Show KA KATHLEEN NORRIS Self-Pity Self Can Destroy Lives ONCE when I was first married I went with my husband to dine with some friends s of his hi a married couple unknown to me until un un- til tu then He Ue had told me that the wife wIle was wasa a brillant woman but unlucky She had many gifts gUts but she didn't seem leem able to succeed with any venture van ven even In tn the prest city where everY every- one we knew was either painting or singing acting d dancing or writing writ writ- ing ing writing writing anything essays stories stor star lea ies poems advertisements Ice Not everyone w was was s successful successful success success- ful then but everyone confidently expected to be sooner or later and almost everyone was But Dut not Olive I knew her for tor 25 years after that first bridal din dinner dinner ner and she never did anything except except ex ex- ex talk about her bad luck Sho She played the piano delightfully she was one of ot the wittiest women I ever knew but somehow she got small pleasure out of ot either gift and even socially she was always left behind Thought Only of Self SeU tier Her trouble was that she could think of ot nothing but herself hersell and of what everyone else was thinking of ot her That everyone else might possibly have something better to think of at never crossed her mind Olive was self Like Lace all self centered women she was abnormally abnormally ab ab- normally sensitive and managed to make anything any thing and everything that was said laId In her hearing immediately immediately im im- im mediately applicable to herself So at the first dinner when we were both young women poor ambitious am adventurous determined that New York should give us u. the played ib piano lo delightfully ally 0 0 opportunity It had given so many others othen Olive was obsessed with trifles She apologized for tor the dinner din ner napkins she fluttered about the shortage ot of forks she interrupted inter interrupted the conversation jut just ju t as a. It got under way with nervous nervous asides to her husband and to the bewildered dered dared amateur waitress who had been hired for the occasion If a guest hesitated one second In attacking at tacking his food Olives Olive's eager I apologies were there You dont don't like mint sauce Oh Ob Oh dear dear The lamb is cold Arthur sorry Arthur sorry to Interrupt you dear but this meat Is 11 stone tone cold coid I did want things thing to be nice Every thing in Ju Mothers Mother's house was wa so 10 perfect You'll think me quite uncivilized uncivilized un un- civilized I know there should be candles for dinner but this room is so 10 deplorably dark Dreadful apartment but all ail we wo could get get iet Apologies Spoiled II And so 10 on and on All AU through the years Jura Olive flustered herself and everyone ne near near r her with her fluttered pretentiousness If It one met her hr downtown all an the pleasure of ot an unexpected encounter w. w was spoiled by bl This dreadful old hat But what can poor folk tolk like us u. do doT AI My dear I know it Its It's my turn for tor a party but poor Arthur missed his hll commission commis tort you know I took my poor little pIa play to Brady Brady Brad he was Vet very kind i but he ho looked it at t my hands bands I J told hint him dishwashing and didn't go eo very verl well wen together and and and- poor me I J began to cry Well VeU of ot course coune that made him impatient r Olive not pot only never did any thin thing worth while but Ib she some some- bow how bold Arthur back too Ifs fie was a clever clver writer had bad a nears near ucc success or two But then Olive oily would want to Invite all sorts lorts of ot notables to a celebration dinner and the dinner diMer would be a dreary pretentious failure and the Scotts Scotta would be bo right back where they started Meanwhile simpler folk much less gifted men and women Indeed were finding their feet professionally profession profession- ally quite unashamed of at shabby rooms and hospitality that Involved the services of at all the guests guest and sometimes their contributions of butter or salad oil aU or red apples from the stand at the corner Auto Auto- Automatically Automatically they were migrating to the picturesque old barns and farmhouses farmhouses farm farm- houses of Long Island and New England automatically they were drawing to themselves the fame modest or great the great the financial comfort the friends for which poor Olive Olivo hungered all aU through her ber days Only a year or two ago I saw Arthur again and all the time Ume he chattered the Joyous nonsense that had been bottled up In him 40 years ago His I first book was a success SUccess- he was 64 84 when it was published published- and he is busy with another and everything about his his' life lle clothes food toad friendships hospitality talk has taken on the wonderful quality we call ease Poor Olive had robbed him of all an that and robbed herself too because of that sense of at personal persona importance or pride or false val ues Young wives are happier when they realize that tho the first thought ought to be for tor the tho other persons person's comfort Nobody minds mistakes shortages haphazard domestic arrangement ar ar- arrangement when all an the world is young youn and everyone is financially In Ju about the same boat But every one hates hate fussiness apologies and the uncomfortable hostess whose one thought It is how to impress rather rather rath er than please her guests and who reduces all an of lifes life's problems problem to the first person singular makin making of at herself a trouble |