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Show io-- Wedaeaday, November The Daily Utah Cfcroalde 15. 1995 Will Waldholtz Be Job Hunting After Thanksgiving? sentative system, when a party Patrick Sheltra ceases to represent the overall interests of the nation it governs, people get pissed. PS: You mean Enid isn't doing her part to represent the faction of her constituency that habitually Chronide Editorial bounces checks? TP: When it comes to representing petty criminals, the Republicans can't be outdone. One brief look at Columnist Hello readers. Today as part of my column, I have invited Travis Pugh, Assistant News Editor of The Dafy Utah Chronide to the column. Welcome to the editorial the party's page, Travis. gun-runnin- Travis Pugh: Thanks for the invite, Mr. Sheltra. Or should I say, Master Sheltra. Patrick Sheltra: Flattery will get you nowhere, Travis. TP: It's worth a try anyway. PS: Ass kissing aside, Travis, group of flunkies that served under him. PS: Cap Weinberger, George give me one word to describe from paje I kick these kids out and send them somewhere else. But after a while they are going to run out of places to go. Then they might find another way to spend their time. Something that is a lot more illegal. Maybe this isn't a problem for the university to deal with. It's more of a g TP: And the direly criminal Schultz state govrecent GOP setbacks ernments going Democratic, Enid, Clinton above Dole in the polls, etc. What can you say about it? TP: Castration. PS: An interesting choice of vernacular. Now why do you feel that way? TP: As is the case in any repre SEiate history includes Watergate, Bob Packwood and one particular president tolerating illein the basement of gal the White House. PS: Ah, you must be speaking of Ronald "I don't recall" Reagan. . . . TP: Etc, etc. etc PS: Let's relate to more current events. First: Does Enid make it past Thanksgiving? TP: Only due to congressional laziness. When the Democratic Inquisition finally gets around to her sordid past, she will be lucky if they don't take the ashes of her problem for the city to deal with. A lot of kids come skate up here because it is illegal to skate in the city, but in every city and every town there is a football field. For the fraction of the cost of a football field, the city could easily lay down a slab of concrete and let the kids build plywood ramps. But the city and people at the U. don't want to think about these kids because they don't fit into the "All American Boy" stereotype. And burnt corpse and throw them in jail-PS- : My opinion is this country will declare a moratorium on turkeys before Enid makes it past Nov. 23. But at least she should get some discounts from National next time she uses their services. TP: That's a little arcane, but I like it PS: Now, for a change of pace. Clinton is ahead of Dole, albeit slightly, in most major polls. What are the incumbent's chances for reelection? TP: When in the course of human events, the GOP presents a challenger so bland, so dull, that he is caught sleeping at Yitzhak Rabin's funeral, Americans would have to be obsessed with plain yogurt, white rice and Union Deli fare to even conceive putting that boring of a challenger in office. PS: So you want a constitutional amendment outlawing boring presidential candidates, or just boring presidents period? TP: Well, it would have a better chance of ratification than the balanced budget amendment PS: Amen. most of them aren't old enough to vote. What I'm trying to say is, look past the "vandalism" (quotes added with sarcasm intended) and die lame attitudes of some of the kids, and look at where the problem came from and where it is going in the future. Think about these kids who can't catch a break here in Salt Lake. Their next skate spot may be in a spot that is a lot less safe. Timothy Roberts Freshman TP: Furthermore, it is clear that Americans like exciting presidents. Case in point: When Bill Clinton was finally caught in the Gennifer Flowers snare, he went up 10 points in the polls. Score one for the pro-adulte- vote. PS: You brought up, in a subde tone, the element of marriage. Question: Did Joe bilk Enid out of the dough? Is he a criminal? Give me some answers! TP: Barring actual arrest, this is all speculation. Be warned. First, it is obvious that Joe is as criminal as Brinks truck driver. To cop a line from Hunter S. Thompson: he's so crooked he has his aides help him screw his pants on in the morning. PS: Or, as Hunter once said about Nixon, "He has the morals of a weasel on speed." TP: As for actual criminal acts, it is illegal to mix campaign and per- sonal funds, to bounce checks and attempt to cover the incurred debt with other rubber checks and to deliberately lie to both the federal government and constituents by filing false Federal Election Commission forms detailing none Wilderness from page 7 vote in the Senate. If you are a Utah wilderness advocate, I encourage you to ask yourself why. Think hard about it, write it down, and mail your thoughts to your representative. Or, pick up a phone and call. Likewise, if you support the 1.8 million acre designation, do the same. Your informed opinions are equally important to the process. !M Man iff ::::'. U PS: Sounds like Joe passed more rubber than Goodyear. Anyway, we have to close shop in 30 seconds. Travis - what will happen to Enid's 2nd Congressional District position? TP: Because it's inconceivable that Enid is entirely distanced from these crimes, she will be kicked out within the next few months. Gov. Leavitt will then appoint a new and inventive Republican flunky, who will be stomped like an offensive cockroach by whomever Democrats nominate for the tion in 1996. the elec- PS: Travis, I appreciate your insight. Come back another time, and in the spirit of congressional gift taking, here's dinner for two at Cafe Picrpont. TP: I gladly accept your bribe and look forward to another appearance on your wonderful column. See, flattery docs get you somewhere. PS: Join us next time when we talk about more fraudulent GOP promises, namely, the Contract With America. Until then, long live the donkey! After all, it is the process of arriving at reasoned public policy that is crucial, something we've not seen enough of amid the rhetoric on both sides. An open process full of informed opinions is what the wilderness debate has lacked, it is what it desperately needs, and it is what we must insist our representatives allow us. Otherwise, a "bad" wilderness bill (whatever your leanit ings) will not be their failure will be ours. Kael Weston Senior HistoryPolitical Science v U A A ( of his fraud. - - 9 No! These are not the FBI's ten most wanted fugitives. They're the Chronicle's editorial writers. ) Loved Mayfest? 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