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Show Page 12 Ten O'Clock ; Mistletoe By Rabid Flasher Look. (And I know, sure. You'll see it, but gimme a break, you know me, I'll be back. I'll chop it down to size exactly who it ought to pick on, too. Hey, I've had tougher opponents, in the noggin, you know, and cut them from my territory.) There's been a lot of cheap talk and press hype going on around this town about that ugly new intruder down at the junction of Highways 224, 248 and Park Avenue. 'iYeah. Talk about the new opposition. The Holiday Inn and its erection. And if I have to describe it to you little girls, and if I have to describe it to you:... well you'd probably be teasing me and then I'd get'angry and I'd have to run out and find the muse. The Muse, sitting right up at the top of this column, ha-ha; leading the charge and strength of my column, you might say. And that would end my column. My column is one of my favorite flashes. 'I think it's some sort of really enormous,, huge I mean elephant-like plot. Who is behind it I don't know. You could fit an army behind it, so my task is hard, be sure. You could fit two entire ensembles of the Radio City chorus line around the thing, for Park City's sake. Enough to make a grown man get all excited. It's enough to make a grown man slide on over in tears! to the L store for a bottle of Ripple; or if he's lucky maybe a delicious gallon of one of those California concoctions of grape juice.... and you know what that will lead a grown man to do. Who's afraid of any of those degenerates that comprise what is known here as the big bad state liquor commission. Back in the early sixties, I think I was in my mid-thirties mid-thirties yeah, mid-thirties, I'm sure of it. I was living with Magdalena I called her, and I had that beauty down at the corner of Wilshire and Venice, and it's still in the top ten. Number eight it is. But the top ten isn't your ordinary one.. ..there are thousands of possibles. Well, down in L.A. at that time the law enforcement agencies were looking for drinkers. Drinking was proof you stood behind the flag (and I've done some great flags); they were all worried about drugs and hippies and reds, and so I got a job on the Liquor Control. I got drunker and hence braver. Other in the top ten were around that same time. All the ladies were running liberally all over the streets. But Sunday and this is odd, because Sundays Sun-days are rarely ever good for me I had a near-perfect. near-perfect. It was as near perfect as that cute little Nadia Comaneci's inspiring stunts at Montreal, but I've learned not to accept such marks, because what does that leave for a goal? The temperature was that early spring nip-piness, nip-piness, just barely bringing on goose bumps if one is adorned in an overcoat, conducive to good nights. I had some money, too. My brother was visiting; he's a Big Shot, not quite the Holiday Inn, but he's not hurting. We went out for a few drinks at Mileti's, a few at the Claim-jumper, Claim-jumper, a few at the Silver King, a few at Potato John's I don't go near the opposition towering down there for Mt. Air Cafe and was still quick, and my brother was still rich so we flashed on up to the Prospector Sirloin. For some reason everything jives when the last syllable provides that last for the evening. She was really sharp-looking, one of those aloof stewardesses or brilliant, lovely secretaries for an executive at one of the Fortune For-tune Big 500. She patted the stool next to her ever so softly and said "Sit here, sugar pie." Our conversation soon led to what everyone is stumbling around wondering at: Holiday Inn's blinking all the better to flash with erection. Turned out this little doll was something, of a feminist. She patted my left thigh and said, "Hey, I know this mountain climber, and I bet he'd let us use his equipment to climb and blast it." It was daring, but that -tickles me always; and it wasn't too frightening because of my intoxicated in-toxicated condition, so finally I made it to the top. She was leading, too, which had an encouraging en-couraging effect. There we were at the top of the Holiday Inn erection, looking into the windows win-dows of all of the Prospector Square bedrooms. And there, with this little doll. ...right there at the tip of Park City, all of a sudden a tremendous tremen-dous surge came up within me and there it was: a vision of the Ten O'Clock Mistletoe. Special Strokes for Ride and Tie, the special two-person, one-horse endurance race will happen in Park City once again this year Thanks in large part to the ongoing efforts of Chamber Members BUZZ MARDEN, DVM, and RAY INGANDELA of CAPSON MORRIS, McCOMB. Pickup Of A diverse pair of recent events are giving further credence to the theory that intelligent life may first have arrived on Earth in pick-up trucks from distant planets. This startling revelation is supported by the melting snows in Deer Valley, east of Park City, which have exposed the remnants of what may have been one of the first pick-ups to land on this planet. With its tail buried deep in the ground, front fenders and engine missing, the truck was earlier dismissed as a mere-abandoned mere-abandoned vehicle. But recently Eric Von Stein, author of the searching search-ing work, "Pickup Trucks of the Gods?" examined the vehicle and declared it to be of celestial origin. "I challenge anyone to explain to me how an ordinary or-dinary Earthborn, pickup truck ended in such a position," Von Stein said. "Not even the drunkest, rowdiest Park City partier could have planted it in such a way. No, it is definitely from another world." Von Stein speculates that other outer space pick-ups, and perhaps even their occupants, oc-cupants, may still be in the Park City vicinity. "I care not to offend, but many Park City locals look like they're from Mars. And we have some evidence that the leader of these people was referred to as 'King Warren'." When asked if it were mere coincidence that the developer of the Bald MountainDeer Mount-ainDeer Valley resort is Warren King, Von Stein said, "I would rather not comment at this time. But, I Debate Erupts Over Future Of Pickup While the debate continues con-tinues as to the