OCR Text |
Show SEEN IrENo Snd UEAHD naRD IFARD IFARDMAIN - e > < = > " ' - "MAIN MAIN " MAIN STREET.rM STREET STREETDefinition .r-M .rM .r r M . .rMs .rMDefinition . - s DefinitionLOVE DefinitionLOVE Definition DefinitionLOVE LOVE That something somethmg wWc.h wWch which wWc.h"Would whichwould whichwould . "Would Would " cause a swain to leave the theball theball theball ball game in the last half of the themnth theninth theninth mnth ninth with the bases full fuIl and the thescore thescore thescore score tied . . . * . Most 1\I06t 1 I06t Illost \ wives fetl feel that when whenthey whenthey whenthey they took their thell " husbands for forbetter forbetter forletter better or tor for worse it must have havebeen havebeen havebeen been for beUer-beceause beUer beceause better-beceause better tetter - bcccause after aftera a few months theyre they re sure they theyeouldn theyeouldn theycouldnt eouldn t have done worseBelieve worse . . . . Believe it lt or not the Umted United Umtedstat UnitedStates stat States 3 sends a commiosion comml.sion commlsion commision . , to the thePhtllppme thePhilippine thePhilippine Phtllppme Philippine Islands to help them thembalance thembalance thembalance balance their budget Now it if we wev.ere wewere wewere v.ere vere were . a Republican . we v.e ve would sug suggest suggest suggest g-est g est gest - that they might 1n1ght recr reciprocateThe reciprocate rocate . . . . The seven ages of woman are arethe arethe arethe the infant mfant the little girl the theJIlJSs themiss themiss JIlJSs miss , , , the loung oung young ) woman the theyoung theyoung theyoung young woman the young > ) oung wo woman woman woman man and the young " woman "oman oman . . . . She1y She \ : My \1y 1y face is my fortune fortuneHe fortuneHe fortuneHe He How long ha\e ha e hae hate \ , you been on onrelief onrelief onrelief relief ? " . . . . A tra traveling tratehng , < , lIng man " who "ho ho oho had been beenabl1ged beenabhged beenabhged abl1ged abhged three times to take an up upper upper upper per berth In the sleeping sleepmg car Alo Aloha Aloha Aloha ha has requested the Pullman Pullmancompany Pullmancompany Pullmancompany company to please name the ne neat neatone nextone .t t > . .tone one nuppah . * . * . * . How to Cook : Parsnips Parsmps is the thetitle thetitle thetitle title bythe of a new nev . bulletin issued by bythe bythe the Department of Agriculture It ! tells ho \ i to cool cook . them but not nothy notv ncwhy t \\hy hy v \ \ by . . . . And nothulif nothmg nothing broadens one onehke onelike onelihe hke like travel tra\el tra el tratel \ suggests ugjl'Sts ugjlSts ; ' Dad Gum Gum1m Gummil Gummil 1m mil ! unless it is rich chocol.1te chocol1te chocol.1tesun chocolate chocolatesun . chocolatesun * - sun rtesDad lies hes rtes . * . * . * . Dad says sa's sas ) ' the aftel after dinner nan nanis nanis na-is na is - is his Ins favorite favonte hour of the day dd.Y ddY . H1S His H1SIfe His'rfe Hiwife \Ife Ife 'rfe rfe ' ' \ tikes t'lkes tlkes takes ' the nap * . * . * . * . Dr Alien Allen bOITO borro borro\ed borro ed t \ ed Ralph Miller Millers Millersscales s : scales cales on which heeighed lie'sighed liesighed he weighed \\eighed eighed \ ' the fish fishhe fishhe fis'tic fistic ' he caught and lli > used u ed them to weIgh weIgha weiga a baby bab } ) The chield chleld chreld v . weighed eighed velghed 27 27pounds 27pounds 2sounds pounds - - - - Definition DefiDJtloD DefiDJtloDPESSIMIST DefinitionPESSIMIST DefinitionPESSIMIST I PESSIMIST The guy who can cant cantgo cango t tgo go forward forv.ard forvard . because his brakes are areset arset Iset areIset set so that he v . wont won't . * . ' ' go . vAdvice backwardAdvice backward backwardv AdVIce in m old book of etiquette etlquette etiquetto etlquet etiquet te to In 'In ' ' an antoorbile autolR.bllt autolRbllt autorn.bile autornbile . ' the lady ladyshould ladyshould ladrshould should sit on OK ox the right h.nd hnd hind h . nd of ofthe ofthe otthe the gentleman . . . * * . Figures don t lie he girls glrls especial especialy especially especially ly ] y if they are w " wearing "earing earing