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Show Vernal Expreit Wednesday. August 23. 2000 7 Sleeping witiUn tiEne eiraemray What is it like !o live a life with someone who doesn't love you? Who isn't your friend? Many people are unhappy with their marriages because they have come to believe that the person who is supposed to love and appreciate them really doesn't care about them. What goes into this kind of judgment? judg-ment? On what basis do they decide that their partner doesn't love them? Here are some of the ways. A lack of respect for what you do and who you are. A lack of interest in your life or what you think or feel. A lack of sharing their thoughts or feelings. There is no apparent need for your company, support or interest. A steady diet of sarcastic or snide remarks veiled and not so veiled criticisms that strike at the core of what you believe, like or desire. This isn't about anger and saying hurtful things and then regretting them later. An unwillingness or refusal to help or share the burdens of your life. An obvious lack of sympathy when you bring up a problem or are distressed. Instead of protection and safety, safe-ty, you feel exposed and fearful of saying or doing certain things that will invite criticism and hurtful comments. You come home to stress rather than to a home that is a sanctuary sanc-tuary and a refuge from the problems prob-lems and indifference of the w orld. Obvious body language and tone of voice that communicates disdain, irritation, and displeasure. A consistent devil's advocate stance or predictable argument about your ideas, choices or plans. Instead of empathic listening and a desire to understand, there seems to be a readiness to find fault or judge what you are doing or saying as "wrong." This lack of friendliness and what seems to be outright rejection inter- l 4 ! ; Ericka Arnold Arnold receives award Erika Arnold, daughter of Lance and Terry Arnold, received her Young Womanhood Recognition award in Clines 5th Ward on August 6. The award was based on various completed projects that include quilts for the people of Kosovo, a scrapbook. crochet a blanket and a piece quilt for her bed. Arnold was bom in Cody, Wyo. and moved to Vernal a year ago. She will be a senior at Uintah High School this year. feres w ith one's ability to love back. When the relationship is perceived as too one sided, unfair or unloving, it is easy to pull back and respond in kind. In order to survive, you find yourself becoming someone you do not want to be - an angry, fault finding, find-ing, competitive person who has joined the debate to determine who is "right" or "wrong." You do not like who you are becoming in this relationship. The nasty, curt little interactions are disheartening dis-heartening and your response has become a part of the problem -another thing to debate about It isn't what you want It is just easy to do. , The self-protective attitude shows up in the bedroom. It isn't easy to love or give of yourself to someone w ho doesn't seem to care about you. Sex becomes another argument. Sex becomes the battleground instead of addressing the real problem - the underlying hostility that is driving you apart and drying up feelings of w anting to be close and intimate. Turning things around. This kind of problem won't correct cor-rect itself on its own. There are too many bad habits or destructive interaction inter-action patterns to correct Professional counseling may break the competitive impasse and challenge you both to act in loving, considerate ways toward one another. anoth-er. It provides guidelines to eliminate elimi-nate the steady conflict and to allow opportunities for loving actions to occur that can make a difference. Then again, counseling may highlight high-light the reality that your partner is incapable of seeing and responding to you differently. It is a risk that is-worth is-worth taking while you still have feelings and a willingness to try. One goal of counseling is to develop devel-op skills in listening and identifying with another's pain and distress.' Some people need training in damping damp-ing down their arousal, stopping their quick and defensive reactions, learning that their partner's opinion has validity and needs to be respected respect-ed to learn to listen with the heart 1 ' ? ' i ,v ! At. 1 "V - , v u Undsey Boren Boren receives recognition Lindsey Boren, daughter of Jim and Kelly Boren, received her Young Womanhood Recognition award in