| Show SYMPATHY AS AN ART aitt MRS FRANK LESLIE SUGGESTS A SOCIAL revolution the rellow fellow reeling taint abut preserves preserve golden silence borron it cruel then neath til clr unselfish but love I OTC A brilliant woman suggestions IM by american press association 1 fil ill 1 1 q 1 1 11 1 na 1 ai N jr 1 DONT know any cincu circumstance as of social life so trying strying to mens souls on both sides as the tha circumstance cum curr stance istance demanding sympathy death is bad enough but it is by no means the worst most of us ns have boon been through that dark and terrible hour when that which seemed our all has been laid away from our sight eight and from among men and our friends frienda have come dressed in somber clothes and with somber and set countenances have one by one insisted upon laying bare tho the wound we wow would fain hide under tinder our mourning garb arb and expressing more or less crudely more or less delicately the sympathy of which they have come to assure us U s it t is a social necessity that they should come wo we should feel surprised and slighted if they did not and we do not dream of shirking the tha painful duty either of receiving or of paying visits of condolence and yet I 1 often wonder it if it would not be well to induce a social revolution wherein this and several other time honored customs should be swept away time honored indeed for speaking 0 of this matter the other day to a friend I 1 was waa told that when job fell into affliction his three friends at once made an appointment to meet and make maka a collective call of condolence but and here please observe the superiority of discretion in the days of job compared with ours having arrived with job they pat eat down upon the ground and for seven days and nights nobody spoke a now we dont have time in this era to sit in silence seven days and nights in the tha presence of our oar friends but I 1 often think if our custom was to go and sit seven minutes moro more or less beside besida our friend and then go away with a mute caress or clasp of tho the hand band how much better it would be than to try to say soi something and that generally the wrong thing I 1 shall never forget a dear little unconventional widow whom I 1 went to see just after the sudden and shocking death of her young husband it was so BO good of you to come but oh dont say eay a word not one word gasped she and I 1 almost literally corn com plied yes bereavement is bad enough and to very few if to any is it given to speak the words of comfort or reassurance but there are sorrows far more cruel than death there are bereavements sudden and more hopeless than those of the grave and it is in these that sympathy may indeed despair of fitly expressing itself even by sitting bitting silent seven days and nights in its presence A man in some prominent position of trust becomes a defaulter and runs away leaving his wife and family to bear the shame and notoriety of his crime perhaps leaving them in poverty and debt as well for very few criminals commit but ono one land of sin A defaulter is is usually intensely selfish and considers his own desires so BO exclusively that lie he not only appropriates moneys not his own but his neighbors wife as well and is utterly callous as to the suffering of all sorts to which he be condemns tho the woman lawfully his own now what sympathy can one oppress empress to such a mourner as that wife what word would seem other than tham presumptuous and intrusive to such bereave ment and yet we all do feel sorry for her we all do long to let her know it and to comfort her some of us who have struggled in deep waters ourselves shrink from the attempt and contrive some other mode of showing the true sympathy we feel and yet there is grief so deeply dyed with shame that positively no notice should betoken betaken be taken of it even a box bos of flowers even a new book or a card would serve to hint nt at condolence too strongly and we remember that though speech is silvern silence is often golden but yet again there are even deeper and more sensitive than that of f the insulted and deserted wife there is is an agony of shame not to bo be shifted to other shoulders than ones very own there is it bereavement known to all the world and yet which the sufferer would fain hide from even her own eyes and this is when a woman has too readi readily ly yielded up her affections to one wh who 0 fm eim ply amused himself with her easy ere crl dohty and when her devotion began to pall he be kissed and rode away every one in her little world knows the whole story the malicious mih cious v whisper chisper hi sper well S she be throw herself at ins his head what could she espolt esp oct tho the kinder hearted be arteil ones murmur marmur poor thing I 1 was afraimi ho he mean anything and the sharpest sting of her mortification is ia that she knows that they all know and aro are scorning at her or pitying her still she can boar it so long as nobody says saya anything but they ali there are sure to beat be at least two cr three well meaning fools who want to express their sympathy who in fact insist upon doing so eo in spite of all the wriggles and paintings pan tings of their victim as helpless na as a 9 frog under a crotched stick with a ci creel cl boy at tho the other end or more mor appropriately a frog in tho clutched hes of a vivisectionist who is determined to lay jay open the throb bings of poor trog frog gies heart in tho the in of humanity 1 this sympathizer bides her time she Slie waits until she can pen her victim in a corner or penetrate to her bedroom or get her into alto a Nic rictoria toria or a buggy where no interruption ter is 13 possible and then the begins sly dear child I 1 want to tell you how dreadfully sorry I 1 am tor for your disappointment but how bow camo came you to suppose mr smith was serious in his attentions tell mo me all about it dear it will comfort your poor heart to speak out did the man ever really ask you to marry him and so on until the deserted damsel is rendy ready to fling ahng herself out of tho the vehicle under the horses feet ind and feels that the loss of her lover is as aa gothing compared with the shamo shame of being pitied and sympathized with or take the case of a man r who ho has been horsewhipped horse whipped or kicked or slapped in the face by another man strong stronger e r and bigger and therefore braver than himself iio he want to know that his friends are sorry for liml him iio would much rather be suffered to imagine that they heard of it and yet there are plenty of thick skinned idiots who IN will ill on the first opportunity rush up to him w with ith outstretched hand my dear fellow I 1 want to tell yo yon 13 bow indignant id ignant I 1 am at the way that bruto brute treated yoni you fairly lacked kicked you down the steps of the clubhouse they tell met just like these great hulking beasts who think because they are b big I 1 and strong a little fellow like you or rae me must gi give ve in to all their