Show 7 J III II- II 1 V V I RUNAWAY 1 V I FITCh V V i V VB VE just been readIng rending the romantic I story of Montague Barnes who be bc gan gun life Ife a poor boy oy with only one parent and two shoes and who had his seat sent In c congress gress In tn firm resounding tones Its It's all excessively Interesting to me and would be even At It any of the facts ts fac mentioned w were re true For I now know Mo Monty ty Barnes Bames I Ive I've ve known him liim for years ever years ever cr since the dime we sat In the literary society together to to- together gether at SI college and Monty Meaty used to get up and make speeches with witha a vo voice ce that so sounded like a n dried leaf In to a wash boiler 1 I remember Monty's first speech as plainly as If I had heard It I 1 can can repeat re re- peat It word it-word word wOld for word lie He said ald M mr chaIrman ell I I-I I I m mums we ad- ad He was holding baldIng on to two wo I IJ J chairs when n he made It Told me afterward that he stopped them thew as they were going around him and used them as sub substitutes for knees He was the th shyest man and the worst speaker who ever got I Into to th the Literary Literary Lit Lit- society He had bad sat for cor a year before before he d dared red make the above speech And It took him another year yem to get getso getso getso so fluent that he be co could address the so- so clety with the aid of at only one chair tI I remember how bOV we five used to o look forward for for- ward to the nights when Monty ran the society y As a chairman he reminded remind remind- ed red me of a puny child trying to herd wildcats You could chase him Into the th rafters with a point of at order and paral paralyze ze him for a whole evening with an amendment to an amendment amendment- Monty was so meek when we t took ok VV him II In Iii that thai he lie l had ad t to have hav a written permission m to sneeze In chapel I used to watch him tr trying ing to arrange his I knees when when when-ile he wanted to speak You I know how hov Important It Is that your knees shall be In to good voice when you iou want to address a meeting Time after tome he would get part way up with a afew few rema remarks ks balanced o on the end of this his tongue and then his knees es would balk and and arid by the time he had braced them up he had bad mislaid his remarks and the meeting had bad surged on I used to pity him though goodness goodness goodness good- good ness knows I wouldn't have gotten up at nt that time for the world I was worse than he but I was resigned to to it It I remember t too o t the night when Barnes suddenly found himself salting sailing along about one thousand miles above sea sealevel sealevel level riding his train of thought and feeding new thoughts thoughts- Into his mind as fast as he emptied It I can see now inow the look of at ecstasy on his face face face- the look of a man who has Just discovered discovered ered how to drive an airplane and ride the gale on on an even en keel From that tI time e on you couldn't t head Barnes off He became a society nuisance He debated debated debated de- de bated and ora orated ed and remarked at every meeting and It was a common common thing for some member member- to rise In the middle of at his eloquence and say Mr 11 1 Chairman I think It Is Is' about t time ilme to cap ap the gas well And now no little Barnes Barries Is In congress Its two years since he hung out his claw shingle Ill I'll bet he started cal kcal speaking before he got his sign painted and Ill I'll bet they couldn't stop either until he had said what he wanted to tp Id I'd like to have heard his campaign Id I'd like to have seen the Ule surprise of at some of the tough old politicians poli poll who rose rase up to smother him with scorn and got banged on the head with the unabridged dictionary And Ill I'll bet congress doesn't worry him either Hes He's had training Monty has and no measly speaker Is going to head him off when he has a face full of words That's what old did for Monty It did a lot for tor all of at us too There Is nothing In college that can touch the literary so society ety for teaching a man mun to get up and slain a h f few choice hand picked sentiments Into the other fellow at a minutes minute's warning g. Looking 1 tack back ack on those society nights I 1 ca cannot ot feel j-feel feel teel surprised at the large number of awkward awkward 1 war wl youngsters who afterward went out out and began bossing congressional sl nal districts before they could raise mustaches hes After a m man n has bas spent a few dew ew years year baling up and delivering hl his Ideas In the In-the the face of at parliamentary ob ob- whoops I y yells sarcasm and sometimes sometimes furniture a little thing thins like hypnotizing Ing a well policed ward caucus s Is only child's childs play for him They were e so fatally critical In our eu society Yo You u cou could talk to It as long as you inte Interested Interested Inter Inter- ested It and no longer And the mem meal members members bers were so pleasantly frank trank about your your little faults faults' of speaking You Y o u I didn't t have to guess at those faul faults faults oh oli no At t th the end of ot t the e meeting the Ule e critic got up and nd told th the society about abou t them He made