Show I EXCUSE ME Novelized from the Comedy of the Same Name By ILLUSTRATED Rupert From Photo Photographs of or the Ploy Play os es Produced Hu Hughes By Henry W W. Savage Copyright ht tort 1811 by n 11 U. K tr fly FIr Go Ca 0 3 SYNOPSIS 1 Harry Mallory is ordered to the He and MarjorIe Newton deride to elope but wreck of or taxicab pro pro- vents their seeing minister on tho the way to the train Transcontinental train Is taking taking tak tak- ing on on passengers Porter Portel has a lively time with an englishman and Ira Lathrop Lathrop Lath- Lath t- t trop rop a Yankee business man The elopers have an nn exciting time getting to the thet I train tr hL t CHAPTER III IV Continued Her nether Up lip trembled and her ber eyes were filmed but they were brave rand and her voice was so tender that It wooed his mind from his watch He gazed at her and found her so dear so devoted and so pitifully exquisite that he ho was almost overcome b by an an Impulse to gather her Into his arms there and then Indifferent to the Immediate immediate Im im- mediate passengers or to his off far military superiors An hour ago they were were young lovers In all the lilt Hit and thrill of elopement She had clung to him in ill the gloaming of their taxicab as it sped like a genie ar whim to to the tt-c place wh where re the minister would woud unite their hands and raise his T own own In blessing Thence the new husband would have carried the new wife away his very own soul foUl and ana body duty and beauty Th Then n ah then then h In their minds the future was an honeymoon the Journey across the continent a stroll stroH along a lovers lover's lane the ocean a garden garden garden gar gar- den lake and the Philippines a chain 3 of Fortunate Isles decreed especially for for their Eden And And then the taxicab taxicab taxi- taxi eab cab encountered a lamppost They thought they had merely wrecked a motor car car and and lo 10 they had wrecked a Paradise The railroad ceased to be a lovers lover's lane Irne and became becam a lingering torment the ocean was a weltering Sahara and the Philippines a Dry Tortugas of exile Mallory Maory realized for the first time what what heavy burdens he had taken on with hI his bis shoulder straps what a dis dis- dismal mal oral life of restrictions and hardships an officers officer's lire life Is bound to be Perhaps young Mr Montague and ana young Miss Mss Capulet Instead of wall wail wail r l lag g No that Is not th the lark whose notes do beat the vaulty heaven so heads would above our would have done no better than Mr Mallory and Miss Mss Newton In any any case the best these two could squeeze out was Its Just too bad honey But Bit I guess it cant can't be helped dear Its Ils a mean old world orld Isn't It Awful And then they must pU pile out l Into to Y the street again agal l so lost in woe that they did not know how bow they were trampled or elbowed Marjories Marjorie's despair despair de d de- de was vas so EO complete that It paralyzed Instinct She forgot A thoughtful pas passenger enger ran tan out and ana tossed loafed ed the basket Into Mallory's MaJory's arms even as the car moved off olt Fortune relented relented a moment and they found a taxicab waiting where they hey had expected to find It Once more they were cosy in the flying I twilight but their grief was their OUI only baggage and tho the clasp of their hands talked tall all the talk there was Anxiety within anxiety tormented and they fe feared red another wreck 4 tint But as they swooped down upon the station a raced kind tower clock beamed beame the reassurance that they had three minutes to spare The taxicab drew up and halted baited J but they did diet not get out They were kissing good byes fervidly and numerous numerously numerously nu nu- I while a grinning station station- loner Portor winked at the winking chaut- chaut chauffeur Marjorie simply could not ot have bave done with farewells Ill HI go to the gate with you she said He lie told the ch chauffeur to wait walt and ana take the young lady homo home The lieutenant lieutenant lieu lIeu- J tenant Jook looked d so honest and the girl to EO o sad that the chauffeur simply touched his bis cap though it was not hl hi his custom to allow strange fares to vanish Into crowded stations leaving behind than nothing more lOre negotiable Instructions to wait 4 CHAPTER IV A Mouse and a Mountain All Ml the while the foiled elopers were ere eloping the San Francisco co sleeper was was filling tHUng i AJ j. j i. i It had bad been the receptacle of af aborted lots of or humanity hu inanity manity tumbling Into It from from om all dl dl- with all torts of souls bodies and nd destinations The porter received each hat shat bat C lert eye oe of his His car wa was wab his laboratory A railroad Journey j is ls s a ae e Fort Ort rt of it tube test of character strange meet under strange Nona done and combinations ns make strange the roller porter could never foresee the J nor their acHon ac ac- of or any trip Hon and reactions He e had ad no f. f afner ner established Mr Wedgewood of London and andone