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Show I W LETTER OF A .JAPANESE J SCHOOLBOY. The Hon. Merry Christmas. H I San Francisco, Dec. 12, 1907. H Your Highness Collier Weekly which H know everything, or know where H to look for it. H Dear Gentlemen: H I give you the Hon. Merry Christ-H Christ-H mas and hope you will finish it. Tell V me to know, Mr. Sir., what is so Imps Im-ps portant about this festival that Amcri-H Amcri-H cans make such holly-day blow-up of H it? "Christmas arrive but once annual annu-al ally," many persons explain, making V handshake. Is this peculiar to Christ-W Christ-W mas? Do not all dates arrive annu-H annu-H ally also? Then why such happen on H December 25, as do? I ask to cn-H cn-H quire. H I answer it, thank you. The Hon. H Christmas is a great give-away festi-H festi-H val for all persons of white extrac-H extrac-H tion. Negroes is permitted in this H Christmas custom, because negroes H is always present when something H is being given away. But Japanese H can not be Christmas persons, thank H you. Why so is it? Because Japan- esc is all heathens, which is not clips cli-ps giblc to Cliristmas present. If Jap- ancsc would obtain valuable presents H on this date they must become Chris-H Chris-H tians. This is too much trouble to H ' do. Is it not more better for Japan-pa Japan-pa esc Boy to become Christian for H Christmas-time and heathen for all H other purposes? Thank you, I will H All Japanese living as neighbors to H mc enjoy belief in Buddha with ex-pa ex-pa ccption.to Arthur Kickahajama who is Methodist and I. Furo who believe in Hon. Roosevelt. Hon. Rev. J. W. Chillworthy, American missionary, desire to do something to us heathen, VL so he look everywhere and find what j is necessary. He prepare large Xmas j tree at Asiatic M. E. Church and go j around to all , Japanese Boys with j tempting speeches. To me he ap-pV ap-pV proach to say, V "Hon. Togo, do you wish to ex- V ' pect valuable Christmas present to V equal price of 25c?" V' "Would, this be cash gifts or mcr- W chandisc?" I report. H "Merchandise of considerable mer- H it, because Christmas presents must H be this," command this Chillworthy ' clergyman. H 1 "I would accept such dry-goods." H ' I commit. H "Very well. Then give mc 25c H money to collect, please." H "No thank you, Mr. Clergyman, not to do; If Japanese Boy give 25c V ' to collect, what graft would this ' Christmas present be of value 25c?" VA, This question from mc. Wj " "Togo, you arc heathen, therefore Wy blind. At Christmas you will receive W 1 get-back of 25c to pay for put-up of W 25c which you now do. You will be H generous to give me this price, I will ppV he generous to give it back. This will W be Christmas Spirit and keep money Vf' in circulation." H So I deliver this quarter of dollar H to Hon. Chillworthy as price. As re-pa re-pa J ward he invite me to Cliristmas tree H J . for persons of yellow extraction at I I church where I will please be, thank you. All Japanese of S. F. has become be-come Christians for this date because free ice cream will be served. Last Christmas date Japanese Schoolboy was very recently arrived to America. Therefore I did not know about Christmas. My cousin Nogi reply that this was annual good will Peace Conference ceremony. Persons having bricks, bottles, shoot-guns, shoot-guns, stick-knives .and all other political poli-tical convictions must conceal these under mattress, thank you. Enemies must meet under kissletoc-vine for sweet-heart conversation. Therefore I remove all firearms, bricks, etc. from my clothing and go out to sidewalk side-walk where I watch how Christians enjoy this great festival. I notice there large flocks of Christians Chris-tians bringing earth-peace feeling together to-gether by drinking considerable whisky. whis-ky. City is filled of sailers, plumbers, hack-drivers and other patriots making mak-ing side-step to each saloon where more earth-peace is poured in. Fin-ally Fin-ally good-will become very energetic and front of saloon is carried away by excitement. Peace-on-carth continue con-tinue to make more noisy riot by each minute until pretty soon police-gentlemen police-gentlemen whistle for jailcart and all these Christians, broken in several places but making splendid noise with songs, is carried away to city lock-in. lock-in. Of course these is very wild Christians Chris-tians what make such behavior. It is more comfortable to be tamer Christian Chris-tian and take Hon. Christmas home to wife & baby. Such persons get small timber-tree from mountain and plant it in parlor of home. (Some Christians have not got parlors, so they need not feel responsible for Xmas trees.) Branches of this tree is used to hang things