origin of the "Pick-up Truck of the Gods" in Deer Valley, a local ruckus is going on over the truck's future. The Park City Historical Society is trying to keep the landing site from being disturbed by having it declared a National Historical Monument. Committee chairperson-woman chairperson-woman Patricia Jones said, "I don't care if this thing is from outer space or inner space. All I know is that with all this development there may soon be no old wrecks (other than myself, ha, ha) in the Park City area. I know some people think these are eyesores, but they hark back to a day when things weren't so prosperous. Personally, I think we need to be reminded remin-ded of the slack times now and again, because sure as shooting we're going to see them again. I think we ought to leave that truck as is. Well, maybe put a picket fence around it or something." The Committee has requested President Carter designate an 8' x 12' area around the pick-up as the Broken Truck National Monument. However, this national monument move is being opposed by the Utah Association of Counties. Commissioner Kelp Black of Grand County declared, "This is just another move 5 do have my suspicions...." Von Stein's somewhat circumstantial cir-cumstantial evidence is substantiated by photos transmitted from the planet Uranus last week by the top secret Mariner XII spacecraft. Although this information in-formation was not generally avaialble to the public a source high within NASA leaked word that bizarre configurations on the planet's surface closely resembled the Ford truck plant in Dearborne, Michigan. "We hate to jump to conclusions," con-clusions," the source said, "But there is really nothing else these things could be." He added that the confidential confiden-tial photos showed no activity ac-tivity around the planet, to which Von Stein said, "This supports 100 percent my theory. I believe that Uranus went through an industrial in-dustrial revolution much like our own. They invented the internal combustion on the part of the Federal bureaucrats to tie up Utah's resources, adding another stone to pack that may eventually break our financial finan-cial back." Black said that there probably are two broken down pick-up trucks for every, man, woman and child living in Utah. "Look around places like Hanksyille, Price or Peoa if you don't believe what I say," he added. "More wrecked trucks and cars than people." "Now they say these things come from outer space. Well, I don't know about that. I know they all come from outside of Utah, and having met some of those Washington bureaucrats, I'd have to say ' their thinking is about as far from my own as if they were from Mars." "All I know is that these things are in Utah now and represent a tremendous resource for the development develop-ment of our state. First Washington will take this one pick-up away, next week they'll want to grab all the rest. I'm dead against it." Governor Scott Matheson, when asked to comment replied, "Well, actually I haven't taken a stand yet. I think we need to look at both sides of this. Therefore I've referred it to the state Economic Information, Exploration Ex-ploration and Indoctrination Organization (EIEIO). I'm sure they will look at the matter impartially and give me their best recommendation." recommend-ation." Meanwhile, depot . project developers, John Pauper and Wally Wrong, offer what they believe to be "The best solution for all parties involved." "Rather than destroying this possible celestial relic or locking it up, we propose developing it much in the style of Trolley Square," a spokesman for the developers stated. "What we'd like to do is to restore the pick-up to its original grandeur, and surround it with like-vehicles. like-vehicles. In the vehicles could be a variety of small businesses, restaurants and lodging facilities." Continued On Page J5 The Gods? Is this abandoned truck a celestial engine centuries ago and became more and more dependent on it as time passed. Along with this dependence, their atmosphere at-mosphere became more and more polluted. When it was apparent the planet was dying, a few intrepid explorers ex-plorers departed in specially-powered pickups." pick-ups." Asked why they didn't leave in Volkswagens, he replied, "Well, of course, no one knows for sure. But I believe they really didn't know what they were getting get-ting into and carried a lot of gear with them such as tents, Coleman stoves and the like. After all, they had no idea whether or not there would be Holiday Inns and McDonalds along the long journey to Earth." Casting doubt on Von Stein's theory, at least as it Puma Etonic New Balance tiitiesr 3 MQ i Ski & Sport j l,u,llui,,,,i.,Miui. ..... j.. immu.jjmmM Ml, llll.ll I m , , Nastar & ski group photos available Same day prints & posters while you wait Marsac School 'Ski With Stein' Race & 'Learn to Ski' Race Photos Available Please call Pat McDowell for appointments KODAKJMm 649-9494 Open 9-5 Tues-Sat Located at the Powder Room t-Shirt Shop at the Resort Plaza vehicle? applies to the Deer Valley pick-up, is tow truck operator Red Cliffs. "This whole thing is the biggest pile of crap I've ever heard!" he exclaims. "This Von Stein must be running some sort of medicine show. The real story of that pick-up is this: a couple of kids called me last fall and said they'd backed their truck into the mouth of an old mine shaft and asked if I could tow them out. I said, 'Sure, I'll get right on it. Should bt there in about two weeks if ) don't get busy.' Then th snows came and I never die get to it. But you can b sure I'm going to get it ir the spring and nobody bet ter get in my way." In conclusion, he added "The only thing from outei space around here is Voi Stein's theories." Helicopter & j 3 u i Thursday, of Park City I Pastor- Randy Morich I "Prospector Square Convention Center" 1 Sunday Service-9 :30am Bible Study-6:00pm I for more information I 649-8301,649-8295 I SSry Box 2473, Park City Ut 84060 Home Repairs & Remodeling McHeatonV Lloyd McDonald Everything from the roof down No Job Too Small Free Estimates 649-9182 for Park Citys best selection of shoes Mountain Photography March 29, 1979 Brooks Nike 8:30-7:00pm Daily 628 Park Ave 649-9712 if It |