Show q a U HIS BIT OF EMPIRE tt it ta Is a well known tact fact that soine englishmen are more moio moi o inclined to talk about the empires fringe of which they are ignorant rather than about its heart which they possibly know am ething of 0 A housewife whose husband was addicted this way turned his abou thoughts gats into more homely channels by her bar ready wit one saturday evening ho be came home late smelling strongly ot of tobacco and very red in the face oh be said iye ive bad a fine time ive been to an empire meeting it was grand i then he frowned and said ampa the matter with supper cuppert aint it ready yet ills ilia wife who was peeling potatoes and holding a equalling boy rose and extended the abo baby to him hero she said eald take bold of your bit of the empire while I 1 try fry these chips how it Is done nono hollo said the abo eminent statesman speaking rather severely to his private secretary rollo it has been rather more than a week now since I 1 have saad something really brilliant brillia nL are you aware of at that Y y dessir stammered the hireling til ill give you three ahrea days more continued the statesman assuming his bis well known attitude in which the right hand band Is in thrust into the front of at tho the shirt as though to bring forth an important document or to scratch a hidden bidden chigger bite and it if I 1 uttered something exceedingly intellectual or row new by that time I 1 shall have to employ a new press agent GOOD imagination ator vain dauber claims to bo be highly imaginative and also a thinker er yes yea he imagines he ha thinks and thinks he be imagines even then the rho wine men iten never speak ull till they have something well worth while to may ay and being wine and thoughtful roen raen they say cay but little even then the puff personal you are evidently very fond ol at books air said eald an old gentleman to a young man in a train car may I 1 ask y you ou whom you consider the best novelist of the day jenkins undoubtedly said the ho young naan man theres nobody can write like jenkins why sir air the circulating r cu libraries cant supply nil his novels novela fast enough at this moment another man entered tho train car and addressed the young man hello jenkins he said how flow are you today alt ti t alts DI Is unworthy of his love george and mamie sprague are engaged for goodness sakel sake I 1 always thought he DO had bad good taste aeu afable a bad looking gin out but look at the style of her ehe bhe hide her ears by combing her bar bair over them try it mary said a mother to her quick tempered little girt girl you must moat not get mad and say naughty things you should always give a soft when her little brother provoked her an hour afterward mary alary clinched her little flat and cald asid the watchword he knew mcw tho the game now archie asked the tha school mistress dilating ori on the virtue of politeness lit eness 1 I it you were wera seated to in a tram car every seat of which was a occupied and a tady lady entered what would you do dot pretend I 1 was waa asleep was the prompt reply tit nita A sure sign that woman pretends pro tends to move in the most aristocratic aristocrat la social circles but I 1 have found out oat one no tact fact whiten strongly intimates she he does nothing of the sort what ts to tir bhe awe pays all her bar mils blits unreasonable did your friend bays a good jums um on his bis hunting trip no ajoy enjoy himself at I 1 alt all the th guides sot got about bis shoot ling mo DO many of them for sua not gonsolin lon solin one of the boys hail had broken one of 0 the school rules and to no one would own 0 wn up u P the tha teacher announced that he be thrash the iho whole class if some one did not tell him who bad corn com the offense all were silent and be began with the bo first boy and thrashed every one on lii in tho the class until finally ho reached the last one then he bo said now it you will tell me MB who did this thin I 1 wont thrash you all right air I 1 did it was the reply ideas WHY A BACHELOR llanten clinten ive a mind to got get married liempeck lien peck if you had a mind you think of such a thing thine sweet melody tim H sweet indeed to hear the th hen ban lift up her voice a ves peg for ra r now when cost coat or of high it t indans ai another nother egg his HI economy tho the children in the blank family wore were taught habits of neatness at uio the table by being compelled to pay a line fine ot of one cent for or every spot anoy put on the tablecloth one ona day harold a boy of 0 seven years acara WAS discovered rubbing the overhanging part at 0 the cloth between his bla fingers fin gera onil and when taken to task lor for it ho said bald why I 1 wust lust just trying to rub two spots into ona Voi llama home comparon com not so very romantic GI Gl orlana faltered the ardent youth la Is this the budt end y reginald she eho answered with A world of compassion compass loa la in bar sort soft brown eyes it fall weary of 0 the strain of holding tait ati skein ot of flossy yarn which the maiden had bad been winding into a ball reginald alleg dnald dropped his bis exhausted arms arena to his sides and drow draw a long breath 0 of re ra ilet uc the reason though actors are superstitious A no a rule they ate are not afraid of being in haunted houses housea they are not no you cant scare en an actor by putting him any place where the tha ghost walks took precautions at mrs re brown im thinking of giving up using fresh botik I 1 road lead an article in the jibe paper saying all kinds of infection can be got from it it Atil Milkman kman dont worry madam our water la Is always well boiled balled ural first london sketch classifying himself eve on ecung him for the first alme who are you air adam im exhibit A madam THREE OR FOUR lip lizi i 1 I notice that you call your buo sugar ivo ive always alway called my wives sugar uniel how flow many lump haya hare you had I 1 1 looking forward he be no prunes in beavan trav fra A boarder softly agh olahs who drearr dr eari of sins ln forgiven and a a mansion lu in the ali salex kte A good suggestion the horse editor was substituting for or the A answers to correspondents editor llo wll I 1 anscer abw r tolar he dal 1 rounded girt girl wants wanta to know how ine be can improve her ber complexion tell her to send you ou a sample of fit it suggested the snake najie editor |