on glass, tinware, tin-ware, clothing, groceries, candles or anything else that is very cheap & convenient. Then alarm-clock is set to get-up family by lamp-light. When joy-bell go off all retire to parlor to watch Family Father set fire to Xmas tree by light of candle. All Christians enjoy Christmas with exception of fire engine man who is too busy throwing water on the insurance. in-surance. It is very hard duty to explain to Japanese Infants about Santy Clans, that famous American saint which so closely fcscmblc Marquis Ito in the foliage of his whiskers. These children child-ren 1 ijoy great mental struggles because be-cause of their heathen parentage. Little Annie Anazuma, 8-year-age daughter of I. Anazuma, Japanese barber, come to me to enquire like this: "Uncle Togo," she resume, "to what extent is this falsehood about that Hon. Santy Claus?" "Little Annie," I suggest, "I speak you honest truth, because you are one childish Japanese. I do not believe be-lieve this Santy Claus is such person. per-son. Why? Because I suspect. Presents Pre-sents here, toys there, books, albums, jumping-up-jacks, photo supplies sweet confectionary all these scattered scat-tered with such immediate delivery all at qucc and together I suspect it can not be swallowed. Where would this Santy Claus person obtain so much moneys for give presents to all Christian children, including small negroes? .Do Congress appropriate this price? Do Hon. Carnegie donate do-nate it? Is Hon. Santy Claus working work-ing for U. S. Government or some private corporations? I reply. If he was working for U. S. Government he would' not get around so swift. If he was working for some Trust he would not give nothing to nobody. Therefore he is not. "Japanese child, you are not insane to think. Florget this tCjTl-tale of American mythology. It is too foolish fool-ish to imagine this Mr. Claus dropping drop-ping chocolate-creams down each chimney-pipe by such wholesale." "No, Uncle Togo," report this little lit-tle Annie. "It is well known fact that Christians never give away presents pres-ents in that sneak-dog manner." I shall buy chew-gum for this little Annie Anazuma to eat for Hon. Christmas. I am considerably sorrow for civi-lizcdation civi-lizcdation when I make thoughts about this Santy Claus affair. Does not American missionary say to Japanese Jap-anese Boy, "Thou shan't not lie?" Why then is this lying-instruction given to American children? Hon. Geo. Washington was disgusted to tell a liar. Hon. Roosevelt enjoys faintness after speaking to such persons. per-sons. He has frequently spoken to Congress about this habit which they enjoy. Why, then, does American gentleman donate presents to baby and lay all blame for the affair to Santy Claus. Is it not cowardly to get out of it in this way? When American gentleman give Christmas present to wife he does not blame it to Santy Claus, because those lady is too smart to believe such talk. Therefore lie must confess con-fess that he done it himself. In getting civilized all over herself must Japan get this Hon. Christmas also? I do not require this, because many Christmas customs is not best good for all human races. Therefore Japan can get along much quicker without Hon. Christmas, which comes only once annually, but stays long time. To what use is it, I will please inquire, in-quire, to give Japan Baby jump-up-jack, toy shoot-gun, little sqijcak-dog? Would it not be more Improving to his tiny brain-thoughts to present him with History-books, electrical apparatus, etc.? Is Mother Geese sing-song book of more knowledge to kindergarten intelligence as some happy treatise for Japanese children like "How to Build a Navy in 15 Lessons?" I e'nquir.e. Also this. Amencan young persons employ their Christmas holiday for make careless amusements like turkey-cat, mcrrying and flirting. Would it not be more healthy for their souls if following program .was served for Christmas? 8 a. m. Get up for Sunday clothes. 8:30 a m.r-Light breakfast of rice & water. g:oo, a. m. .practjec. nricv-nEhting, I football & other simple gymnastics. I 9:30 a. m. attend lecture on Art, I Music & Shorthand. I 10:30 a. m. read together from I works of John Grccnleaf Whittier and I relate humoristick anecdotes of Hon. I Mlark Twain. ' Noon lVegetarian refreshments & j light nap till 2 p. m. Mass meeting of all nationalities na-tionalities to discuss Universal Peace. S p. 'm. Tea ceremony at residence of some rich person. 