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Show BOB BRUMFIELD ting up near the front are a bunch of dumb nouns. And here it is the word you've all been awaiting, ladies and gentlemen! It's none other than (ta-raaa) "watercress," "water-cress," another damned old noun! And you're not going to believe this, but watercress, any of several water-loving cresses; especially a perennial cress (nasturtium officinale) officin-ale) found chiefly in springs or running run-ning water, also is a potherb! Just like our old friend "lamb's-quar-ters." How about that! Out of only four tries, and with my eyes closed, mind you two of the words were potherbs! That has got to be some sort of record. Okay, so I know some of you don't believe me. You think I cheated just to get an interesting column out of it. All right, I'm going go-ing to discard "watercress" altogether. alto-gether. I'm going to choose another word. And the word I've picked is . . . "tribromoethanol." The hell with it! Give me a beer. Bob Brumfield going to weasel out of it. No matter mat-ter what the word is no matter how dumb it happens to turn out this is the word I'm going to write a column around. And here it is, folks . . . "gastrectomy." Good God! Well, I'm certainly not going to write about anything as ghastly as that. I don't care what I said gastrectomy is the surgical removal re-moval of all or part of the stomach! I mean, after all, this is a morning paper, and its readers certainly don't want their breakfasts ruined. I'M GOING TO TURN to the back part of the dictionary. All I'm get- ACCORDING TO NEWSPAPER lolumnist Don Whitehead, the late lobert Benchley's favorite trick Ivhen stuck for something to write ibout was to sit down at his typewriter type-writer and type a single word my word then leave his desk ind return later to develop his ;olumn around the word he had yped. One time, Whitehead said, ienchley wrote the word "the" and roceeded to drink several cups of offee and smoke a pack of cig-rettes cig-rettes as he paced around his of-ce, of-ce, desperately trying to think of omething to write. Finally Bench-ry Bench-ry sat down and typed "... hell ith it!" after the word, left the ffice and got drunk at a nearby ar. TODAY I AM GOING to try :enchley's method. I have opened ly dictionary with my eyes closed nd placed the tip of my finger on word. Opening my eyes. I dis-over dis-over that the word I have chosen t random is "lamb's-quarters," a oun, plural but singular or plural i construction defined as "1: a Dosefoot (Chenopodium album) with glaucus foliage that is sometimes some-times used as a potherb, and 2: any of several oraches." I don't like that word. Benchley or no Benchley, it isn't a fair test of the theory. How could anyone be expected to build a column around a word like that? I'm going to pick another word. THE NEXT WORD I've chosen is "sea lily," another noun defined as "crinoid; esp. a stalked crinoid. Let's start all over. I could write a column about stalked crinoids don't get me wrong but it wouldn't be a good column. Take my word for it crinoids are very dull, especially stalked crinoids. The less said about them the better. bet-ter. I'm not trying to cheat. If I'd wanted to cheat, I wouldn't have mentioned lamb's-quarters or crinoids crin-oids I mean, sea lily in the first place. I would just have kept picking words until I got a neat one, and then started with it. I didn't have to tell you about those words. Actually, I think I'm being very candid about the entire matter. OKAY, SO HERE WE go for another an-other word, and this time I'm not |