseikelOutah. 1 19,6:30 p.m., Plants to Spice Up June 28, 1 1 a.m., Pruning Yard. Trees. OREM SUMMERFEST: UTAH LAKE FEST: Crafts, games, demos, aquarium display, music, boat tours, 1 0 a.m.-- 2 p.m. June 7, Utah Lake State Park, 4400 W. Center St., Provo. Free, www.' utahlakecommission.org. WILDLIFE ADVENTURES: Ages 6-Monte L. spend 10 a.m.-noo- n Bean Museum, BYU campus on Parade, entertainment carnival, food, baby contest cat show, 5K, Orem City Park. 226- June 13-18589. fireworks, ' ELEMENTARY stration, 8 a.m.4 p.m. June 16-1Timberline Middle School, 500 W. Canyon Crest Rd., Alpine. 422-614- $55-58- 5:00 4:50 7:45 9:20 10:10 ED CONFERENCE: Arts education for teachersadmini- 15 CINEMA NARNIA: versary of Camp Floyd with historic trail ride from Ft. Bridget Wyo. to 2:30 3:30 4:40 5:30 6:30 Ml 12:504:457:159:45 (10:35) 501:101:503:054:25 5 12:251:40 (10:40)11:30 MADE OF HONOR PKINCE (K) TRAIL RIDE: Celebrate 150th anni- 7:350:309:3010:30 11:30 3:40 7:00 10:15 CASPIAN IKON MAN 05 4:20 7:40 1 20 9:35 lAITMAMAlFC-l!12:05 ; 2 ) $130. Camp Floyd, June 20-2Reserve by May 20: (801) voylesfortdouglas.org. 9:50 V.'. Ml MAMA MAN IRON 11:35 2:20 4:50 7:25 9:50 Of CHRONICLES NARNIA: PRINCE (PC) 10:45 11:45 12 45 2 00 3 M CASPIEN 4:00 5:156:157:151:30 9:30 10:25 INDIANA JONtS 4 9:45 10:30 2:45 1:30 3:45 4:30 6 457 30945 10 30 (PG-- DIP 10:40 12:30 1:303:30 4:30 6:30 7:35 9:35 10:30 MADE OF HONOR 10:351:154:15 (PC-17:1010:05 LIMITED TIME OFFER io. 1:004:007:00 WHAT VEGAS IN 11:15 (Pt-1- 2:45 4:057:45 1:35 1025 12 5 1:104:25 7:1510:05 12 THE IAW K 00 5 7 40 30 55 7 05 to 5 7 30 4 40 Questions may be sent directly to Seventeen magazine at: dearseventeenhearst.com. 3 0 VAN1AM Hidden Screens, More Light Secure Multi-poiLocks 50 9 30 10:10 5 (I) 257:55 ()! POINT 10:15 4 Si ) 72C94S Easy to Operate Energy Efficient, Save $'s One Year No Interest INDIANA JONES 4 IRON MAN OHM NARNIA PG13-DL- P Showroom IIIV SOS N' 12(10 12:00 1:00 2.00 PG13-DL- P HAPPENS IN VEGAS 12:304:107.009 30 I'G13-DI- 201 71.1S P 4:305:45 7:008:00 10:00 10.05 10:30 SPEED RACER 4 toll fr V 12:301:004:107:009:3010:30 WHAT l'uh PG13-DI- 12:304 307:301000 2 ILNiri, V" 1:001:201:402:004:004:204:40 4:455:007:007:157:30 7:458:00 9:4510:0010:1510:45 MADE OF HONOR "4 v 223-705- i sq. ft each Swing in for Easy Cleaning 2 35 3:154:50 7 RUINS OitOWUiS 0UiIOAtn(G) JJ01I0S2O We're sorry that you're going through such a painful time right now, Susan. We're so happy that you survived, t Low E, Vinyl Frames, up (l 10 Name has been changed 10 Windows Installed 201:00 30 THE 30 Lynn, Mass. $2900 00 10:00 HAPPENS Upgrade Options: ) Teen Advice SPEED RACER IPG) IMuuKtfvlj) 21 Dear Seventeen y Will? 11ID01I 4t 120 4.30 7:00 4:35 The children of Larry Sheriff and Sally Clements Sheriff are pleased to announce the 50th Wedding Anniversary of their parents. They were married May 16, 1958 in Provo, Utah. Their children are: Susan (Brent) Barbakos of Orem, Greg Sheriff of Orem, Chris (Kristen) Sheriff of Spanish Fork, and Kelly (Leslie) Sheriff of Pleasant Grove. They have 12 grandchildren and 2 great grand- and our thoughts are with you during your recovery. Before you can deal with your friends, you must focus on making sure you get the professional attention you need. If you're not talking to a therapist, we want you to start right away you should be telling an expert about your feelings, your ESFF on a date, so fears and your friendships. A you guys can start planning. therapist will be able to help Over breakfast, come up with you sort through your issues a shopping list for stuff you and find healthy ways to deal with them. (If you don't have might need for your dorm, a therapist, see your school and figure out some "house rules." Bring up any concerns guidance counselor or your you might have, like how you doctor to find a list of therawant to stay close