| Show christmas Is dying y ing out say birsky w an and d Z ap p N and wo ivo done it the now everybody buys pres fellow that invented the bents out of season and saying do your shop holiday sales of sticker ping early 4 it t vt jt goods are doomed t 8 e by dy MONTAGUE GLASS illustrations afons by BRIGGS ain t what it i 1 d to be barnett remarked as he sat opposite louis birsky in wasser bauer bauers s rant sure I 1 know I 1 k X I 1 biesly s a aid I 1 d t spreading a slice of rye bread with Z mustard as he k waited for an or der of krep loca M F soup w m ith ge fullee te beches to follow follon former times if a retail dry doods concern didn dian t got half their salesladies faint on em every night for two weeks before christmas their creditors would mould come down on them and ask them to discount their bills no nowadays if a casi casti girl gets a head ache that thata b big already birsky nodded sadly christmas is da ding ing out he de cl dared ared the people Is getting too wise it used to be that if you wanted to push your stickers cheth er it was handkerchiefs socks neck ties oder gloves all you haq to do was to wait till the first of december mark em up 50 per cent oyer over the regu tar retail price for fresh goods put em in red paper boxes y andel stand and your customers practically used blackjacks on each other to get at the counter where the goods was dis played christmas silver articles was also good sales I 1 seen butter dishes go like hot akes which the salesladies was warned not to dust them off mit te feathers athers even on account it might scratch the silver plate and show the brass underneath but that s a thing of df the past now and who mho done it ac CHR 5 yap 8 Is al 0 0 j it people treated christmas not as a holiday but as an excuse it was the feller that invented the saying do your christmas Chilst Chiist mas shopping early who did invent it asked I 1 should binom who mho invented it birsky exclaimed but whoever he was he put a bigger crin p in the cheap handkerchief business than the feller who invented tablets because if you are doing your christ mas shopping amount the first of octo her when all al them poor fellers runs summer hotels and bathing pa is saying to themselves sow now it gets warm marm handkerchiefs for colds are the furthest from you your thoughts ako also chi luiei chose hose moth ars do their christmas shopping in september bep 1 is apt 0 lo 10 o get school supplier 4 f 0 0 0 0 5 IT TS inking what his parents are go vig to hand H m next morning enste id ct sleighs because i i sl opper am tin t got no sl e buys hat hats s in season and it if she N was as doing her christmas shopping as early as the fourth of july understand she m weald 0 aid coi e home wath with fire N arks say said fl fi aping the fingers of his right hand at birsky ers aenk ain allowed to sell no more fireworks around the fourth of july it s against the law I 1 know it birsky cont aued and it if people couldn coulden t shoot off firecrackers around the fourth of july and couldn coulden t shop around cl CI all it needs is that it should be a suspended sentence en terice for or eating turkey oa on and the only pleaser plea suri re ve got left in amer 4 4 la ia ia 1 decorating graves on thy thu thir bieth of may still in a away m ay it s a good thing that christmas Is more wore or less a thing of the past said because when vou nou tried to collect a bill from some body around christmas time it didat t make male no difference if he was mas retired from business except for a 10 per cent interest in a bathing suit factory he would mould want nant you to wait mait till his christ mas rush w as over also people dian didn t give no orders because it was around christmas birsky and just because it was va near christmas and they claimed they could use all the money they could get your creditors hinted you to pay bills which sou hardly knew you owed on account of not receiving the second monthly statement yet fur thedmore ther more if you owned a te tenement ement house you d sot got dif culty collecting tie t ie november rent bebau e the ten ants said it m was as so near christmas and that s the way it NA w ent birsky people ti treated christmas not as a holiday but as an excuse the w m onder is it ain aln t d ed out altogether TI e w m wholesaler hole saler wouldn t miss it it if it did birsky commented believe me for every child that lays awake the night before Christ christmas mis thinking what his parents are going to gabd habd him the next morning is fifty manufacturers counting slice sheep P jumping over fences trying not to tl ink what m hat some of their customers in the retail dry goods trade Is golit to hand them after the second of janu ary it don t require much water to biown a shaky dry goods retailer lie he can sink like a stone in two days r biln ian during the week before christmas dont don t I 1 know said II 11 the christmas presents thit the w m hole salers give by mistake to shaky retail dry goods men was put on trees the way other christmas