Glines 5th Ward on August 6. Her projects included a quilt for herself, helping others to complete a quilt, participate in Hi-Lites and perform for the community, learn and teach swing dance and provide service as a member of seminary council. Boren graduated from Uintah High School last spring and will attend BYU this fall. For the latest in local news and advertising subscribe to The Vernal Enpress Your hometown newspaper Only $19 a year in area Call 789-3511 for information instead of a protective shield. They need to perceive their spouse as a lonely, hurt, disheartened, and frightened human being whose needs for love and attention are not being met. As a husband or wife, they need to take responsibility in the matter. They need to practice the fundamentals funda-mentals of love, to give service, to look out for another human being; to put another's needs ahead of their own - and to experience the joy and good feelings that come from giving kindness and compassion to others. It is an experiment with behavior that needs to be sustained in order to be believed. Acting consistently in loving ways can cause feelings to change. We learn to love whom we serve. People from needy or dysfunctional dysfunction-al family backgrounds may need special assistance to understand and trust love. Part of the healing is to experience unconditional love themselves them-selves and to allow love to come to them instead of try ing to force it on their terms. When is divorce warranted? One of those circumstances may be w hen every effort has been made and failed to correct a problem that is destructive to the mental, emotional and spiritual well-being of the marriage mar-riage partners or their children. Cod didn't intend marriage to hurt and destroy us rather to build us and develop us as loving human beings. A loving marriage is an important part of fulfillment and happiness. Get help. Let others use their skills and knowledge to assist you. If you are sleeping w ith the enemy, when your spouse is not your friend, do something about it w hile there is still time. For more ideas on distressed marriages, mar-riages, visit Val Farmer's website at valfarmer.com. Val Farmer is a clinical psychologist psycholo-gist with MeritCare in Fargo, North Dakota. He specializes in rural mental men-tal health and family business consultation. , J j Dr. Sheila Beckstead Vet returns to Vernal Dr. Sheila Beckstead was bom in Charlottesville, Va.. but moved to Vernal when she was three years old. She has always loved animals and wanted to be a veterinarian. She received her Doctorate of Veterinary Science at Colorado State University. After an internship at Ml. View Clinic in Logan, Dr. Beckstead returned to Vernal to work at Country Side Clinic. Dr. Beckstead will answer questions ques-tions about pets or professional questions on Wed., August 23 at 7 p.m. at the Vernal City Office. 447 East Main. The event is sponsored by Uintah Animal Care. She will also be available Thursday. Aug. 3, al 7 p.m. in the Uintah County Library conference room for the evening program "Ask A Vet" Everyone is welcome to attend. Venial City SECRET WITNESS program call 789-8888 Rehab chooses Employee of the month The Utah State Office of Rehabilitation Services employee for the month of August is Eastern Utah District's. VernalRoosevelt Secretary, Gerri Miller. This valued employee is multi-talented, caring, dedicated and friendly to mention only a few of her sterling qualities. However, she is best noted for enjoyment of a good joke and her efforts to pull one over on the rest of the office staff, and if you know her co-workers, this is not an easily accomplished task. Gerri is a great resource to those she works with and her willingness to work as a team player has been greatly appreciated. She has a unique ability to work with disturbed dis-turbed and sometimes irrational clients in a professional manner, asking pertinent questions while maintaining a "cool head" when others may be inclined to employ more desperate measures. Gerri'e dedication to her job is evident as she often sets aside the task at hand to assist other staff members with a more pressing "crises." As the Vernal officer experienced the transition a few years ago of both a new supervisor and counselor, her resourcefulness played a major role in easing the frustrations common to such an event. She oriented both to their new clients, the community and partnering agencies. This included arranging for a realtor