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Show Youth tells storv of sex abuse Editor's Note: The incidence of child sexual abuse is on the rise across the nation and in Davis County. This is the first in a series of articles which will explore ex-plore the crime and the agencies designed to protect the children and punish the guilty. By JUDY JENSEN Managing Editor The recent arrest of a Bountiful man on a charge of sexual abuse may end the nightmares of at least one local youth who said he was his sex slave for over two years. The now 21 -year-old accuser, said it was not until he began seeing a psychologist at Weber State University, that he understood he was "not guilty for what happened to me. If I'd known at the time that a 15-year-old can't make a decision like that, I wouldn't have been so hard on myself for not making the right choice," he said. r Jeff (not his real name) said he wanted to tell his story, "to protect other kids like me from having to suffer like I did." Jeff described himself at 14 as someone "who never really fit into my family." His father, who had left Jeff and his mother and two brothers when Jeff was 12, had physically physical-ly abused all of the boys for years. "I didn't really have many friends and I would go alone up by the "B" to ride my three-wheeler as often as I could." It was on one of these occasions in January that Jeff met 38-year-old Don (not his real name). "He had gotten his truck stuck and I offered to help him out," explained Jeff. Over the next few weeks, Jeff saw Don often. "Whenever I would go up there, it seemed like he was there. He asked if I would like to go riding with him and I said sure. He had a motorcycle and he seemed like a really nice guy," said Jeff. Over the next two months their friendship grew. For his 15th birthday in March Don h offered to take Jeff out for pizza. ' 'I was really real-ly excited because my family never went out to eat so it was a real treat to me," said Jeff. Two nights later Don made his first sexual advance to Jeff. "We were in his truck and he leaned over and started touching me. It made me really angry, but I didn't say anything I just pushed his hand away and jumped out of the truck when we got to my house. ' "The next day he called me and acted all happy, like nothing had even happened. So I began to wonder if I was being too sensitive," sen-sitive," said Jeff. He continued to see Don without further incident for the next month. Don bought Jeff gifts, helped, him fix a wrecked motorcycle, took him to dinner and complimented him on all of his achievements. achiev-ements. He won his love and his respect Jeff sought Don's approval. SEE ABUSE ON PG. 3 Abuse CONTINUED FROM PG.l In May, Don asked for repayment. repay-ment. Jeffs brother was going to stay overnight on Stansbury Island with a scout group. Jeff wanted to go and Don agreed to take him. "When we got there, he said he didn't know any of the people and 1 that he felt uncomfortable and ask- j ed if we could go to the other side ! of the island and camp alone," ex plained Jeff. It was during that night that Jeff had his first sexual encounter with ODon. "I felt awful, nauseated. I didn't know what to do. I had taken his gifts, gone out to dinner, he'd bought me stuff for my motorcycle. He told me he'd waited all of his life to meet someone like me. He said if I didn't love him, I would just be using him for his money just like all of his friends used him. I was confused. I'd never had a man who was my friend. I didn't want to lose his praise. To me at that time money and gifts were love. I know now that was wrong, but at the time I couldn't sort it out," said Jeff. For the next two years Jeff saw Don nearly every day. ' 'He CJouldn't let me see him with a riend. He told me my friends were stupid and we could have more fun alone," explained Jeff. Jeff's mother said she wondered about Don but when she checked with those who knew him, she was told, "He's a wonderful guy. He's so good with young boys. Your son is lucky if Don is his friend. After that I stopped worrying. Don came to our house for Sunday dinner very often and he was a complete gentleman," said Jeffs mother. Jeff said he felt trapped by his relationship re-lationship with Don. "Each time I would try to end the sexual part of our friendship he would pout He told my mother, 'I've lost my best friend. Jeff doesn't love me any more.' It made me feel hideous. I thought, 'How can I hurt him.' " Jeff said Don had helped him work on his car, taken him flying with a friend, taken him water skiing, ski-ing, "It was an exotic life. Think about it What other 16-year-old got to go flying. He let me drive his truck. I felt like I owed him so much," said Jeff. "It kept gnawing at me every day. I wondered if I was homosexual, homosex-ual, if I was weird. Then he showed me some pornographic movies and that kind of desensitized me. Then I would see him at dinner and he'd be all nice and everything and I would think 'he's not that bad,' I was drained by it all," said Jeff. In March of 1988 things began to change for Jeff. He went with some other boys to St. George for spring break. "There were some girls there who actually paid some attention to me. They thought I was okay, and I began to think I didn't have to just stay with Don all my life. Maybe there was a girl who would like me. ' ' When Jeff began to date, Don's criticism of him was unending. "He told me he hated women. He had a sister and he said she was fat and useless. He told me not to go to dances. He said the loud music was bad for me," said Jeff. As Jeff s interests expanded and he began to date more often, he made it clear to Don that their relationship rela-tionship would not continue. "He told my mom, He's just going to find a girl and leave me like everyone every-one else has.' " Jeff did "leave" Don when he was 17 years old, but the memories, and the burden of what happened have never left him. "I carried it around for a long time before I told anyone. I'm in counseling now at Weber, and I'm trying to understand what happened. It took me a long time to talk about. I was afraid I couldn't trust anyone. I had trusted Don and look what happened," happen-ed," Jeff said. It was not until four years later when he finally told his story to the psychologist at Weber that Jeff understood that what Don had done to him was a criminal offense. He got the courage to tell his mother, and together they went to the Bountiful Boun-tiful police and told their story. Don was arrested and is awaiting trial. Jeff is awaiting the day when the painful memories of his experience experi-ence with Don diminish. "I don't think I'll ever have children. It hurts inside to look at children and know there are people out there like Don that will take advantage ad-vantage of them. I'll be in counseling counsel-ing a long time. It's hard to separate what Don did to me from real love," said Jeff. He said his advice to young boys would be to be suspicious of an older old-er man who showers them with gifts and attention and tries to isolate them from their friends. "There's no way to warn everybody, but I hope my story will help someone," Jeff said. |