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Show ALL DUMM by Roy Dunn HOWDY, FOLKS Last night, on the way home from work, it was three-thirty in the morning, and except for a few, Springville was fast a-sleep. a-sleep. As I drove down Main Street. I saw a police officer going from door to door in the down-town section. He was shaking each door as he went along, and after sweeping the interior of the store with his flashlight, he passed on to the next. "Protectors of our peace," I thought, and it gave me a feeling feel-ing of security. I ate a light snack of liver-wurst. liver-wurst. dill pickles and raspberry rasp-berry ice cream before going to bed at four-thirty. I was so blamed hungry that I reckon my belly thought my throat was cut. 'But maybe I won't do that again, 'cause I had the darnd'st dream, and 1 didn't sleep good. pleaded with the masses to be heard that they be made head man. But the masses heard them not for they were busy trying to get Congress to take from the camps of the army, all alcoholic liquors, and the soldiers in the camps cried out, "Good Lord, you have tried that once and found it not to be so good." And still the soldier sol-dier had to settle for 3.2 beer before he went into battle for the South Viets, knowing full well that his head may be blowed off. And the tribes of the Capitalists had to quit selling sel-ling junk for Nguyen to shoot at them, and they advanced no more, neither did they retreat, and it was a mess. 3. And it came to pass that the workers in the fields were in the army and there was much want in the land. And the soldiers wanted to go home and the workers in the factories fac-tories wanted to go hunting in the woods, and the men in the offices wanted to go. unto a game called football, and the want was great, for anybody who was any place, wanted to go unto some other place. And it came to pass that the autos disappeared from the highways and byways and the college boys had no more use for their thumbs. And there were no more ships to bring the coffee bean or fruit from the banana tree, or the sap from the rubber rub-ber tree. And many saps that had been called "Dearie," were now called "Pappie." 4. And it came to pass that the tribes of the Capitalists were afraid and they were sore afraid. And some of their number were afraid that Nixon, who was a scribe, would be their head of government. And others were afraid that Rocky, who was a money changer, would win this coveted office. Still others were afraid of a lover from the far-away land of California, and a dealer of hardware from the land of the lakes who had been the Chief-tian's Chief-tian's helper, but helped no more. And when the gold and silver had been taken from the people by the tax collectors, and the houses where they dwelt were cold, they cried out in desperation, "Unite or be lost!" And all the people rejoiced re-joiced and when it came time to vote, they went joyfully to their voting places and voted, much to their sorrow, for Wallace. Wal-lace. Shucks, folks, that was only a dream and I ain't about to take any stock in dreams. But I dunno, it kinda bugs me. Maybe it was all that liver-wurst liver-wurst and pickles and ice cream I ate before going to bed. Anyway, I ain't gonna do that any more. It just ain't worth it, no matter how hungry hun-gry I get. SEE YAALL LATER I dreamed it was the year of A.D. 3968 and I was an archaeologist. Ain't that just like a dream? Shucks, I just barely finished the sixth grade when I was a kid. I guess I musta been a sixth grade dropout, drop-out, only they didn't call them drop-outs in those days. They were patted on the back and encouraged to help make a living liv-ing for the too-big, poverty stricken family, commonly referred re-ferred to as, "Po' white trash." Anyway, in this dream I was digging around in the mountains moun-tains and I found a bunch of parchments and records sealed in an air-tight recess in the rocks. This was all bundled up and sent away to a university where it was deciphered and found to be a history of the year of 1968, and I read the following shirt history, translated trans-lated into English: FOURTH BOOK OF IKE Verse One: AND IT CAME TO PASS that Nguyen Thanh Le, son of Ahbich, was the rich, young ruler of a far-away land called North Vietnam. And he riled up the tribes of North Vietnam and they persecuted the tribes of South Vietnam, and there was war. And when the war was for four years, many tribes came to the help of the South Vietnamese. But the South Vietnamese took up arms not. They took up arms not, lest in doing so they would lose a sheckle. And the Capitalists came in great multitudes from over the sea to advise the tribes of the South Vietnamese. Vietnam-ese. "We are experts in the art of slaughter and we will coach you and furnish the gold and silver." And straightway it was so, for the South Vietnamese Viet-namese knew a good thing when they saw it and happily agreed. And they were wise for they knew that the Capitalists would be in it, up to their bloody necks, within a few moons. And all this came to pass and the South Vietnamese lifted up their voices and sang, "Onward Christian Soldiers," we will make the uniforms if you will cross our palms with gold. And the'. South Viets lifted lift-ed up their eyes and beheld a great opportunity and they said one to another, "The time has come to barter for junk and pieces of gold and silver." And straightway it was so. They grieved not when a city was destroyed and its tribes slaughtered. For when a city is destroyed, there is junk, and where there is junk, there is junk-dealers. And where there is junk-dealers, there is money. And when the multitudes of Capitalists had risen, Nguyen, son of Ahbich, was sore pressed press-ed and he was sore. And it came to pas that the tribes of John Bull was on one side, and the tribes of Siberia was on one side, and the tribes of Johnson was on all sides, and Nguyen, son of Ahbich, was on his back-side. 2. And it was during these troubled times that there arose in the east and the west and the north and south of the Capitalist land, a tribe of warriors war-riors called politicians. And with much waving of the arms and crying of the voices, they |