earing ! . kmckers .mckers mckers knickers . . . . Definition DefimtJon DefimtJonTWO DefinitionTWO DefinitionTWO TWO FABLES Easy Eas } Paymentsand Paymentsand Payments Paymentsand and ' IPalnless 'Painless Painless Pathless Extractions Extractlons Extractionsbo , . . . . \\bo bo \ ' " \ \ ho said the modern gul girl guldoe girldown girldoesnt doe down n < ; t like bke Spiniunr Spmrung Spinning 'heEls heEls tivheels ' WheelsSure ' ? Sure she does four of em emtummg emturning cmturning tummg turning over fast and a spaif sparf spare ' . . * . . Percy Whiffletree has decIded decIdedthat decidedthat decidedthat that Honolulu is lS the place he isn Ian isntomg t tg01I1g tgoing g01I1g going ? this } sear ear on his hlS vacation vacationLast vacationLast vacation1-ast vacation1 ast Last - year it lt . was v.as vas California that he hedIdn hedidn hedidnt dIdn t go to Next Ne'tt Nett Neet ' y ) iear ear he c . warts v.arts varts ar is to togo togo togo go to New York for a reunion so soI sohe sohe sohe I , he figures that New York is ishere \\here here v.here vhere there v.herehe therehe . \ \ herehe heon he \\on on \ wont t go in m 1939 . . . . DeflmtlonNECESSITY DefinitionNECESSITY Definition Deflmtlon DefinitionNECESSITY NECESSITY Something Somethmg a wo woman woman woman man goes without so that she can canbuy canbuy canbuy buy a luxury . . . a . aMost * Most 1\Iost 1 Iost \ women are very gener generous generous generous ous where one will keep asecnt asecret a asecret secret secnt 99 will give it away . * . * . * . And the tv two . 0 Primary Pnmary Colors ColorssaS Colorssays Colorssa saS says } s Dad Gummit Gummlt Gummtt seem sef'm sefm ' to be beStop beStop beStop Stop and Go . . . . The hav bay hay crop wis was w , so short shortm shortin shortin m in the orthwest 1\.orthwest 1.orthwest 1 .orthwest Aorthwest \ . ? this thlS year } ear that thatmuch thatmuch thatmuch much of it was hardly worth worthcuttmg worthcutting worthcutting cuttmg cutting One farmer had to tolather tolather tolather lather his before he could now nowd nowit nowit d it - A recent motion picture sho shooed shooeda shovie'i shoviei ed ' a ' \ bevy of shapely girls Idrls getting ready readyfor readyfor readfor for a plunge in m the old s\\lmmmg s lmmmg svimnnng slmmmghole svimnnnghole swimnunhole \ hole They had taken off coats coatsshoes coatsshoes coatsshoes shoes and stockingshen stockings , when \hen hen tuhen \ a freight freighttl freighttrain frcighltiain tl train ain , passed JY1ssed pissed by cutting oft off the thecameraman thecameraman thcameraman ( cameraman and the next view of ofthe ofthe olthe the girls sho showed shoved ed them thf'm thfm ' in theater the \ater ater cater caterafter \ watelliter , 1fter after ' the trim tr\m tr m ' \ had pissed p\ssed p ssed ' \ An old oldrailioader oldrailroader olcraUioader railioader railroader sa sat t tIn tinoug-h tinoug h through ough - several per pcr performllnces pcrformances performnnces formllnces formances of the show for he .new new knew .newfrom knewfrom } . kne knefrom from experience e\.parience e.parience e .parience parience etperience \ . thit th\t th t that ' \ sooner or orlat.er orlater 01later lat.er later . that trim tr\m tr m train ' \ was vas as bound to be behte belate b bIltc < Iltc hte late A C e Jorgensen and son Glen Glenleft Glenleft Gleleft left list hst heat week for HanksvUle Hanksville where wherethey wherethey whenthey they are arr employed emploi emplo ed on the construc construe construchon construeLion construetion hon Lion of a CCG CCC campMr camp campMr - Mr and Mrs John Johnson and andMr andMr anMr ( Mr andirs and " \ Mrs \irs irs Johnny Johnson Johnsen and andspent andfamily anfamily ( family spent Sunday at Geyser pass passb1 passin pasin b1 in the La Sal mountainsiisses mountainsMisses mountains Misses \iisses iisses " \ June and Jean Baldwin re returned returned returned turned to their home in Denver Denverafter Denverafter Denvelafter after spendirg spendlI'g spendlIg spending ' a few v veeks eeks with withrelatives withrelatives witl-relatives witl relatives - relatives in m Moab and Greenriver |