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Show DAILY A2 Monday, February 11 2007 HERALD her colleagues and professors at the University of Minnesota and also several St. Paul, Minn, parents, the group gives parp ents a way to talk about birthday mania. Jacob hopes that parents can learn to focus on their values when planning a party and avoid the high price tags and extravagance associated with today's culture and the media. Thousands of parents are feeling uncomfortable with all the stuff that comes with birthday parties. Spending a lot doesn't always feel good, giving your kids lots of stuff doesn't feel good," she said. "It's not about prescribing a particular type of party, but doing what you feel is right according to your values and not feeling a pressure because it's your child's birthday." On its Web site, parents can post comments about parties they attend and the stress associated with each year's event. Birthdays Continued fromAl over-the-to- music lessons, dance lessons, or allowing children to be part of "10 different sports teams", parents want to look good and help keep their kids from becoming social outcasts. "It's just too bad that it's has trickled all the way down to what is supposed to be a simple birthday party," Seaman said. From the time children are small, parents sing their children lullabies which say, "Hush little baby, don't say a word, papa's gonna buy you a mockingbird. And if that mockingbird won't sing, papa's gonna buy you a diamond ring..." Jenet Jacob, a member of the Birthdays Without Pressure team from the University of Minnesota, agrees that the bigger birthday parties of today are associated with cultural expectations set for parents by other parents, and the belief that love is associated with things. Jacob earned her master's degree at Brigham Young University, and has been researching the birthday party pressure as part of her PhD. research at Uof M. JEREMY Quinceanera. When we get involved it's in the $5,000 to $12,000 range," said Lorna Reid, an event planner in Pleasant Grove. "It's like a wedding reception but without parents." Reid, who owns Design Elite, has seen everything including limos, 150 or more guests, formal wear, bands, dancing, and even parents renting out hotels. But it's not just the special years such as the Quinceanera a few years, birthdays were simply cake, ice cream, maybe some games in the backyard and pin the tail on the donkey, and today they are an extrava- ganza." Jacob says that while the short term effects of "bigger is began when a couple of profes- better" birthday parties include stress felt by children, the long sors in Colorado and Minneterm effects can include dissatsota noticed a trend in bigger isfaction, higher expectations birthday parties, and wanted to help unite parents who were year after year and happiness being associated with possesfeeling the pressure to provide sions. for their children. The Web site, "Well, you can imagine if gives you're inviting other children an example of to a party, will your child feel children with a let down because they're not boy, who calls his expensive presdoing the same thing or more ent from his aunt and uncle "a as what they saw at another kid's birthday party?' Jacob piece of junk." Utah County event coordinasaid. "There is a standard that's kind of set out there, that tors and rental companies have seen their fair share of the parents feel like they have to "more, more, more" attitude uphold." According to birthdayswith-outpressure.or- the group or Sweet 16 that are raising the eyebrows of party planners. Just ask Andrea Bradshaw, owner of Entertainment Express in West Jordan. "One woman in Provo even had a ringmaster come for her kid's carnival party," said Bradshaw, who's also a clown for the company. The party had popcorn machines, cotton candy, a magician with Jacob describes. can But all that have an adverse effect on "Quinceaneras are a big deal animals, and even the guests here," remarks one event plan- were dressed up as carnival young minds, say critics and child behavior experts. ner, describing the big budgets characters. "If they would have had elparents have when it comes to the special party. It's my party ephant rides, that would have The event is similar to a been over the top," she said and I'll cry if I want to Howard Peterson, the gendebutante or "coming of age eral manager at Soldier Hollow "When wants become exgirls in party" for near Heber, also had an expeHispanic cultures. pected by children, it becomes "Some parents don't mind rience with a lavish birthday that more is never enough and children are never satisfied," spending a lot of money party for a youngster at the on sweet sixteens or a snow tubing hill and lodge. Jacob said. "If you go back "One party flew in 120 guests from all over the counvoices try for a fairly young one's Birthday birthday," Peterson said. Recent posts at birthdayswithoutpressure.org: He said it costs $750 to rent the tubing hill for the night, I "This has to stop!!! We are raising a bunch of selfish which includes use of the lodge children who think the world should just be handed to and tubes, but not the food. them on a silver platter!," commented one person on the But birthday parties aren't site. "1 am putting my foot down, no more expensive parthe only parents ties!! Just fun! Cake and ice cream!" are spending big bucks on. I "Do worry about my kids having fun at their parties? "I've even had a mom call Of course. Am exhausted when the festivities are over? me once wanting to know if Heck yeah. But for me, a happy kid makes that all worth"she could get centerpieces for while. That's MY choice and I'm sticking with it. You all her child's baptism party," said need to relax and smell the birthday cake..." Sally AUeman, from Sally's Party Rentals. "It's not just I "While do not have children, have seen friends go birthday parties that parents through the agony of staying within their financial means on." are going versus trying to give their children a celebration that will So whether it's a $300 birthnot look shabby compared to parties for classmates and day cake, flying a DJ in from friends." Florida, a party at Thanksgiving Point's museum or just over-indulg- feel-goo- d party I I I -- I all-o- "...the best we've seen..." $150 for an afternoon at people are choosing to spend a lot more these days Build-a-Bea- r, y than the traditional cake, ice cream and pizza party. Event planners and venue managers across Northern Utah may agree with what one in manager at 20th-centur- HARMONDaily Herald also seen a leap in people renting equipment for children's birthday bashes. While she doesn't believe parties aren't quite as big here as they are nationally, they're