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Show It is astonishing how very many people there are who, ?[*ingly] unable to draw a line between deception and reticence, commonly associate insincerity with courtesy; bluntness with honesty, as though the attempt to make things pleasant must ?[now] commonly involve deceit, as if there were a certain incompatibility between truthfulness and consideration for the feelings of others. How often do we hear the remark "Oh,¬¬¬¬____is a very good fellow, but I don't ? ?[trust] him; he's too civil by ?[half]." Or "you must not mind____'s rough manner-it is only his honest, outspoken way, he cannot help saying what he thinks". And so, on the strength of a reputation for honesty the plain, blunt man sneers at, or ignores the polish which prevents unpleasant friction, and expects to be allowed to elbow his way through life, priding himself upon the abrupt utterance of unpleasant truths, disconcerting some people, irritating and vexing others, and by way of asserting his own individuality treading without compunction upon his neighbor's ?[honest] feelings and often times leaving his heavy footprints upon ?[others] that are tender and [unreadable line] strong opinions are, perhaps the most prone to this ?[piece, source] of self ?[assertion], being much given to ?[menacing] and judging everything by their own ?[fixed] ideas, and to showing an undisguised contempt for those who differ from them. But, so far from a blunt discourteous, fault finding spirit, with a keen eye for blemishes and defects, and a dull apprehension of merit, being in any way desirable, it only proves a man wanting in one of the most necessary of social virtues, viz.,[namely] sympathy; in every discourteous act he say practically, "Your comfort and convenience are of no importance to me, you are a person of no consequence whatever," and naturally enough, under this treatment, resentment is aroused, good will vanishes, and affection melts away. There would be fewer broken friendships, fewer unhappy unions and family quarrels, were it not so much the custom among intimate friends and relatives to neglect the small courtesies of life, to show less and less mutual deference as the grow more and more familiar; it is the foundation of misery in marriage, and many a serious and life-long estrangement has begun, not from want of affection so much as from lack of that delicate and instructive appreciation of the feeling of others, which makes a person shrink from saying unpleasant things or finding fault unless absolutely obliged, and in any case to avoid wounding the offender's sense of dignity, or stirring up within him feelings of opposition and animosity, for , although many person profess to be above taking offence at ?[lowcut] censure, and even seem to court criticism, yet it must be very, very carefully administered not to be unpalatable. Even kind and generous actions are often so uncouthly preformed as to cause the recipient more pain than pleasure, while a reproof or denial may be so ?[executed] by courtesy as almost to do away with any sense of mortification or disappointment. True good breeding is always inclined to form a favorable judgment and to give others the credit of being actuated by worthy motives, it does not wish, or seem to know, more about people than they themselves desire should be known, but it is always prepared, when necessary, to take an interest in the affairs of others, while self is not suffered to obtrude unduly; to a superior it never reminds an inferior, by tone or gesture, of his position, in an inferior it never ? equality. A show of respect never fails to beget respect. ?[Sharter in mado, forieter in re,] should be the motto of all who desire to be either useful or beloved; the stronger an individual, the more impressive is his gentleness, the wiser he is, the more gratifying and complimentary his deference, and in a world where there is so much ?[unavoidable] discomfort and unhappiness, it is surely every one's duty to cultivate those gracious manners under whose magic influence the restless and dissatisfied grow more content with themselves and their surroundings, by which the diffident are encouraged, the invalid are reused and interacted, the young are inspired with self respect the old are kept bright and hopeful, which in short, beam sun shine everywhere, and increase a thousand fold the ?[apgregmic] of human happiness. As regards the plea that extreme courtesy must serge upon insincerity, there is no dishonesty in being civil, it is only carrying into practice the golden rule, to give to every on the best place possible in one's ?[esteem], and while not forgetting what is due to one's self, to remember at the same time the respect due to others. Why we should always hang our pictures in the best light possible, and yet be inclined to view our neighbors in the most unfavorable, it is difficult to understand. If a ?[friend] is blind in one eye, and has a disfiguring scar on the same side of his face, is it not both to his advantage and to ours to look at him in profile? Many good and well intentioned persons are dreadfully afraid of being unnecessarily polite, but St. [Saint] Peter exhorts to courtesy, St. Paul was "all things to all men," and, though there are of course occasions when plain speaking is a duty, let us, in the name of everything that is kindly and generous give, in doing it, as little pain as possible. As in every respect of life and duty, there are rocks on either hand to be avoided. The danger in excess is not nearly so great as is neglect of courtesy. At the same time good manners are the only ?[ones] with which to keep the complex machinery of ?[sound] life in good working order, to set ?[phopto] at their case, to draw them nearer together and to make them forget what is disagreeable. Inconsiderate bluntness, on the other hand, roughness of speech and manners which are but another name for egoism and selfishness, are sure, sooner or later, to react on those who habitually practice them, for they ?[possess], more than any other faculty, the knack of making enemies. The influence of many good people is undoubtedly much ?[diminished] by their want of that courtesy which has been well called benevolence ?[in ?oint] ?[change]; however good manners, self-control, gentle speech, ready admiration, must be, in their best ?, not a ?[mere, mild, nice?] surface polish, but an index of genuine feeling, of unselfishness, and consideration for others, they are the offspring as well as the source of good-will, ?[also the] whole nature must grow softer and sweeter from the constant practice of small self-sacrifices for the good of others, and its proportion as each individual succeeds, not in smothering candor, but in clothing it with the soft robes of kindness and courtesy, will be, while himself approaching the highest ideal of human goodness, develop in others unsuspected depths of wisdom, generosity, and love. |