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Show - - - - r L LwNUarv wNUarv wNUarvBigtown Bag'wn Bagwn Bigtown ; ' CharactersThe Characters CharactersThe 1 The barber who wbo asks patrons If Ifthey ifthey ifthey they want their locks clipped witll with witllor withor withor or without conversation Sales- Sales Salesmen Sales'men Salesmen - ' men In hoity t tolty tbity ity shops always ele ale aleI alegantly elegantly I gantly attired Without spats they theywould theywould ! would feel naked , " The creamy creamyvoiced creamyvoiced 1 1voiced voiced barker at a penny arcade-a arcade a arcadeaI arcadeawell arcadeawell arcade - - awell I well known Shakespearian thespIan thespian'a thespiana ' a decade ago until untt1 he discovered discoveredthat discoveredthat discoveredthat that shilling shtlbng provided a steadier steamer in income income income come ' " " Sepians Seplans at electric shoe shoeslune shoeshine shoeshine slune shine parlors conversing conversmg in jivelingo jive jivelingo jivelingo lingo which baffles bames battles people who can canunderstand canunderstand canunderstand understand only Engbsh EnglIsh Pretty bobby-soxers bobby soxers - - logging lugging lunch lunchboxes lunchboxes lunchboxes boxes to the Paramount-so Paramount so Paramount - so they theycan theycan theycan can survive sitting sIttmg through a ahaU ahalf ahalf haU half do/en do en d07en doyen / shows worshipping worshlppulg worshippidg . Kmg King KmgSmatra KingSinatra KingSinatra Smatra Sinatra Jitterbug almond eyed eyedyoungsters eyedyoungsters eyedyoungsters youngsters In Chmatown-complete Chmatown complete Chinatown-complete Chinatown Chmatowncompletely Chinatowncompletely Chinatown - completely ly Americanized AmerIcamzed An old artIst artIstcopymg artistcopying artistcopying , copymg copying masterpieces m In the Mu Museum Muscum Museum i seum scum of Art . . His hands tiands pands are shaky so sohe sohe sohe [ he steadies his brush by grIpping grippingIt it with both hands The hancbcap handicap hancbcaphowever handicaphowever handicaphowever however doesn t seem to affect hisexcellent h1s his h1sexcellent hisexcellent excellent canvases Crowds fas faa fasclnated faaeinated tascinated clnated einated by pigeons nibbling mbblmg at atbread atbread atbread bread crumbs Proving again agam thatalmost that thatalmost thatalmost almost anything anythmg can attract a mob mobin mobin mobIn in the Big Burg Germans ID in inYorkville mYorkville Yorkville saloons sipping their beer beerThese beerThese beerThese These spots used to be Bund hang hangouts hangouts hangouts outs Now big signs urge customers customersnot customersnot customersnot not to discuss the war Qr or r politicsThe politics politicsThe The dramatic contrast In tawdry , sidestreet joynts Entertainers con conlist concast conaast list cast ! of a mixture of has beens and andyoungsters andyoungsters andyoungsters youngsters with a bright futureCeleb futureCeleb future futureCeleb Celeb fanatics ogling first mghters nighters mghtersentermg nightersentering nightersentering entermg entering the theatre-gettIng theatre gettIng theatre - - getting more moreof moreof moreof of a thrill by staring starmg at biggies bIggles thanfirst than thanfirst thanfirst first nighters ntghters fighters get from the showsThe shows showsThe The silly brawl between two twofriends twofriends twofriends friends at a midtown bar-because bar because barbecauseeach barbecauseeach bar - becauseeach each insisted on paying the checkThe checkThe check checkThe The 77 year old gent who has the thesame thesame thesame same breakfast every morning at a aMadison aMadison aMadison Madison and 50th street eatery eateryDoughnuts eateryDoughnuts eateryDoughnuts Doughnuts covered with mustard mustardUgh mustardUgh mustardUgh Ugh He claims that combInation combinationhas combinationhas ' has added years to lus his his life 11fe Side Side- Sidewalk Sidewalk Sidewalk - < - walk Napoleons who used to discuss discussmilitary discussmilitary discussmilitary military tactics remaining remamlng in tune tunewith tunewith WIth the times Now they also de debate debate debate bate postwar problems SWishes SWisheswho Swisheswho Swisheswho who congregate for some unknown unknownreason unknownreason unknownreason reason m In foreign language movie movietemples movietemples movietemples temples The lovely Schraffts Schrafftshostesses Schrafftshostesses Schrafftshostesses hostesses Most of them look as if ifthey ifthey Ifthey they had to pass a screen test be be- before before before - fore they were hiredNewspaperman hired hiredNewspaperman Newspaperman StuffOgden Stuff StuffOgden Ogden OgdeB Nash was , once taken to totask totask totask task for using the word coyful In Inone inone mone one of his verses Have you youever youever youever ever