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Show Editorial jVionopoiy Every morning thousands of University students are up at dawn preparing their strategy for the start of the campus version of Monopoly, better known as "Parking Space." There is a great concern for the average of 350 players who lose daily for not following the rules. Therefore, as a public service, the Daily Utah Chronicle has printed the following rules in order to curb the rising fatality rate. 1. Each player must obtain a minimum of one parking sticker per car. Pay $7.50 to the landlord if you are a student or a faculty member. Pay $2.00 if a student and a staff member. And $2.00 if your're a staff member or know someone who is. (Students parents who are administrators, faculty or staff members may avoid payment. ) 2. Players may enter the competition at any official entrance to the University, providing it has not been blocked by an act of the Gods. 3. Proceed cautiously to the first space marked with the letter on your sticker. (Upper class students don't be fooled. You possess the highest letter in the alphabet, but "S" comes before you on campus. ) 4. If players become overly frustrated through passing empty "S" spaces, they may pause temporarily in a twenty minute zone. 5. A player has won "Parking Space" if he successfully reaches a space : a. Within on mile of his class. b. Before his class is half over. c. If he can walk to school. 6. Players almost win if : a. They park after the police have ticketed for that time period. b. Were passed over in a twenty minute zone. c. Cut their class. d. Prevaricate to park in the Visitor's Lot. 7. Players lose if : a. They get a ticket. b. If they become unsportsmanlike after circumnavigating circum-navigating campus 3 times unsuccessfully. The Chronicle hopes students will adhere to the rules and participate with the true sporting spirit. READY, SET, GO ! |