7 p. m. Dinner of fish, pickled tur 1 nips & other holiday foods. I 8:30 p. m. Attend performances of Ben Hur. i 1 10:30 p. m. Retire after sending a out Merry Christmas cards to all friends. I This kind of Christmas enjoyment would make all Christians more heal- i thy. For Christmas present they J would give valuable advice and re- t ceive choice instruction as come back. j Foreign Americans which now make I peace-on-earth by whisky-drinking j would not do so. By eating Japanese l food all would escape digestion which r now makes so many angry groans in ll bed. Infants & babies would not be I faked by Santy Claus. Fire-engine I man would hitch horse and attend lee- ' tures, because there would not be no Christmas trees o burn down the insurance. in-surance. Professors would have fine time talking and all would be obliged to listen. This would be very cheap and natural for each human race. Whenever I am talked to of giving to merry Christmas people I tell following fol-lowing Japanese mythology : In Kyoto, about 12007 B. C, there reside a notorious Pact name ol Washu" who remain there tranquilly enjoying blessings of great poverty, thank you. Governing this city there was a gentleman name of Hon. Ma-mayuki Ma-mayuki who was celebrated for stin-u stin-u gyness and other virtues. On New Year day, time of Japanese Christmas-present, poet Washu sent to Hon. Mamayuki following rythm. "Dear sir, heaven knows you are serene se-rene like the stars Therefore do you icmcmber Poets i now and thene? Washu, the Poet, have sang songs ' for your benefit several administra- ti ns, He have handed out tributes to your handsome of .face, good clother, t ' Not forgetting praise of babies-be- i longing to your several Hon. wives; Also WVishu has been regardl ss about speaking of you- generosity. "Therefore, Commander of Heaven and Earth Is it not. About time That you make trifling Christmas-reward Christmas-reward to the celebrated sing-song-cr Washu? I bow down, strike forehead and request re-quest reply by return mail." Hon. Mamayuki, soon as he receive this poetical rhythm, go to barnyard of Palace and there choose one camel-horse camel-horse celebrated for hungry appetite. This brute beast Hon. Mamayuki capture and send to Hon. Washu with following words: "Little Gift to reward great Poet. Merry Christmasl" Hon. Washu sec this camel-horse and weep thoughtfully. Poets is not given credit for groceries in Japan so how to feed this menagerie which was no use to Mr. Wash's profession? I Yet it would not be safe for his neck to sell or give away present sent by Gov. of Kyoto. Even while weeping this poetical Japanese embrace that camel-pet with one glad thought: Comcl-horses is different from pla.in beasts, because they only needs to cat and drink one time each month 1 "This is great economy for Japan-' Japan-' ese Poet," make Washu in brain-thoughts. brain-thoughts. But when first day of next month come by that brutal animal begin complaining for lunch. Washu enjoy painful thought but he is brave Sa-U Sa-U ' '' murai. So he lead his camel-pet to .kitchen where greatest poverty en-Sues. en-Sues. "All which I have here you are welcome to and much obliged," he say to camel-pet. So he gring out 6 pounds rice, 72 pancakes, 14 packages pack-ages tea, 2 bales straw, 9 yards matting mat-ting from floor all these groceries which camel-hoursc devour makhg lipsmack and other sounds of great thirst. Now at that time there was big drought in Kyoto and water was very expensive, thank you. But this poetical Washu buy three barrel of ' water for that camel-horse at price 2 yen per quart. But camel-pet continue con-tinue making rusty sounds of voice to request more, please. At last When nthis hon. brute begin ' to eat paper from walls Washu feed him shoes & straw hat and commit 1 hari-kari after delivering following invitation in-vitation to Mamayuki, Gov. of Kyoto: "Dear sir, when next you present Camel to one poor Japanese Please provide pension with which to pay board for this Zoo; For it is just to donate Palace to gentleman who cannot afford to pay for lawn-sprinkler? Is it generous to endow poverty-persons with automobiles when they have not got nothing to buy gasu lene with? Flour, potatoes, beefsteak, Is enthusiastic Christmas-present for all literary Poets, But since Camel came I have felt White Elephant on fingers. fing-ers. "Therefore Washu the Poet Goes dead. If you look for his address, Enquire of Ancestors, For it is very cheap to live when you are dead." Thank you, Mr. Edi'or, I am going to be Christian on Dec. 25, so as to get back them 25c which Hon. Rev. Chillworthy has took. But I am going go-ing to cat like the heathen, think like the heathen, act. like the heathen, so that everything about me shall remain in good-healthy condition for 4th of July when it is unnecessary to be a Christian, thank you. Hoping you get for Christmas present what is coming to you, I am yours truly, HASHIMURA TOGO. In Colliers' Weekly. |