He-made made his meaning perfectly y plain J We e always ways took care to ch choose choos ose e a critic who had a good command 0 of ef f language J 4 Literary society night was a great grey t feature at old old Friday and Sat Sat- urda nights S we frIvoled and on Sunda Sunday Sun Sun- da day nights we studied Monday Tuesday Tues Tues- s- s days day and Wednesdays we Oiled filled u up P In n various unholy ways but on Thursday y nights we went to literary society 0 On n Thursday TI night chums separated separate d parted and enemies lined tined u up upsIde p sIde by side for halt half of at us went t to 0 and half halt of ot us to Adelph i and between the two there was a gulf I as wide wIde as as the misunderstanding between between between be be- tween the national party factions Of course our constitutional object as a society was to conduct debates emit orations produce extempore speeches and perfect ourselves In the theart theart art of at ruling a meeting with a firm hand laud when In the chair and of upsetting upsetting upset upset- ting It In the Interests of at the minority when on the two floor floor two accomplishments accomplish accomplish- ments on which the n noble ble art of at self self- government was based until they began began be- be gan Oan to rl ring g In these new newfangled and un-American un primaries But But after all our deepest and most throbbing Interest Interest interest Inter Inter- est est was our rivalry with Adelphi It was hereditary The two societies had been organized within a year of each ot other and the first act of was to defy the pl prestige of the arrogant arro arro- rant gant ant In the late MOs the two VO wo societies fought taught on the streets after meetings During the war paraded Its twenty enlisted members and Jeered at Adelphi which could only produce fifteen In the produced Its Us first governor and for three years swept In all the Impressionable Impressionable Impressionable Im Im- youngsters on the strength of the glorious future which the society generously provided Its members Inthe In Inthe the he SOs the two societies built bunt fine halls balls a dead heat In cost and equIpment equipment equipment equip equIp- ment and started out on the long task of paying for them After that the rivalry spread out Into a a- a along long skirmish line with witha a hundred fighting points We owed more money than hau Adelphi did did but but we pulled off off grander lecture courses They had a piano pIano but but we had two magnificent plaster Blaster busts of Cicero and Demos Demos- thenes henes They had more Interstate oratorical oratorical oratorical ora ora- ora- ora winners than we but we-but but we had twice as many debate winners They had bad tinted and decorated walls In tn their me meeting ting hall but hall but we had a splendid set of leather upholstered chairs They were vere ritualistic we were were practical and plain They were careless In parliamentary parlia parUa- parliamentary practice we held firmly to formal rules and grew grew rich In fines They w would uld start a a. a deb debate te on the desirability desirability de de- de- de of Cuba and end It on the desirability de de- of whiskers On the other hand band they charged that at the end of at ofa ata ofa a minute forty-five-minute oration by one of at atour our leading men during my freshman year the speaker had to waken the chairman In order that the rest of at the society might be fined for sleeping On every point we viewed each other with scorn and defiance It added zest to our meetings and made hard work a pleasure It made us outdo ourselves each year In our annual open meetings to o which the outside world was Invited and and that reminds me that away back about nine o'clock I started to tell about one of these same open meetings which I shall now do or forever hold my peace The years year's rivalry always culminated In n th these se open meetings We held them themon on succeeding Thursday nights In the late ate spring First performed while we sat with the other guests and tried not to show our amusement at their boyish efforts The next week we unchained our est orators and most peppery debaters and I r must say that the Inthe in inthe the he audience always acted like a lot of so far for as appreciation of true wIsdom went Then we spent the next year aspersing each others other's last meetIng meeting meet- meet Ing ng and preparing for the next display No one realized better than I that while I was a lo loyal al member of I was not doing share to o maintain her glory I r attended regularly regularly regu- regu ally paid as much in fines as an anyone oue and could hold my own against any three In a tum rough ble talk about our merits on the campus But as a deb debater ter an orator a prize winner or any sort of a future great reat member I was a ghastly failure I had not contributed a peep to the fame fame of the society It worried me until until until un un- til I realized that there must be humble camp followers and sappers and and miners in every ar army y as well as as as' astall tall tail towering monuments of of at gold braid Then I cheered up and began to sap and mine to the very best of my my ability I harassed Adelphi fro from every quartel ter tel I did it unremittingly and arid relent relent- lessly If I could