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Show 0UU BUDGET OF FUN " SOME GOOD JOKES OR.o.NAL AND SELECTED. Ho , a r,,,r ,, Tl.ouKht He Knew 'l"W to Mv UU salary Ralsed-K.'rU.u. Ralsed-K.'rU.u. Vossllilll,v...V wcful Du, of Mourulu,; Ui Womnlllo. Ho Was n Tushcr. A physiognomist would have said after n glance at the young man with the pink eyebrows, that he was one to push himself forward at every opportunity, op-portunity, and proof would have been at hand to corroborate the diagnosis. A lady who boarded the Metropolitan car found every seat taken, and the young man was the first to offer her his. As she bowed her acknowledgments acknowledg-ments lie looked more closely at her and queried: "Aren't you Mrs. Blueflelds?" . "YeS. Sit." W:ls thn vnnlv A Kitchen Secret. - ' Mamma was serving jam pudu'.-g. ' "Johnny, will you take a little pudding?" pud-ding?" Johnny Yes; will you give rue the ends, please? Mamma But why do you wish to have the ends, Johnny? j Johnny Why, when I was In the j kitchen I heard Ellen say to cook: j "Put a good lot of jam in the ends, cook, because you know the ends are always left for us." Tit-Bits. An Irish Bull. An Irish officer, addressing his men. who had just returned from a somewhat some-what fruitless expedition, said: "You were no doubt disappointed because this campaign gave you no opportunity to fight; but If there had been any fighting there would have been many absent faces hero today!" Tit-Bits. Correct. Small Willie, after eating two pieces of rue at. dinner, asked for a third. "Why, Willie," said his father, "you must not eat so much, or people will call you a pig. You know what a pig is, don't you?" "Y'es, sir," replied the precocious youngster; "a pig is a hog's little boy." What-to-Eat. A Woeful Wrong. "Husband has an office on F street?" "Yes." "I thought so. I am one of the clerical cler-ical force in his office, vou know." "Well?" "Oh. that's about all. One of . the clerical force, you know, and If It comes handy you might tell your husband hus-band that I gave up my seat to you. Everything goes when a fellow Is looking look-ing for a step up and a raise of salary." Washington Post. Ills Kxplunalhm. An old sea captain who had navigated navi-gated his ship many times round the world persisted in maintaining that our globe is not a globe at all, but a flat surface. No arguments, derisive ! or painstakingly educational, could j alter his opinion one jot. Some one said to him once: "But If the earth is as you say, cap-! cap-! tain, there must be an edge to It. How j Is Is that no one has ever tumbled i over the edge?" 1 "Why, of course they have," he an-: an-: swered, triumphantly; "that's where the ships go that are reported 'niiss-; 'niiss-; ing'." Tit-Bits. Didn't Know It by That Xante. i "Didn't you find the tipping nuls-! nuls-! ance particularly exasperating?" some one asked Uncle Jerry, who had just I ' returned from his first visit to a fash-i fash-i ionable watering place. I "The tipping nuisance?" he said. "Oh, yes, there was always some Idiot ; who wanted to rock the boat." Chi- j cago Tribune. Mrs. Winifred Worm "Why in mourning, dear?" Mrs. Wilhelmina Worm "A sad bereavement, be-reavement, befell our family today. My husband, while in the house tending the baby, was bitten in two by William, Wil-liam, the farmer's son." A French Hull. A newly appointed French mayor Inaugurated In-augurated his regime by a notice to the following effect: "On the feast of our patron saint the fire brigade will be reviewed in the afternoon if it rains in the morning and in the morning If it rains in the afternoon." Tit-Bits. The Stimulus of Years. Could Sympathize. Fair Young American (at Paris exposition, ex-position, introducing acquaintance) " unt Ann, my friend, Mr. Hermann." Elderly Aunt (cordially shaking hands) "Dear me! There's a pair of us I miss mine, too. Can't find him anywhere. 'Mandy, what did you say the lady's name was?" Chicago Trib- une. A Mysterious Spall. There seems," remarked the ro-mantle ro-mantle young man, as he looked moon- ward, "to be a mysterious spell in the ! atmosphere." "There is." answered the young ' woman, who is a teacher in the public i . ..t viiito hppn correcting ex- "This is a sad world; people lose all their enthusiasm after 50." "That's not so; look at Cousin Geor- giana." "What is she enthusiastic about? "Why stupid, keeping everybody from knowing she is 50."-Indianapohs Journal. Publicity. "I am content to be numbered among the politically dead," said the politl- Cl T don't blame you," said the other. -It I were in your place I'd rather have an epitaph than to have noth ng at all said about me."-Washington Star. ' . f Proper Height- . . . ,v. n y o n amTation papers all day."-Washing-ton Star. An Unfortunate SIlx-Up. ..What color will yon have your house painted this spring? I "I don't dare to mention colors at I home Just now. It appears tha my i wife's hat doesn't harmonize with her ! Tut, and both of them are shade! SI darker than her new hosiery. -Clev land Plain Dealer. Well'" exclaimed tne man Wu been standing on a trunk and looking over the heads of the crowd, the admiral's ad-miral's all right." ''Yes' He shakes hands at exactly tne altitude I doMcago Tribune. The Cheaper Way. ' city Cousin-I see the farm house 1 tn this is closed. Why is that? h iU0 Relative-"Mr, Hayfork, who- A Serious 1'osslblllty. J! ' & ran" on'the5 farm a, feed!, city relations.-Wat. Stylos. "i there any difference ?l,STihbIyea s stytes'of -addle, between this ye" j and those of last year ,BiCyCJ:rrth rt7-seven styles. This Z I lli lnVt tliere are only thirty-hree'-Chlcago Tribune. Sore Slcrn. ecrtain that Sue is engaged to F,-Tvhy she never mentions him." "That is "hat convinces me. She doing anything, Mabel. ftWalk'i "Thanks; but I don't think Mabel Tnan' ' 0 nut together. " "Z?e - - dauhter hoine."-P"nc used to make all mauu.. .-DetroitJPres- Some Be turn. Jones-"They ought to hang that defaulting de-faulting treasurer JOhnSnr7dn t h e the people . I abUtl nley Kansas City The Jlaul- WJ' tban ufe... swore he loved nothing. Be- The Matron - TU' umed to care ing a BoWier. he. langag city Iude-nothing Iude-nothing foi llle' pendent. . suit. Kiy?" u0 perfectly that I've "Oh, U fltsp'hcrPe every afternoon this week, eyre going" The Jay-- 1 . neWSpapers. Si,ppvs these jcl th de Tne J;!rKani City Independent. 0dorlrfl? 'i run i"1 - i Independent. '; A" -o boy take ! so yu are leU'n 3 organ lessons ?" eye and j "Yes: it-PhiTadelpWa Bulletin, ear specialist. ( . Ficelleut Beaaon. I ,.Freddr ia,k trom ! fflo'sSI il'he'd comP'ny fer r selind!anapoourl- , TheJay"lrEind yon took the faith cure. mgersoll."-The mgersoll."-The Josh les, ritv Independent. Kansas City i" i |