Mr Ira Lathrop of Chicago In comparative repose than his car was Invaded by a woman who flung herself Into the first seat She was flushed with run run- ping and breathing hard but she managed manag d one gasn of relief time limo Thank goodness g I made do It in inThe i The mere sound Bound of a womans woman's Voice voice In n t he the e seat back of him was enough to disperse Ira Lathrop With not so BO much as a glance glanco backward to see what hat manner of woman It might be he be Jammed his contract Into his pocket pock pock- et seized his newspapers and retreated retreat retreat- ed to tho the farthest end of the car bouncing down into berth number one like ke a sullen Suen snapping turtle Miss Anne Gattle's Cattle's modest and homely valise vaUse had been brought aboard by a leisurely station usher who set It down and waited with with witha a speaking palm outstretched She had her tickets In her hand but transferred trans trans- them to her teeth while she i I searched for money In a handbag old- old fashioned enough to bo be called a ret reU- reticule cute cule The usher closed his hla fist on the pittance pittance pit pit- pit pit- tance she dropped Into It and departed depart depart- ed without comment comment The porter advanced advanced ad ad- on her with a demand for Tickets please pease She began to ransack her reticule ule with flurried haste out of It a small purse opening that that closing clo closing It putting it back taking It out searchIng search se searching search search- lIch lIch- Ing the tho reticule through turning out outa a a handkerchief a few hairpins a few trunk keys a baggage check a abot bottle bottle bot bot- tle of salts a card or two and numerous numerous numerous nu nu- other maidenly articles restoring restorIng restoring re re- re- re storing them to place looking In the purse again restoring that c closing the reticule setting it down shaking out a book she carried opening her herold herold herold old valise going through certain white things blushingly closing it again shaking her skirts and shaking her head In bewilderment She was al about out to open the reticule again when the tho porter exclaimed I see it Dont Don't look no mo I 1 Isee Isee see It When she cast up he het eyes In despair despair de de- de- de her had been elevated enough to disclose the whereabouts of the tickets With a murmured apology he removed them from her teeth and held them under the light After Arter a t time me he said As neah as I l. l can make male out from the the the-the the undigested potion of this ticket t yo ye numba Is six It six It-six six That right up this way Let me sit here bere till I 1 get my bre breath th she pleaded I ran ran so BO hard bard to catch the train Well WeH you caught It t good and strong trong Im Iiii so glad soon How do we start tart start In about half a Really Reany Well Wen better half an hour hourt t I e pt 1 I a Y Yr f r fA yZ r t t r rr r s. s Mrs Jimmie Wellington too soon than Halt Half a minute too late it t with rith such a copybook book She one said Bam tHUU i H set b her down primness ss that the porter as a school school It was not a bad With Witha guess She was a missionary a pupil like shyness ne tie volunteered Yo Ye berth bert Is all aU ready whenever He caught wishes to go to bald baid her you swift blush and amended it toto to toto toto to- to to rellah all the car car said before before Retire with prim timidity Miss Anne Cattle Gattle NO No thank thank you I 1 Intend to sit It up else has retired everybody till tin The oTter porter retired Miss Cattle Gattle useful of moro more or less out a bit took stitching and set to work like fancy ancy Her needle had not Dorcas another times before before be- be dived In hi and emerged man many holding it up as a weapon she he was fore a sudden Budden human human human hu hu- hu- hu against of defense on oft mountain that threatened to man crush her ber round face huge and red vague A dawned before her moon rising as eyes a i and from rom it camo came an uncertain V voice tenth Intended in in- me mad m no tended breath that car cars carsTee words and n d J the e w The Tee thorn the startled startled spinster i them m man gave r led i 6 Instant proof Poof that her a vis a vis did an aD principles her ner prohibition sharp share not She regarded the el elephant elebe ele- ele ices or practices terror and the with mouse like regarded the mouse with elephant fright then he rem veO elephantine her ber landscape as quick quickly from himself lurched the could coull and along be ly I as as' U. U out merrily to c porter por por- aisle calling o ter ler Ch Chauffeur chauffeur dont don't go so BO I round these corners cor corners ers He collided with n I a a- small train boy singing his nasal lay but it was was the I behemoth and not the train boy that collapsed Into a teat seat sprawling alf helplessly as n a mammoth oyster on q a table cloth The porter rushed to his aid and anci hoisted him to his feet with an uncas uneasy uneasy un un- un- un cas easy sense of impending trouble Ho He felt as If tr someone