Show 1 pt ptY Y V jy I c fAA t MELISSA WOULD NOT JOIN THE i ARMY I He seems seema to be a very nice sort of ofa ofa ofa a man remarked Mrs 1 maternal maiden aunt Jane and as the Tife ifo of an army officer you would have a certain social position you Know Im I'm not sure that I dislike the Idea Melissa I 1 suppose Its It's worth considering said ald Mrs reflectively He looks very well in his uniform too especially the full dress one At the same time sweetheart I might get a colonel on the governors governor's staff statI if it I gave my mind to it and have something something something some some- thing that was sure enough prismatic with ostrich feathers thrown In and none of the disadvantages of or the milItary military mil mil- military career And a governors governor's colonel colonel col col- ol- ol onel or a Uniform Rank Potentate of or Pocatello can be a bank president or ora ora a n. successful soap manufacturer In private private private vate life lite which also gives a certain social position and allows one to keep a a. hired girl and some shreds of reputation rep rep- I 1 dont don't think I quite quito understand that last allusion my dear said Aunt Jane because you had that attack of neuralgia and couldn't go to the Post with me explained Mrs Merri Merri- wid You see dearie we of tho the army ar are one big family and we know one another and our little ittle fallings failings only too well When one of us army women meets meets' another army woman the two of us us us- discuss the carryings- carryings on of the rest of us with family freedom free free- dom That's one of at the disadvantages disadvantages of at army anny life lite Of course the army men know each other well too but being men they are naturally charitable and even generous to each other If It one is promoted the e others are lre all tickled to pieces about it and admit that he richly d deserved served It If It you speak of any officer who is supposed supposed supposed sup sup- posed to have distinguished himself in any way the chorus of admiration that hat arises from his brother officers would warm the tl cockles of your heart especIally especially if it the distinguished one happens to be a a. a volunteer who never saw the inside of West Point Yes turn to the nearest pile pUe of or bricks They've got to be he throwIng throwIng throwing throw- throw Ing something And then you may only get a part of your husband hero-husband back If It I truly loved Captain Man- Man licker it would be a great shock tome tome to tome me to find only about three thirty-three and third a per cent of him left after the cruel war was over I dont don't say I wouldn't be proud of his remnants but I should always feel there was something wanting even 1 if it were merely a leg Another thing a prudent person will duly ponder before marrying into the army is the danger oj our at-our our Is Island Island island Is- Is land possessions contin continued ed Mrs Mer Mer- thoughtfully Theres always a chance a-chance that her hero may be sent to the tho Philippines and d come back with a deranged liver I dont don't care how bronzed and bearded and interesting he may look or how many honorable soars scars and medals of honor hes he's got if his liver doesn't work the way it ought a cloud of or bilious gloom will descend upon the home and be lifted nevermore Still that's only only- a risk The real obstacles to my union with the gallant captain are unavoidable What are they Inquired Aunt Jane In the first place Id I'd have to accustom accustom ac no- custom myself to riding in an ambulance ambulance lance replied Mrs 1 But Dut that wouldn't be so bad had as having to put up with a de chambre with a red mustache who chewed tobacco tobacco to to- bacco basso and drank whisky and was originally orIginally originally or or- engaged for for plain manly butchery That would certainly Jaime jar Jai jarme me concluded Mrs Copyright 1913 by W W. G. G Chapman I Ir r S err p 1 ii e eHe He Looks Very Well Wei In His Uniform Too some of at us may be at Fort Sill sm and at Fort Sheridan and some at Washington and some at 1 but we are all one big family Of course human nature is human nature lature anywhere said Aunt Jane But I think its it's a no little more so In the army opined Mrs sort of concentrated and narrowed down Of Ot course its it's a gay life lite with Its bugles and its colors colot's flying and Its marching and countermarching Its It's perfectly lovely to see a thousand legs legs' with but a single movement forming forming forming for for- ming into hollow squares and columns and things when their gallant leader says Bays Hunh Hunk and I Iwonder Iwonder Iwonder wonder if it Captain would do any hunhing and har around the house Its unlikely I should say observed ob oh- I served Aunt Jane Id show him some entirely new evolutions if It he did declared Mrs I would begin with something something something some some- thing In tho the nature of at a frontal attack with a a. flank movement supported by dynamite but some of at the very pig pig- breasted turkey cockiest hal bar in the tho army take oft off their boots and spurs in the halls and crawl upstairs in their stocking feet when they arrive home after hours Im I'm told so at least Its It's one thing to oppose oppose oppose op op- op- op pose martial tramping squadrons and embattled hosts and another to faco a II justly Indignant woman gat t at two o'clock in the morning with a a. breath Df Dt something g more mora than suspicion n After all they are our nations nation's defenders de do- tenders fenders urged Aunt Jane True dearie assented Mrs Merrl- Merrl wid Theres Theros the glory part of at It to consider It would certainly be grand to have a n. hero husband idolized by his grateful countrymen The only drawback to that sort of at thing is that as soon as the grateful countrymen country country- non men run out of bouquets th they y In In- |