presents are trey m would cover all the red redwood N gi giaves oves in california but it aint the retailers retail eis fault birsky sometimes the feller Is hard luck like a merchant like I 1 used to sell goods to by the name lame felix Irn immersi ck ek out in cincinnati which a couple of years ago last Chilst mas he specialized on sleighs skates slates and cheap furs and from de cember 15 on they got sich a warm marra spell in cincinnati that the hotel I 1 beep era figured should tl ti ey or sl they not open the roof bardens fear dens again so the folio follo ving year immerglick cat cut out the sleighs and skates and laid in bi buyckes yeles clAil children drens s books and a deiy attractive line of um brellis ts and ira im nur glick says thit its it s a w onder monder mith w ath I 1 s luck I 1 ie e dl biln in t alo alho buy stock in a haan of artificial ice faciones fac tones bec use tase on the div he received the goods if ir the thermometer goes dov doik n to zero on him and stays tl at ft iv till a week after h s next sa s1 ring r millinery nery opening can you blame such adeller a teller that he s with mith his cred its it s SO 80 cents on the dollt listen birsky said a 80 30 CM t on the e dollar feller could always piu his bust up on either a warm marm christmas a cold easter or an lu in alad wife whereas the figures that the average of real cold Christma christmases seb ain t no more than the average of real rea sil wh wives es hure bure I 1 know birsky but figuring oui out the averige is what has done ohp th most harm to poker pinochle the I 1 lurth of july christmas and all tt eia em thin thines s that former time people enjo ed ru running ning chances on take tale for in stance the fourth of july and a lot of people which considers e even een en safety matches goes to work and figures th thit it out of every million people ta stat at shoots off firecrackers one and seven hundred and fiat fifty two one thou deorle gets burned so tl ey put tre tle fireworks manufacturers out of business and now instead of setting off fire N arks people goes to the shore or trolley parks on the fourth and as soon as it gets figured out that of ev ery cry million people that goes to trolley parks and coney island six and nine ty seven three thousandths gets ma gen saure from eating frankli frankfurters and d run over 1 bi trolley cars on t the e decurth A i ii bat 1 of july all the frankfurter factories and trolley companies go quick me aber what s that got to do with christmas birsky asked I 1 am in coming to that said people are commencing to figure aver ages on christmas also take miss J f morgan and she figures that out of eveia million christmas presents dis placed in stores a certain percentage of people buys cometh ng which thea the couldn t afford and gin gives es it to a tain percentage of people which aln aint t got no use for it at all so she goes to work ind gets up a society for the prevention of useless gning agn ing and con a certain percentage of dry stores loses a certain percentage of customers which formerly had a rotten barila account and a good dis position and has now g t a good bank account and a rotten disposition but mis morgan flone one this for a lot of salos salesladies ladles which used to spend their ankney ney so foolishly at rat christmas bapp that they had nothing left to tale tal e a vak vacation aaion with in the summer time tl TI it at may be so birsky said and ahil lilla I 1 aln aint t exactly a certified X all t gets Maaen saure from eating frank furthers public accountant birsky I 1 figure that if 90 per cent of christmas sh shoppers followed miss morgan s advice birsky the dri goods stores would shut down around christmas and them thew sales id es would mould not only take a vacation I 1 in the summer time but in the winter minter time also and then the question is how Is them siles sales ladles going to raise money tor for their winter minter vacations miss morgan i uld guld get up a sub script lon maybe MB be birsky sugg and the proceeds after the expense of collection m ei e deducted would sup port twenty three six sax hundredths of a salesI saleslady idy for hours birsky concluded which the trouble with mith them people that figure out the averages is that they don t consider human be is men and w m omen but as fractious auge reckoned to hun dred thousandths bet et also its it a good tl ng to figure out ahe he aven averages on the percentages of people anat set off eirew arks and dont don t get burned and the percentage of people that it wouldn t do a bit of harm to if they bought once in a while for somebody a p besent useful or otherwise in other words birsky if a on re going to reck reek on tip up tl e averages on anything the I 1 est w m ay Is to figure how it w m ill affect one hundred one hundredths of the le twelve months out of the year and then go to work and get up the so clety for the prevention of prevention societies and limit the membership to one hundred million americans most of us would mould colu it copyright |