had left lert a mon monstrous monstrous on baby on n his doorstep doors tel but all he said was Tickets please pease There ensued a n long search fat flabby hands flopping and fu fumbling bUn from pocket to pocket Once more moret t the e porter was the tho discoverer rerI I see It ft Dont Don't look no mo Here Hereit it Is up Is-up up In yo ye hatband He lifted It out and chuckled Had It right next his brains and couldn't rem em- em ba bat bal He took up the appropriately huge luggage of of at the bibulous wanderer wanderer wan- wan derer and led him to the other end of the aisle Numba two Is yours sah Right all heah-all h heah all ah-all all nice and cosy and already made up The big man looked through the tho curtains into the cabined confinement and groaned That Haven't avent you got got gota a mans man's size berth Sorry sah sail That's as big a bunk bunkas as they Is Is on the train Have I l' l got to be locked uV up In that pigeon-hole pigeon for for for-for for how ho how IQ many y d days ys ysIs is It to Reno Renor Reno The rhe porter greeted that meaningful name with a n smile Were We're doo doe In Reno the the the ol of the foth day sah He put the baggage down and started away but the fat man seized his hand with great emotion Dont leave ma all alone In there porter for Im I'm a hearted broken-hearted man Is that so Too Dad nad sah Were you ever a hearted broken-hearted man porter Always sah Did you ever put your trust in a n hearted false-hearted woman 7 Often sah Was Vas she ever true to you porter porter por por- A ter Never sah sail Porter we are re partners in mis- mis sis ery And he wrung the rough black hand band with with a solemnity that embarrassed embarrassed- the p porter almost as much as it would have embarrassed the passenger hImself himself himself him hIm- self If It he could have understood what he was doing The porter disengaged himself with a a patient but hasty Im afraid you'll have to me I got to hep the other passengers on bode Dont let me keep you from your duty Duty Is the thE the-the- the But he could not remember what duty was and he would have dropped off olt to sleep If It he had not been startled by bya a familiar voice which the porter had luckily escaped Cant Can't you raise this light or light or rather cant can't you lower It This light is so infernally infernally in in- dim I 1 cant can't read To the Englishman's intense amaze ment went his call caU brought to him film not the porter b but t a rising moon with the profound query a a Ul II thing like dim light when the light t of your life has bas gone out I beg your pardon Without further invitation the mammoth descended on the Englishman's Englishman's English English- mans man's territory Im a broken hearted man Mr Mr-l Mr Mr I didn't get your name nameh Er Er ah I Er ah I 1 dare say say Thanks hanks I will sit sll down He lifted lifted lifted lift lift- ed a great carry carryall and airily tossed It into the aisle alse set the Gladstone on the lap of the the- infuriated Englishman English English- man and squeezed into the seat opposite opposite op op- making malting a sad up mix-up of knees My names name's Wellington Ever hear of lil UI Jimmie e Wellington That's me Any relation elation to the Duke Nash He no longer Interested Mr Wedge- Wedge wood But Mr Wellington was not aware that he was being snubbed He went right on getting acquainted Are you married Mr 7 l Mr 7 Not No My heartfelt Hang t on to your luck my boy Dont Don't let et any female take It away from Irom you He slapped the Englishman on the elbow amiably and his prisoner was too stilled with wrath to emit more moro than one feeble Mr Wellington mused on aloud Oh If I f had only remained single was so beautiful and she But she she- swore swore to love honor bonor and obey Mrs Wellington Is a queen among women mind you and I have nothing to say against her except that she has the temper of a tarantula Ho He italicized the word with a light fillip of his his' left lefthand lefthand lefthand hand along the back of the scat seat He did no not notice that he filliped the angry head of Mr Ira Ta Lathrop In the next seat Ho went on with his portrait portrait portrait por por- has bas the trait trait of his bis wife She of a sultana sultana another another fillip for Cor Mr l Lathrop the Lathrop the the flirtatiousness of a of a cobra humming bird Mr Lathrop was glaring garIng glar- glar Ing ine round like a man eating tiger but put Wellington ton talked on She drinks swears and smokes cigars otherwise she's a fine a qu queen en among women women Neither this amazing t vision of womankind worn worn- Ind nor this beautiful example of at longing for tor confession and sympathy awakened 3 a response Then as Mr Wellington shook with joy toy at the prospect of ot Dear old Reno be lie began unconsciously to draw Ira Lathrop's head after his Is hair across across- the seat The Tho pain of it shot the tears ars into Lathrop's eyes and as ashe ashe I he writhed and twisted he was t too full tuU of ot profanity to get any anyone one word ou out I t i TO BE lE CONTINUED |