to show her supervisor available housing. She is a skilled artist of diverse talents. She enjoys cooking, painting paint-ing and is a Master gardener. She First Security branch to open in Wal-Mart First Security has agreed to open its 46th in-store branch in Vernal "s new Super Wal-Mart store scheduled sched-uled to open in late September. This branch is located inside the Super Wal-Mart at 185 1 West, Highway 40 in Vernal. '"First Security is pleased to expand its banking services in Vernal through this in-store banking facility." says Tom Clark, First Security vice president. "First Security has a long history of serving serv-ing the residents of Uintah Basin and this additional branch will enhance the convenience of banking with First Security." The First Security store hours are convenient for shoppers, operating from 10 am. to 8 p.m., Monday through Friday and 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. on Saturday. The brunch w ill offer a full range of banking services, including checking, savings, loans, CDs. trust services, insurance and investments. Additionally there will be a full sen ice ATM. customer service ser-vice direct phone-line, and loan-by -phone sen ice. I tit'' ' ' i I I I t : r"" t : I f , - - - - - Gerri Miller was awarded Employee of the Month by the Utah State Office of Rehabilitation Services. has remodeled much of her home on her own with only the occasional expert assistance of her father and she will be assisting her sister in re-shingling re-shingling her home later this fall. Not loo long ago she also helped a co-worker from Price restore sun worn lawn ornaments by giving them a fresh coat of paint. Friendliness, quick wit, laughter, ready smile and dedication are traits that make Gertie Miller the Eastern Utah District's Employee of the month. Miller was honored at a recent State Administrator's meeting for her "examplary performance" Gerri has worked for Rehabilitation for nearly seven years. The Vernal office handles an average aver-age of 500 clients per year with an average of 80 individuals with disabilities dis-abilities successfully hired back into the workforce each year. Gastric Eross Surgeiy Join us for thb informative presentation presen-tation for those contemplating Gastric Bypass Surgery for weight control. Learn how and why this procedure works, who qualifies, and what life is like as a GBP patient Obesity's Surgical Solution Thursday, August 31st - 6:00 pm Ashley Valley Medical Center 151 West 200 North - Vernal For an informs tional picket or for more information contact: St,Muk'g Cfftcr for the Surgical Trestaent of Obesity Salt Lake City, Utah l-COO-339-9129 Technology U 0 If )Wre serious about your future, enroll at the URA TC today! Class v Location Begins Qm Unit Lensth Cssi Basic EMT RoomwK &7I M.Th . 00-10 00 ISwwka $198 0C Accounting! Vimil fc?3 W 1:35-3 J5 10wwks $120 00 Accounting I Vml 8.79 T 1:354:33 10wtks $120.00 Accounting I, It, III Roosvtt 8.78 M-F 00-10 00 IQwMkt $120 00 Adot Photoshop Vm SV12 T 8 00-10 00 Swwks $ 55 00 Applied Math I Vtmal 8.73 T-F MomtngsOpwi 10 wkt $120.00 ApptkKlMathl RooMvft 8.78 M-F O0-10O0 10wks $120.00 Business English I Vcmal 8.7 T.Th 0:15-10 20 10hs $120.00 Business English I Roosav Ml M.W.Th 10 00-1100 10 wMks $120 00 Cisco (CCNA) RoosaveK 8.78 M-F Opwi ntrytops sxlt Cisco (CCNA) Roosav 17$ M 3:00-10 00 Opwi ntrytopn nl . Communication 2000 Vtmal 8,73 M, W, F t: 15-1 0 20 10wks $120.00 Communication 2000 Roosavolt tv'12 T. Th 11:00-12:30 10MkS $120.00 10-Kty Wmal 8.74 T.Th 0 15-10 20 10 weeks $120 00 10-Key ' Roosevelt 878 M-F 8 30-3 00 10 weeks $120.00 Intro to Computers Vernal 5 T.Th 10:33-12:33 3 weeks $ 35.00 Intro to Computers Roosevelt t11 M, W 12.30-2 30 3 weeks $ 55.00 Job Seeking 4 Keeping Roosevelt tYII M,W 11 00-12 30 3 weeks t 35 00 WordPerfect 9 0. Beginning Vernal tvV W 00-10:00 5 weeks t 55.00 WordPerfect 9 0, Beginning Roosevelt 912 T.Th 12:30-2:30 3 weeks $53.00 Automotive Technology: Suspension 4. Alignments Roosevelt 9v3 T.Th 00-10 00 10 weeks $132.00 Building Trades Roosevelt 8.78 M-F 9:30-2:00 Open entryopen fx Computer Aided Drafting Roosevelt 9.12 T.Th 9 00-10 00 10 weeks $132 00 Computer Aided Drafting Vernal 912 T.Th 3:00-9:00 10 weeks $132.00 Welding Vernal 911 M.W 3:30-9:30 '10 weeks $132.00 Cad for tuition information testing I books Vernal Campus 1SO0 W. 500 N. Wmai, U7 407$ (135) TI9-1M loX'lfTCi fTOOCUpoon (124-S) aV-A U ffooaeverl UT t40t9 (435) 721-4SI3 or (435; 7B9-49H 4 |