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Show The Daily Utah Chronicle, Wednesday, January 22, Page Seven THE LIGHTER SIDE Blinking lights, pizza, snowy streets and football SOME THINGS I'M ABSOLUTELY LIVID ABOUT: The removal of the diet Sprite from the Union vending machines, but it is still available at the northern-mo- st machine in the downstairs of OSH ... of blinking yellow stoplights throughout absence . the Salt Lake Gty in the middle of the night, meaning you have to stop and wait and for a green when there's no! another car in sight ... LIGHTER SIDE selection of burgers and spaghetti. That's all ... ... undoubtedly the Union doesn't do much business on a Sunday, but that doesn't do a whole lot of good for those of us w ho have to be here the whole day ... SOME QUESTIONS: Why do people choose to live in a place where the weather is this bad? I've been accused of showing too much of my California roots when it comes to driving in the snow. I just prefer driving when I can see the road ... ... And why can't the snow be cleared from the streets and parking lots? After the snows, the mid-Decem- ber parking lots at the U. were never cleared, except Peter Behle SPEAKING OF VENDING MACHINES: You know Grandma's Cookies, the big ones that you find selling two for 55 cents downstairs at the Union. Well, they range in quality from very good to not worth buying ... the soft raisin variety arc the best without doubt, but and the old-tiarc closely trailed by the oatmeal-appl- e molasses. After that, the quality goes from peanut butter to double chocolate chip to chocolate chip ... ... all are good, except the regular chocolate chip, which have an unusual feature: they don't even taste like a chocolate chip cookie .... MORE ON FOOD: The food from the Union Terrace, as it does anywhere else, ranges from good to, well, ... ... Sunday nights, however, arc not the Union's finest time. About all you get to choose from is the usual me eventually by the sun. All that money for parking stickers and tickets and I have to park my car in an ice rink. Who can figure?... MORE ON UNION FOOD: The Union's pizza has-go- t to be the most popular food item offered. For that reason, you don't always get a choice if you don't want to wait. If good old peppcroni isn't available, give the vegetarian a try ... ...and whoever heard of pineapple on a pizza? It's downright unnatural ... BACK TO PIZZA: While the big three pizza chains in the area all get your pizza to you in a hurry, there's a large variance in the level of quality ... ... the new Pizza Runner gets my honors for best delivered pizza, barely edging out Domino's. Both are consistently good, from cheese to toppings to crust. Pony Express comes in way back in third, the sauce is too sweet to be palatable ... ON SPORTS: While some say the pro football season "into" the season when the ... started regular playoffs ... winter is the perfect time for watching football on the tube, or any sport for that matter. Luckily, though, the bowl season coincided with the Christmas break and allowed for plenty of viewing ... MORE TV: As far as televised sports go, pro football can't be beat. It seems the game was made for television. The length of a game is perfect and there are plenty of timely breaks for commercials ... ... it's amazing how all the networks package the game into such a slick production. And the highlights, halftime shows are even better than the actual games and most of the time ... SPORTS AND TV: After pro football, though, the level of interest and quality of production falls way off for televised events. Basketball is just too fast for TV and baseball is too slow for many fans, but not me ... JUNK FOOD: Are you starting to get as sick of nachos as I am? They were the craze for a couple of years, but enough is enough ... ... as far as McDonald's McDLT goes, big deal. If I'm going to have cheese on my burger, I want it melted ... it's not that appetizing to open the long package and look at a lonesome burger on one side, just sitting there getting cold, while the lettuce and tomatoes are on the other side, wilting ... if they'd just put it all together and sell it like a regular hamburger, the results would be a w hole lot better. is too long, I disagree. I was just starting to get pre-gi- me The horrors of shaving or how to cut yourself in the a.m. I remember watching, when I was a small child, that commercial Gillette used to run with sickening regularity. It'd take us into the bathroom of an innocent, pleasant man with a towel wrapped around his neck. He'd be shaving. He'd be humming a happy tune, looking at himself in the mirror, when suddenly; at the precise LIGHTER SIDE John Youngren moment the announcer's voice cried out, the man's eyes would bug out of his head and you didn't have to guess what happened. That's right. Gotcha. Before I began to shave, such a spectacle looked horrible but hardly believable to me. After all, how could anything that looked so simple turn out so badly? How could anyone be dumb enough to foolishly slice themselves up with a rampant razor blade? That's what I wondered, anyway. Until I began to shave. Now I know. I'm a dangerous man. In fact, I've got to be the worst shaver in the world. If there were some way to keep track of "average nicks, cuts and bleeds," I would have about 5.8 a week. I mean it, too. Cutting myself shaving is a rule, not my exception. The scenario is always the same for me, just like it was for all those poor guys in the old commercials. There I am, half-aslee- p, tottering in my robe, cautiously watching myself in the mirror. After shaving fora few years now, you see, nothing is more frightening to me than the sight of myself in the mirror holding a razor blade. I start shaving, carefully, remembering the blood I drew the day before and not wishing a command performance. But then, inevitably, it happens. Maybe I'll be shaving up under my nose, or maybe it'll be around the turn of my neck around my ear. Yuck. And I don't merely "get" myself, as in "gotcha." I gouge myself, and begin dripping blood all over the place while screaming like a pinned down Volkswagen horn. It's not a pretty sight. It's not a pretty sound. My family has saved some money, however, on alarm clocks around our house. Now they just all wake up by the sound of my screams. curdling, It usually takes a Band Aid, a styptic pencil, a large towel and a stiff drink to cheer me up and get me back on track in the mornings. But there's some other things that'll do, too, over the course of the day ... A roundhouse at the Medical Towers Coffee Shop (or George's) ... Finding a parking space near the Union or OSH and not having to pay for it ...Seeing a driver actually stop for a pedestrian ... Seeing the gang crowd around the TV in the Union basement and watch Days of Our Lives, or whatever it is ... Knowing that for right now, iveryone is going to Mann Theater movies and no one is ;oing to Plitt Theaters. $2.75 beats $5 any day ... Having a est cancelled ... Having a teacher excuse his class :arly ... Rolaids ... Sitting down with a daily downtown paper, USA Today and, of course, the Chronicle ... Getting my books, tuition and other beginning of a new quarter business finally taken care of... Settling down for a night game in a packed Special Events Center... Actually hearing someone really say "and so on and so forth ..." Realizing I work in the afternoons, so I don't have to post-shavi- ng watch Different Strokes ... J-b- MS O We've gone to great lengths to make your next cup of coffee the finest you've ever tasted. Mexico. Tanzania. Sumatra. Costa Z.j l:v. t. . . ' V. . Df'.'MrV?'.'!"-.- V.c-.- f V " V V Ir. V . . ." I- - . .. . !Vi .." si.. . ?stlS;',V. r. V:. ' : " " . . . Vv-- 7-..- ' . . 'sti . . :.:.!." .rvv:v"'. J "Cf.- - Rica. Java. India. The Park Gazebo in the Union Terrace now offers over 25 different styles of imported coffees, freshly roasted, ground and brewed. Through a special arrangement with the Salt Lake Roasting Company, we now feature a different variety of freshly roasted coffee every week, in addition to our own rich Union Blend, hearty espresso, smooth cappucino and mellow cafe'au lait, all served daily. Sample every delicious variety of coffee from African Queen to Zimbabwe. Stop by the Park Gazebo of the Union Terrace, located in the west wing of the Union Building. Open tmdS8L ( nr"1 Indian Mysore French Roast jK-- r h Jlfr RRK GAZEBO special weekend hours. ) |