heard of anything bem being : full of ofcoy ofcoy9 ofcoy7 coy coy9 ' asked a critIcNo criticNo critic criticNo No nash d Nash "But But 'But ' " ' neither neitherdid neitherdid neitherdid did I ever hear of anyone bem being : fuU full fuUof fullof fullof of bash ' The word * ' controversy ' serves as ascensors ascensors ascensors censors abracadabra Theymutter They Theymutter Theymutter mutter that something somethmg is controver controversfal controversial . sial sfal and-presto-they and presto they and - presto - - they presume the thetruth thetruth thetruth truth will vanish vamsh Blue-pen Blue pen Bluepencllers Bluepentilers Blue-pencilers Blue pencilers - - cllers tilers have used that alibi al1bi to hIn hInder hinder hinder der freedom of ot speech and press pressfor pressfor pressfor for a long time bme All of which whichleads whichleads whichleads leads into an Alee Alec Woollcott yarn yarnthat yarnthat yarnthat that illustrates our viewpoint vlewpomt on the thesubJect thesubject thesubject subJect When Alee Alec was broad broadcastIng broadcasting broadcasting ' castIng his hts sponsor pounced on onhim onhim II htm him with the squeak that he must mustrefram mustrefrain mustrefrain ' refram refrain from using usmg controversial ma material material terial Woollcott Woolicott promptly de demanded demanded demanded manded that the sponsor e-xplam e xplam explain explamwhat explainwhat - explainwhat what he meant by controversial controversialmaterIal controversialmaterial controversialmaterial controversialmaterialThe materIal materIalThe The sponsor 3 s a reply was a dtlly dilly dtllyHe dillylie dillyHe He lie deplored Alee Alec s caustic refer references references references ences to Hitler lDtler and Mussolmi-for Mussolmi for Mussolini-for Mussolini Mussolmiforfear Mussoliniforfear Mussolini - fortear fear it would antagonize people In Inthe inthe inthe the country who supported them I ! From FPA s new book . , Nods and andBecks andBecks andBecks Becks Of course there are many manywho manywho manywho who say that a daily columnIst columnIstwhtch columnistwhich columnistwhich whtch which means a person who has SIX SIXor sixor sixor or seven full columns a week in 111 m ' a apaper apaper apaper paper doesn doebn t really work but that thathe thathe thathe he would like other laborers to work workSIX worksix worksix SIX days a week for the period of the theso theso theso so called - - properly so called - emergency . , We know not what whatcourse whatcourse whatcourse course others othe"s othes " may take but we nev never never never er have beien betm been able to do it under a aseven aseven aseven seven day " wsek week 1ek < and some mghts nights mghtsOtten nightsOften nightsOften Otten Often we ' dream l'eam leam of Jeanie with the theunfilled theunfilled theunfilled unfilled column We dream that we wehave wehave wehave have three minutes in m which to toIwrIte to'write townte IwrIte 'write write * ' a column have it 1t set read readproof readproof readproof proof and make it up It would be bepleasant bepleasant bepleasant pleasant to work five eight hour hourdays hourdays hourdays days a week To quit in the mid mid- middle middle middle - dle of a syllable it If need be when whenthe whenthe whenthe the whistle blew ' And then some somedays somedays somedays days as if 1f mere writing wrItmg weren t tenough tenough tenough enough trouble there is a lot of clJp clip clJppmg clipping clipping pmg ping and pasting pastmg to do It sounds soundseasy soundseasy soundseasy easy but it takes longer to find the theshears theshears theshears shears and the paste tor for first class classstuff classstuff classstuff stuff than it does tovrlte to \ write \vrlte vrlte thirdallright third-all third all thirdallright third - all allright right we won t argue - fourth fourthclass fourthclass fourthclass class stuff - tobe The Society Set , which claims to be sophisticated but is the easiest easiestpushover easiestpushover easiestpushover pushover for all types of phomes phonies phoniesSocietyites phomesSocletYltes phoniesSocletyites SocletYltes Socletyites have gushed over fake fakedukes dukes counts & mad a&ld ald and other SPUrIOUS SPUrIOUSnobles spuriousnobles spuriousnobles nobles tor for years No matter how howmany howmany howmany many are exposed there are always alwaysother placeThe other phonies to take their place The dowager who lost her fortune a few afew years ago However she stm atilt - still-lives still lives stmbvcs atiltlives bvcs lives in luxury because she became becamea a bookie booklel ; ! Her clients cltents are Park Ave AvenUites Avesuites Avenuites nUites suites Music lovers lovcrs who takl take takesymphony takesymphony ' symphony Halland scores st.ores stores . to Carnegie Hall and read the music while playad played |