not make proud roud I could at Jea least t keep k p worried I harassed them b by getting Into the fife basement and turning out their lights I I. I IV c coaxed a u watermelon out of their ant anteroom room over o Into ours Together Together To To- gether with Tom rom Andrews 1 I persuaded two darkles darkies from tram the town to go Into their meeting and sing banjo selee sele floss The frivolous welcomed welcomed wel wel- corned them with great relief until the singers gave a final encore from the rear rear door with a line of t retreat I wrote that encore m myself self It was all ab about ut Adelphi ll and and andI I still think It was m my finest literary effort That spring It was evident even oven tous to tous sus us that unless something desperate was vas done Adelphi would make our open meeting g sound like Uke a pale timid hoot In a a churchyard was I prosperous She had the Int In In- in- in t orator She Sho had the best debaters de de- de- de baters gofers In school She had a n humorist who was In tremendous demand In college affairs She had bad a real author who l hind had nd received genuine money from froman an nn actual magazine m and she had a quartet which sang original songs Against this we had nothing out of at the tho ordinary to put up except a p poor or old poet who taught school for tor sever several 1 years before coming to college and whose verse made the college paper with difficulty We were greatly depressed depressed depressed de de- pressed over the outlook Somehow I 1 felt that tha t this was my chance to do a great deed for my society society so so- not by orating for It t It-t the It-the the Id Idea n ngae gave ga me cold shivers but shivers but by putting some kind of at a n crimp In the Adelphi program This was a most uncomfortable feeling to have hwe because 1 didn't have hn the slightest Idea how to carry It out No 10 crude methods like putting In the hall hail or cutting cutting cutting cut cut- ting off ofT the heat would do That would be like winning a race by hiring someone someone someone some some- one to hold ones one's rival I had to make Adelphi smear up Its own meeting It was an awful ambition I 1 was always al always airways air al- ways cursed by plans five sizes too large for tor- me They kept me feverish 1 and out of at condition half halt the time I 1 tried to tell this plan pion to go lie down and let me alone It was keeping me ale awake nights But It wouldn't nt It hung around and sat on the fife edge of my bed and md got me hollow-eyed hollow and so nervous that I 1 got to wandering around the town nights to get away from m myself self That was how I happened to stumble c cInto Into an entertainment in to a little church churchIn i In n the South end It was being given by a church church r Ut h-Ut if ellry society everyone everyone had literary societies In Jonesville-and Jonesville and as soon asI as asI asI I heard t the fife le extempore speaker I began to get het all ln prickly and perspiring This was the first symptom of a great Idea with with me The extempore speaker was t 1 1 11 t f vw a aI I Vl V i NOT OVER HALF THE VISITORS WERE LEFT THE MOMENT OF TRIUMPH HAD ARRIVED a very young man with wavy hall hair and a flow of words that made Niagara sound In comparison He was wasa a natural orator Anyone within three blocks could tell that They told me meas meas meas as he thundered that he could speak on any subject and that his word pIctures pictures pictures pic pIc- tures were marvelous They told me also that they always put him himon on at atthe atthe atthe the end of the program In order that the audience might leave them when It got enough for the young man had no terminal facilities whatever Beyond this one fault he was a fine speaker they declared and I admitted it as I listened to him He rode metaphors and similes as as the eagle rides a gale gule He plunged Into the past and drew out hundreds of years of history history history his his- tory at a grab He rose to denunciation and sank gracefully Into poetry He was unconquerable and unquenchable unquenchable unquenchable un un- un- un quenchable also alse his grammar was most Interesting I stayed until most of the society had gone and when I left I was happy The young man was still speaking and each hoarse hoarse- whoop which followed me down the Ule street made m my Idea seem more daz duz- The freshman speech was one of at the features of at our open meetings It gave guve each society a n chance to parade Its most promising freshman treshman orator Usually It was declaimed with a great fury and as much eloquence as the youngster could muster We all laughed at these speeches you speeches you couldn't help laughing at the wildly revolving arms firms w we took a deep Interest In them for for these boys were future college orators and debaters and whenever a society had an Infant It gave him full fuU swing at Its open meeting This year there were no on either cither side I was resigned to this fact as far tar as was concerned but I was desperately anxious to round roundo o out t Adelphis Adelphi's program If only AdelphI Adelphi Adel Adel- Adel phI could have this young man to begIn begin begin be be- gin Its open meeting I 1 didn't seem to care who closed It They might even Import their senator alumnus If they chose It would |