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Show Skewed view or great seer? Future yeyed' by beholder At the beginning of each year, newspapers review the major events of the previous 12 months. However, since the Cyclops Column is on the cutting edge, we ignore the past and point headlong into the hoary yet predictable future. Below are some of the major events we believe will occur in 1991. 1 Cyclops BRIAN GRAY Columnist tavern, claiming the owners not only allowed swearing swear-ing inside the building, but also failed to properly license a Siamese cat Faced with citizen complaints about new high school boundaries, the school district will announce that displaced West Bountiful students attend part of their school day at Bountiful High, part of the day at Woods Cross High, part of the day at Viewmont High and take shop classes at Taylorsville High. SUMMER, 1991 Angry at being ignored by the school district, Robert and Connie Rose will recommend that students with colds be segregated in a separate school building. Gov. Bangerter will visit an elementary classroom in Centerville and Merrill Cook will begin a petition peti-tion drive to take away the governor's limousine. Job Service will proclaim that 1,200 new jobs were created in Davis County 1,100 of them in convenience conve-nience stores. Families Alert will announce a boycott of stores selling adult magazines, rap music and liver and onions. Congressman Hansen will accuse the Weber State College student newspaper of trying to sabotage his 1990 campaign. FALL, 1991 Animal rights activists will picket fast-food restaurants, restau-rants, claiming that the serving of hot dogs represents inhumane treatment Bob Welti will walk on the KSL-TV weather set and publicly slap Mark Eubank. The Utah Attorney General will investigate a Davis County investment scam in which a highly-respected church leader is touting a process which turns turnips into silver ingots. The Davis County Libertarian Party will officially endorse a plan to privatize Interstate 15. Kenley B runs dale will announce a campaign to unseat Congressman Hansen. Hansen will ignore Brunsdale and instead accuse the Viewmont High student newspaper of trying to sabotage his 1990 campaign. And one other thing will happen. Cyclops will once again be honored as a great seer for his on-target prognostications. WINTER, 1991 Convinced that they have public support for their censure of pregnant teen-agers. Bountiful residents Robert and Connie Rose will ask the Davis County School District to quarantine all students who receive less than a 3.5 grade point average into a separate building. The school district will establish a committee com-mittee to review the suggestion. Former county commissioner Dub Lawrence will announce his campaign to unseat President Bush. "I recognize I'm an underdog," he says, "but I sincerely believe the people need a choice." The Davis County Commission will tell Sheriff Glenn Clary he can hire a commissary cook for the new jail but only if he fires 12 paramedics and three dispatchers. Congressman Jim Hansen will complain that the Davis County Clipper tried to sabotage his 1990 campaign. cam-paign. SPRING, 1991 Davis County Republicans will hold a conference to figure out what went wrong in the 1990 general election. Congressman Hansen will not show up, but will instead issue a press release claiming the Standard Stan-dard Examiner tried to sabotage his 1990 campaign. Officials pushing the natural gas pipeline through Bountiful will attempt to hire Bountiful Coun-cilwoman Coun-cilwoman Renee Coon as their project manager. North Salt Lake officials will close down another |