insolence probably the man thus apostrophized at abonce once measures the other little fellow with ids his eye and mentally decides that he can thrash him at least angwill and will do so BO on the first opportunity among my acquaintances on one side or the other of the water I 1 am proud to include a lady whose father was hung hang and justly so for murder of course the most of her friends painfully avoided any subject within rifle shot of the subject but I 1 heard that more than one well meaning person had attempted to sympathize with her and thereby nearly drove the poor woman to madness or think of a mother whose son has committed somo some shameful crimo crime and is either a fugitive from justice or is suffering her penalties fancy any sympathy even the tha most delicate being anything but an offense to such a sufferer in fact there is no love upon whose death it is not safer to count than upon that of a mother smother it is positively indestructible and I 1 have never found any other class of love to which that word would apply certainly some wives have loved some husbands some maidens have loved some lovers somo some v Y omen have loved some men not wisely but too well through good report and ill through fortune and misfortune cruelty and kindness f faithfulness and unfaithfulness even to the bitter end but this unreasoning constancy cannot be predicted of wives or fiancees francees fian cees or mistresses distresses mi stresses as a rule much depends upon the individual but in the case caie of mothers it is the rule role especially as regards her sons the bad boy may develop into the unmitigated scamp the profligate the villain the jailbird but though she may be ba driven to discard him to banish hini him from her sight to declare that she sha no longer calls him son there is always at the core of her heart an undying flame of love a divine forgiveness and pity and longing m that she could not if she would quench quench or destroy let lct the sinner but reach his bis mothers feet let him never so clumsily plead I 1 mother I 1 have sinned oh ch forgive met mel and his pardon pa don is assured ed even though lier her judgment her reason her conscience sternly condemn him that mother lovo love of hers will rise up and drown them all in the torrent of its deathless force in tho the scripture story it is set forth as a memora memorable blo thing that the father of the prodigal son forgave him it is not even mentioned that his mother did for not to be ba irreverent that goes without saying doubtless she had forgiven him long I 1 before he be set out for home and indeed it is probable enough that it was tho the telepathy of her love and forgiveness that induced him to relinquish his foul living and return well then is it not obvious that with such love as this in the tha background no mother will patiently accept sympathy for her sons misdeeds it I 1 twill only ang anger er her and rouse her to defend him even though no defense be possible if she ia u a womanish sort of woman she will probably adopt the tu quique form of ro resentment sent ment and say besl know harry has done a foolish thin thing but it arose entirely from his desire to help and shield a friend you must remember all young 0 men aro arc not liko like your john always considering si what is best for hi his own interests if she is not womanish but womanly the best you can expect is thank you but this is a subject upon which I 1 do not wish to talk I 1 was once speaking with a lady in london whose son had bad just been pursued and brought back from the continent under a c harge charge of aggravated breach of trust when another lady camo came up and took her hand with a murmur of dear mrs blank I 1 want to tell you how sorry I 1 am what you have heard of it alrea already dyl exclaimed mrs blank with a smile like the flash of a bayonet then halt balf turning to mo ine sho continued 1 I have lost my coachman you know actually the poor fellow dropped dead in the tha stables this morning mornin ir and I 1 am perfectly heartbroken tho best old soul that ever held a whip ho he was my fathers coachman and actually put me on the first pony I 1 ever rode but I 1 cant think how you beard of it so soon my dear except that I 1 believe you make it a point to gather a ther every bit of news that is stirring dont your you and with this neat little blow in the face mrs blank baile baided 1 away leaving her would be sympathizer gasping but there is no need of swelling the list of cases where the truest sympathy sa u expressed by apparent ignorance igno ranco of lay iny calise cause for sympathy every person oi of dib bocy or a organization will 0 such cases for themselves anil to those who aro are not delicate and ee B in tb their cir own berbon personality al i t y n no 0 aino nt of teaching will effect t the 1 e 0 object L you cannot train a rhinoceros into atlin a tan skinned dArab arab steed nor ft a cactus into i sensitive plant most people and naos mos things die very much what they are arc torn lorn and the tha clumsy sympathizers no don t will trill exist erist when tv tho world ceases justis it did nhsn it began to bo be bt there are cases and plenty of aber where truo true and tender sympathy is lie ire tho the very dew daw of heaven upon the paraded and drooping flowers there are ender souls that long iong for sympathy jubbs a little child holds up its hurt finar tor for every one to lasa and mako make wel to such persons and to sorrow of to ile ordinary outspoken sort with wit it no ting ling 0 shame about it let us gil give 0 sym rate patla a free and generous hand but alcove all let it be tho the right t kind of sympathy sm pathy it is in many cases it if not in il anoro blessed to give than to re cera and this applies to gifts gifta of thy qute as much as to more tangible mated majc I 1 IOU I 1 know knew a iedy who said she had been to church all her life but had not been alo ale to acquire grace sufficient to enjoy bing pitied by anybody for anything of course was pride and pride p naughty but very universal So Some it takes the form of amour P r 0 P which aich is something a little dif f fer 1 r 1 entrom self love although that is is the oy english equivalent for tho amour b ia a very delicate ang to handle sometimes it is ia hurt I 1 being touched sometimes it is still me hurt by being lot let alone som sometimes ch cb a person as this wants to be with and yet is arrita irritably bly datcu lera leat the sympathy they demand man dould seem to place tham at fault for forth misfortune dousay to such a one how could you tnt that man when every one said he be walis honest and tho the 6 nearly autin your face with the assertion that sa s1 is no more credulous than other etc itis it is i one word a very dangerous and delica matter either cither to give or r receive and all I 1 can say I 1 is is remember ll 11 fire water and gunpowder it is a goodding good ing ting so ion long as you know how to raan canaii atit t but if you dont for heavens sake sakei I 1 it alone 1 |
