Show what what I 0 thinks S about Campaigns Campaign's Home Stretch T EVERLY HILLS CALIF O Here the campaign is practically on its last legs when it isn't standing on its head and spinning around but yet not a peep out of the three haired fairest young hopes of the New Deal They're still putting on an act act act- what's known in vaudeville as a dumb act entitled act entitled The Bollo BolIo Boys in a Sub Horrid tales abound rumored that the gurgling sound coming from the White WhiteHouse WhiteHouse House dungeon is caused b by Tugwell trying to get the gag out of his mouth mouth with both hands tied r behind his back And a note believed to have been written by Harry Hopkins has been slipped through the bars begging somebody to smuggle in a file Irvin IrvinS s. s Cobb Cobbin in m a loaf of bread once the merriest of the administrations administration's songsters doesn't chirp any more having been induced induced in in- to take on the role of the man manIn manIn In the iron mask Remote Control Patriotism DID ID you ever notice that these impassioned European statesmen statesmen statesmen states states- men who so boldly defy tyrants inthe inthe in inthe the homeland generally put two or three national boundaries between themselves and the objects of their hate bore cutting loose One fiery fascist antifascist wa waited ted until he got to Hoboken to tell ten Mussolini right to V his face the face the face being only miles distant exactly what he thought of him Not that Id I'd blame any patriot for tor playing safety safety first dictators b being so sensitive to criticism In fact I like the Idea so much Im I'm thinking thinking thinking think think- ing of taking a correspondence course in taming lion-taming myself Debunking Politics C CAN AN nothing be done to stop the destructive utterances of this man Al Smith Think of him as ashe he did in that Philadelphia speech of his urging the voters to to sift slit the b bunk out of the campaign and study the facts Does he want to deflate the whole system of American politics politics politics poli poli- tics Would you hire a cook who squeezed all the meat out of the sausage and fried the sausage skin for tor breakfast Even so maybe a little debunking debunking debunking debunk debunk- ing would be gratifying to quite a alot alot alot lot of af us who wish to start concentrating concentrating concen concen- on football as soon as ble Im I'm especially interested in how Yale comes out on its clever little idea of selling to a commercial commercial commercial commer commer- cial broadcast the radio rights for all games played on the home grounds But the fellow who gets the empty-bottles empty concession is the theone theone theone one who'll really clean up Lead Dollars Immortality H HOW some old friends do hang ont oni Twenty-five Twenty years ago or thereabouts thereabouts thereabouts there there- it appeared as a short story in Everybody's magazine under the title The Lead Dollar Twenty years ago believing I Iwas Iwas was using an actual occurrence which never before had been fie fic I 1 wrote it too and called it Heart of Lead and barely in time was saved by Bob Davis and Charlie Van Loan from rom the unintentional unintentional unintentional but nonetheless serl serious us literary literary literary lit lit- crime of plagiarism Fifteen years ago Octavus Roy Cohen and I just did head off a ayoung ayoung ayoung young girl writer who already bad had sold the same tale to a pleased edi edi- tor I 1 forget target now what she called her version Today practically complete in all its sequences sequences poker poker game bogus money practical jokes good Samaritan Sa Sa- maritan homeless girl skeptical hotel clerk pitiable suicide and all aU allI I I find this dear old familiar standby standby stand stand- by in the current issue of a popular monthly with yet another author sponsoring it Jack Garners Garner's Activities MONTH I A after alter month Uncle Jack Jacl I G Garner never said anything but Ouch and then not for pub pub- It seemed that if it defeated defeat I ed he would go back from the comparative com com- obscurity of Washington to the blazing prominence of Uvalda Uvalde county Texas as the most finished specimen of sound proof nominees American politics ever produced But hes he's no longer a n perfect example exam exam- example pIe to all innocent bys bystanders bystanders hes anders he's hes just a candidate Having read his first speech Im I'm reminded of the English gentlewoman an who fell tell on hard times time's but did have a few h hens ns left and was driven by necessity to peddle their product in the open street So she picked out a back alley nUey for her debut into vulgar trade and as she crept stealthily along whispered whispered whis In a stricken undertone Fresh eggs I i hope no one sees me Fresh eggs tup- tup pence I hope no one hears me IRVIN S. S COBB conn Nt S Service |