OCR Text |
Show . ,,. - It?: y PAGE and her mother MARY visiting friends. After hostess, Jean, Mary and her teen-aretired to Jean's room, Mary quickly asked, "Are you going steady?" It was no great coincidence that the mothers reached the same subject before long. "Do you have the steady-datin- g problem?" Mrs. Page asked. "We're really upset about Mary and Tom. We like Tom, but feel MarycisHtoo young to spend all her time with one boy." Like Mrs. Page, we may disapapprove or prove, but whether-wnot, we must face the fact that "go- -, jng steady' is today's acknowledged We must pattern for admit, too, that there are positive values in the custom. Learning how to get along with the opposite sex is one of the most face. important problems teen-ageMost girls and boys are awkward and confused in their first attempts to get" together. Having a "steady" gives them security, because they don't risk being left out if there is one particular friend on whom they can depend. There's no for dance dates, no waiting for the phone, to ring, or worse yet, no Saturday nights athdme with the family. Parents have learned the hard way that the psychological der sire to belong is" overwhelmingly y important at this age. For these youngsters, the task along with a different person on every date often can be difficult. As Jimmy explained to his mother when he requested ideas for small talk, "Gosh, Mom, I'm 7out' before we get to the dance, and we still have the dance and eats after and the trip home." After a teen-ag- er has built up confidence in his ability to he ; in English class. He finally good-humor- ed she asked, "Whereare we going to dance?", Al explained haltingly that he couldn't afford to take her dancing but hoped she would enjoy a movie and a snack afterwards. By Monday morning Al had already been labeled a "cheap- skate," for the girl had broadcast When teen-ager- s.' SEPTEMIER (y managed to collide with her in the hall and in the exchange of banter that followed he made a date for Saturday night. ! FAMILY WEEKLY MAGAZINE It's a widespread1 practice thai gives ihem social 1:1security but poses a perplexing problem, for iheir parents ' get along with the opposite sex, more than likely will seek more Jane e . ) variety in his friendships. Another argument for a steady" from the boy's point of view is that she will understand and be content with his' limited financial situation To ask a new girl for a date may lead to embarrassing incidents as in the case of Al, who had his eye' on ge rs ..... , " he arrived, , her feelings quickly. Al found himself a "steady" anaV stuck - with her, partly for feafof being exposed again to such a devastating experience. 4 Why parents are against it The positive side may have its merits, but what do parents think of the practice? Most of us are against it, as are practically all school .deans 4md advisers, because there is indeed a negative side. Let's consider the long view we can do that here without being told off as "old fogeys." Courtship, mar- Tiage, and parenthood lie, ahead for these youngsters. To be able, to form If, I9S4 mature and lasting relationships later on, they heed lots of practice in learning how to "get' along with, each other. Surely the best basis of judging the opposite sex is a wider general acquaintance. Nor does the limited experience of knowing only one' boy or girl well give young people the poise and judgment they need for the social life of college. As one mother explained it, "Bill is lost at college and won't even attend his fraternity dances because Betty isn't there. He ,'t at ease with a pew girl." ere is, however, a more serious argument against steady dating. Most parents object on the grounds lack the emothat theeen-ager- s tional develtmment to face a situation packed with emotional hazards. We feel they may drift, with all the best intentions inHhe world, into a situation which can become too close and too intense. In its least detrimental spects, we may have the real, thougrK tempo- rary , disillusionment of the break up. Here may be found elements of youthful tragedy .The mildest result may be a wet pillow for many tr night, - but the most extreme result can be attempted suicide," which in some cases. haS been successful. Some unscrupulous boys even use the threat7 of a breakup to obtain petting privileges or, more extensive necking than the girl feels she should give. The finer or more mature type of boy, on the other hand, may break yoff because he realizes the emotional attraction is becoming too much, for him to handle. One youngster did just this a month before graduation after three years of steady dating. Fred felt heVas getting beyond his depth emotionally, and faced his , problem like a man. is unanirnbus among Agreement those ' in . the educational field who are close to students that the increase in petting is alarming and . , , , . ; . that its main cause is steady dating Thus, from a number of angles, we parents are faced with a real problem. What can we do about it? How' to deal with the situation Let's start by being sure we do not place too hig a rating on popularity and inadvertently encourage steady dating: As one wise mother explained, "We don't want our daughter to bloom too fast. We often have parties for mixed groups and xDlan entertainment to keep them! mixing. If Helen doesn't have a date, we plan a family outing and include a friend of hers. I admit it's often tough on bur plans, but we feel these years are important to her." Another motherv restricted her daughter to one date a month with her "steady" plus-a- occasional invitation for "him to have dinner with the family. Walking home after school was allowed freely so the re .striction might not .seem too confin ing, and the girt was permitted wee-end dates with other boys. Perhaps educating ou teen-age- rs and at school to recboth ognize thepitfalls of steady dating, and workingwith school leaders to change its present popularity would bring the most effective results. Doubtless it will .be a long time before a return to the "good old days" of our era when the most popular girl was the one with the greatest number of different dates. Fashions change, and we must bur turbulent change with them--a- s teen-age- rs tell us. But I still believe that with patience, sympathetic un f derstanding, and the ability to see both sides of the question, we'll x make put veiy well. , And so will' our at-ho- me ; teen-ager- s! |