no matter pists in your neighborhood.) how many new friends each of As for your friends, they may you makes. Discuss how you'd not have asked how you were like to divvy up dorm chores, because they didn't want to like cleaning, how often it's bring up something that might OK to have people over, and upset you. Sometimes after what time you'd like to go to a friend has been through a traumatic experience, bed Vow that if something doesn't go perfectly, you two people are afraid of saying the will talk about it instead of "wrong" thing, so they just don't say anything at all. But getting mad or letting resentment boil up inside of you. if you feel like that's not the And when breakfast is over, issue and your friends aren't do something fun so that the being supportive or if they day doesn't become too heavy: make you feel bad about yourGo for manicures, or hit a loself, then maybe it's time to cal sale on dorm supplies! And distance yourself from them. keep in mind: As important as If they ask why you're not it is to hold on to friendships, hanging out with them, say, it's just as important to branch "I've been through a lot lately out and make new friends. and I need some time to sort things out." There's no need I recently attempted to to blame them or make it feel like a breakup. (That would commit suicide and was in the hospital for days. After just cause more stress for you my friends found out, they right now, and you don't need didn't seem like they cared. that.) Surround yourself with I could have died, and they people who build you up and never asked me how I am! make you feel good. Those I'm no longer friends with are the people who will help three of them, but are the you get through this time, and ones who are still in my all the good times ahead too. life good enough friends to And keep in mind: As hard as Susan 16, this time might be, there rekeep around? ally is so much good for you to look forward to, Susan. ' dorm-budd- . MEGAPLEX fAT ,. , 16, How exciting! It's not often that best friends get to stay together through a lifehang-in- g SPLASH: Model SARATOGA Lakyn, Nettleton, Miss. Najimy. E. ,' 400 West Salt . HUMAN RIGHTS GALA: Dinner Sleuthing (through Aug. 9) Sunnyside Ave., Salt Lake City. Stilt walkers, jugglers, free cotton candy to first 100 kids. (801) N. $ 1 0. Benefits People Helping People. (801) Lake City CAROUSEL OPENS: More than 40 endangeredthreatened species on carousel opens, 9 a.m. June 7, Hogle Zoo, 2600 LIFE: quarters: 205 ,,- Discuss details of roomingwith friends GARDEN TOUR: Tour in Avenues, 9 a.m.-- 4 p.m. June 14. Tour head- 240-495- hand-carve- d FRIDAY u II children. Please come help us celebrate at an Open House held on Saturday, May 31 from 2:00 p.m. to 6:00 p.m. at the Sheriff residence 549 East 1910 South Orem, Utah. Incase of inclement weather it will be held at 500 South 600 West Orem, Utah. American cultures through music, dance, food, performing arts and exhibits, June 14. South Towne Expo Center, Sandy. (801) 246-853- Family History Library, 35 N. West Temple, Salt Lake City. (801) www.famiiysearch. org. May 31: Germany Research, 10 a.m.-4:3- 0 p.m. June 7: How to Do Indexing, 9:30 a.m.-- 3 p.m. (Repeat: 10 a.m. June 13, 27). .: June 14: Danish Research, 9 a.m-- 2 p.m. June 21: Scottish Research, 9 a.m.-- 3 p.m. June 28: U.S. Census Records, 9 a.m.-2:3- 0 p.m. June 28: Summer of i.ui 50th Wedding Anniversary ASIAN FESTIVAL: Celebrate Asian SATURDAY SAFARI: Ages learn about animals, 9:30 a.nv noon, Monte L. Bean Museum, BYU campus. 422-505S12. May 31: Parasites and Pathogens. June 7: The Great Migration. June 14: Dressed to Kill. June 21: Ambushed. June 28: It's a Rotten Life. luin.i.i V... : ; CALENDAR SUNDAY .. -- . trash-dropper- s. Note the fig leaf of allowing for the possibility that the of- - uN..uai.m-i- Wot, Orem 00 3 30 |