OCR Text |
Show ALL SORTS. It was Artemus Ward who said that there are two things in this world for which no one is over prepared-twins.<br><br> "THERE'S no place like home," repeated Mr. Henpeck, looking at a motto, and he heartily added, "I'm glad there isn't."<br><br> YOU can tell a merciful farmer as soon as he stops his team at a post. He takes the blanket off his wife's lap and spreads it over the poor horses.-Detroit Free Press.<br><br> JUDGE-"See here, prisoner, if you do any more lying you won't get off with three years." Prisoner-"But, Judge, how many years d'ye s'ppose y'd gimme if I told the trooth?"<br><br> A WIFE, having lost her husband, was inconsolable for his death. "Leave me to my grief," she cried, sobbing; "you know the extreme sensibility of my nerves; a mere nothing upsets them."<br><br> ARTIST (to a porter)-"You carried my picture to the academy and handed it over to the Committee?" Porter-"Yes; and it pleased ‘em mightily. It would have done you good to see ‘em laugh."<br><br> Pastience iz a good thing for a man to hav, but when he has got so much ov it that he kan fish all day over the side ov a boat, without eny bait on his hook lazyness iz what's the matter ov him.-Josh Billings.<br><br> TRUTH, pure, mighty, strong-armed, beautiful truth, how we do love it! This paragraph is not written with the object of creating laughter, but to give general tone and stability to this column.-Burlington Hawkeye.<br><br> A POOR old rheumatic lady said to her physician: "Oh! doctor, doctor, I suffer so much with my hands and feet." "Be patient, dear madam," he soothingly responded, "you'd suffer a great deal more without them." |