OCR Text |
Show HAVE LUNCH TODAY BIMBO'S 1320 EAST 2nd SOUTH (Just Off Campus) rcp ' Max ShuIman I NJy (By the author of "Rally Round the Flag, Boys!", x "Dobie Gillis," etc.) ROOMMATES: THEIR CAUSE AND CURE You'd think that with all the progress we have made in the education game, somebody would have found a cure for roommates by now. But no. Roommates remain as big a problem today as they were when Ethan Mather founded the first American college. (Contrary to popular belief, Harvard was not the first. Mr. Mather started his institution some 100 years earlier. And quite an institution it was, let me tell you ! Mr. Mather built schools of liberal arts, fine arts, dentistry and tanning. tan-ning. He built a lacrosse stadium that seated 200,000. Everywhere on campus was emblazoned the stirring Latin motto CAVE MtSS-"Watch out for moose." The student stu-dent union contained a bowling alley, a weighing machine, ma-chine, and a sixteen-chair barber shop.) (It was this last feature the barber shop that, alas, brought Mr. Mather's college to an early end. The student body, being drawn chiefly from the nearby countryside, was composed almost entirely of Pequot and Iroquois Indians In-dians who, alas, had no need of a barber shop. They braided the hair on top of their heads, and as for the hair on their faces, they had none. The barber, Tremblatt Follicle , ' byname, grew so depressed staring day after day at 16 empty emp-ty chairs that one day his mind gave way. Seizing his vibrator, vibra-tor, he ran outside and shook the entire campus till it crumbled crum-bled to dust. This later became known as Pickett's Charge. ) But I digress. We were exploring ways for you and your roommate to stop hating each other. This is admittedly difficult but not impossible if you will both bend a bit, give a little. I remember, for example, my own college days (Berlitz '08) . My roommate was, I think you will allow, even less agreeable than most. He was a Tibetan named Ringading whose native customs, while indisputably colorful, were not entirely endearing. Mark you, I didn't mind so much the gong he struck on the hour or the string of firecrackers firecrack-ers he set off on the half hour. I didn't even mind that he singed chicken feathers every dusk and daybreak. What I . did min,d was that he singed them in my hat. To be fair, he was not totally taken with some of my habits either especially my hobby of collecting water. I had no jars at the time, so I just had to stack the water any-old-where. Well, sir, things grew steadily cooler between Ringading Ringa-ding and me, and they might actually have gotten ugly had we not each happened to receive a package from home one day. Ringading opened his package, paused, smiled shyly at me, and offered me a gift. "Thank you," I said. "What is it?" "Yak butter," he said. "You put it in your hair. In Tibetan Ti-betan we call it gree see kidstuff." "Well now, that's mighty friendly," I said and offered him a gift from my package. "Now you must have one of mine." "Thank you," he said. "What is this called ?" "Personna Stainless Steel Razor Blades," I said. "I will try one at once," he said. And did. "Wowdow!" he cried. "Never have I had such a smooth, close, comfortable shave!" "Ah, but the best is yet!" I cried. "For you will get many, many smooth, close, comfortable shaves from your Personna Blade each one nearly as smooth, close, and comfortable as the first !" "Wowdow!" he cried. "Moreover," I cried, "Personna Blades come both in Double Edge style and Injector style!" "Sort of makes a man feel humble," he said. "Yes," I said. We were both silent then, not trusting ourselves to speak. Silently we clasped hands, friends at last, and I am proud to say that Ringading and I remain friends to this day. We exchange cards each Christmas and firecrackers each Fourth of July. 1906. Max Shulman The makers of Personna Stainless Steel Blades who sponsor this column sometimes nervously are also the makers of Burma Shave. Burma Shave soaks rings around any other lather and is available in regular or menthol. Be kind to your kisser; try some soon. ARTISTS & SPEAKERS PRESENT llziiali rs-A If! liOziJ VIOLINIST Itzhak . Perlman's remarkable musicality and command of his instrument have brought him in a very short time to the forefront of the younger generation of -violinists. Born in Tel Aviv in 1945, he came to the U.S. when he was thirteen, under the auspices of the America-Israel Cultural Foundation and studied at the Juilliard School of Music under Dorothy Delay and Ivan .Gallamian, appearing meanwhile in many cities in this 111 country and Canada. His winning of the coveted Leven- I tritt Award in April, 1964, capped the judgment of many leading musicians, who judged Perlman to be among the chosen few. SATURDAY, FEB. 12 - KINGSBURY HALL 8:15 P.M. STUDENTS MAY PRESENT THEIR ACTIVITY CARDS & 25c FOR TICKETS AT: ANNEX: 8 A.M. -5 P.M. HUDDLE TICKET BOOTH: 8:30-2:30 HIN 5 LEARN YOUR " FORTUNE i WIN FREE !f f HEAD STANDARD'S K V'N RAWING HEAD lSSW8 |