getting closer. "People are still quite conservative here, you have those who are willing to go quite extravagant on their child's party and also those who are pinching pennies," Alleman said. "Some people here will go all out and don't mind spending $500 or even more on tables, chairs, sashes for princess parties and bringing Cinderella v herself to the party." Even in rural Minnesota, parties are getting bigger. One parent had 7 year olds picked up by stretch limos to take Simple Suggestions Parents also have the opportunity to make suggestions on the Web site of activities that work for them, and that follow their own values, rather than those set by friends, family and neighbors. the "We have to common expectation associated with parties and apply them to our own values," Jacob Salt Lake City said, "Nothing said. "We have to bring it back surprises us here anymore." to what we value." Some suggestions they Big bashes have offered include making Utah beyond the birthday about service by Shows such as MTV's "My doing community service in lieu of a party, by donating Super Sweet Sixteen" create new meaning for the term birthday money to charities the children choose, having family-onl- y birthday party. According to mtv.com, each episode docuparties and having parties ments every other year instead of preparing for the "party to end all parannually. ties." "Parents need to remember them to the party. Another Some of the past episodes the value of work, and learnrented out a fire station for have included elephants, photo one of her ing that you can be happy parties, without always having the shoots with top photographers, according to birthdayswithout-pressure.orwild dresses, princess and best," said clinical psychologist Seaman. "It takes being able to The Web site also cites one super-modthemes, concerts, in Florida face that fear." bands and party parades, marching Jacob also offers some sugtiered cakes. One mom, who's that had a $250,000 price tag coming complete with limos, gestions of her own, including daughter appeared on the show, said during a "Q&A" on a grand ballroom for the kids, doing away with goodie bags, an adult party with alcohol, the Web site, "You're only 16 reducing the size and setting a once" and that you should be helicopters, horses and wild budget. "You should try to have your entitled to getting what you animals. kids plan with you. Their exwant, no matter the price. Besides the party, that even she pectations may not even be as The goodie bag much as you expect," she said. didn't know how much it had "One of the stories we heard "You can have a sweet expericost, her daughter also got a while talking to parents inence with your child and even Jaguar for her birthday gift. a one on one tradition can be a While that's not the common volved one little boy opening occurrence from Lehi to really wonderful experience." up his party bag, and saying, " One kid Jacob learned about parents can still expect 'Is that it?,' Jacob said. while talking with parents said The price tag for a goodie to spend more than the $50 for he only wanted to spend time the cake, ice cream and pizza bag is endless. Whether the treasures are with his grandpa on his birthparty for their children. "You can easily spend bepencils, leis, candy necklaces, day. She said the two had a tween $30 or $40 per child on gourmet chocolates, expensive wonderful time together maka party, and then maybe on jewelry or makeup, Jacob says ing a farm cake, because his the high end it's around $100 that this is one cost parents grandpa was a farmer. or more," Reid said. "And "There are so many ways to might rethink if they are feelthat's just in our area, but it's tone it down and not focus on ing stressed to keep up with much more on a national level. neighbors and friends. e experithemes or "Parties should center on ence," Jacob said. People are easily spending If completely doing away thousands of dollars on birthfun," she said. "If you're set on a goodie bag or gift, talk with celebrations makes you day parties nationally." feel uncomfortable, local event with your neighbors about it Sally's Party Rentals in and send the kids home with a coordinator Reid, has her own American Fork rents out advice for planning children's tables, chairs, canopies, linens candy bar." and arches for weddings, norJeff Hill, an associate profes- birthday parties. sor at BYlTs school of family "Put your money where mally, but Alleman said she's it's going to have the biggest life, said that birthday parties should focus on fun instead of wow factor for your kid. If things. they're not into the food, put "Bag the goodie bag," he your money into an activity insaid. stead," she said. "It can be nice to take them somewhere, but What's being done to you've got to know your kid. It could be on the low end of the the combat madness IT spectrum, and they could have The organization Birthday the time of their life. Just make Parties Without Pressure was it mean something for them." established in January to combat stressful and extravagant I Brooke Barker can be 9 reached at or parties for parents. Organized by Jacob, some of bbarkerheraldextra.com Build-A-Be- San-taqui- n, once-in-a-l- if TAKES TWO to Find the Right One 344-255- ((THE DAILY HERALDli Congratulates 1 ANDY HOPKINS - January Employee Of The Month works as our Packaging & Andy 1, 1982. He Manager. He started He makes a positive difference work ethic. every day. Andy is a man who loves time with 'A I l J" at the Daily Herald on February has an outstanding 7 V Y his family. He enjoys hunting, fishing and rx- that allows - him to be outdoors. Karrcn have been married for 14 years. They have three fAM "Far West Bank it it Interested tn the success of our practice at wt are. They are a member of our team and an extension of our business circle. They are the beit we've ttn at customer service, " 3 m it on us often. Andy did an outstanding job managing the staff and the insert load for the holidays. From October through December he worked late, on nights, and on weekends to make sure ev- success. Provo, UT a who is 12; Kaitlyn who is 10; and Jaydcn who is 5. They often leave love notes for their dad on the white board just outside his office. He has a wicked sense of humor and uses Chili Hammond, DM0 & Chad Ellis, Hammond and Dill Dentistry He and childrcn--Kariss- erything was being produced in an accurate and timely manner. In November and December he over saw the insertion of over 31 million pieces with not one going out on the wrong day. He would come in and do the inserter maintenance on his days off. DOS Far West a? re. farwestbarft.com He is a very dedicated, hard worker and well deserving of this honor. Vs Thanks Andy, for all you do! J |