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Show SEEN 1d & IIFARD IIFARDMAIN HEAR J.lEAUD JlEAUD . - c : > " ' - " MAINSTREEl MAIN'STUEET MAINSTUEET MAIN ' STREET STREETIWM IWM IWMr IWM.r } IWMs s r MAINSTREElJane r .r r . 7 7June Jane June Brides can face the fu futare fu'tUre futore tare 'tUre tUre tore ' withinf without withoi1 . * undue alarm . . ptrTe.St.w ptrTeSt.w ptrTeStw ndft . Mg 8IQJ . assures Sures Aesuree JIl us there therewill therewill therewill will be no shortage of canned cannedgoods cannedgoods cannedtoods goodsOne goods . . . * . One Brideasn't Bride \ wasnt \\asn't asn't asnt wasn't ' ' able llible to make maketoast maketoast makitoast toast for her husbands husband s breakfast"When breakfastWhen breakfast breakfastWhe breakfastWhen Whe When " , . she- she shebought . - bought the groceries shithoughtlessly she shethoughtlessly shethoughtlessly thoughtlessly got a . loaf of breacthat bread breadthat breadthat that wasn wasnt t sliced shced . * * * Advice AdV1ce to ( o BndesIt BridesIt Endes Bndes Brides EndesIt It Is 15 3s ' A 2 . " wise Se . ' ] wife wde who after the thebone thehoneymoon thhoneymoon e bone honeymoon 'D1oon D1oon ' has enough horse sense sensenot sensenot sensnot not to start nagging ' . . . . TVe 'We We ' ' shall reside at tbe the ( he OldManse Old OldlI.anse Old1llanse l\I.anse lI.anse l I.anse Ianse 1llanse \ . said SIlJd the bride brideAnd brideJind .And And . And . thereporterTote the-reporter the reporter - - wrote'When \ wrote \\Tote Tote wrote'When Tote'When ' ' 'When When ' they return from tbelr their tbelrhoneymoon theirhoneymoon theirhoneymoon honeymoon the newlyweds mll will willlive willlive 11'1"1 1111 live ' " ' with mth the bnde brides s father . . . * . When a woman "oman oman " refers to he her her'late her'late ; , "late late 'late " ' husband it at doesnt doesn t alwa always alwaysmean alwaymean s smean mean that she Is a wIdo widow " . * . . . The'only- The'only Theonly The-only- The only The'only"one Theonlyone The-only-one The only one ' - - - "one- "one one -one- "onewho oneho " - - - " who ho doesn doesnt doesntgamble t tgamble tramble gamble on matrimony matnmony is tl'e tle tl'eclergyman tl'eclergyman theclergyman ' ' clergyman ne lie e gets his moneym moneyin money m in advance advancew w . * * . . ' Tto 'Do Do ' you still st1l1 Rake "ake ake wake " up with a agrouch agrouch igrouch grouch ? No Dearie Deane I divorced him . . . . E\ E Eerr Etery E \ ery err married marned man is 15 con convmced convmced convinced vmced he would "ould ould " haic ha\e ha e hate \ beennch been beenneh beenrich neh rich it If he had remained remamed abachelor a abachelor abachelor bachelor . . . . Before maniage marriage a man yearns yearnsfor seamfor earns earnsfor for the girl alter after mamage InaInage marriage the y yIS yis yis IS silent . . . . Dear Editor Is it bad luck t tpostpone to topostpone < postpone : a . nedding "eddmg eddmg wedding "eddmgOscar weddingOscar " ? ' -Oscar Oscar - - Oscar Hassenpfefler HassenpfeflerDear Has Hassenpfeffer Hassenpfeffer senpfeffer senpfefferDear Dear Oscar No not tt if you keep keepon keepon keelon on doing domg it . . * . . Hubb Hubbi Hubby Well I guess it if the theworst theworst thiworst worst came to the " worst "orst orst w " we "I I e ' could couldt"O couldgo coul coulgo < go t"O tO , " and Ihe 11I 11\ 11 lit \ I a ' witt- witt wit- wit wittyour wityour ? - your parents parentsWifei parentsW1fe parentsWifey Wifei Wifey W1fe That Thatouldn wouldnt \\ouldn ouldn wouldn \ t be posBible pos possIble possible sIble they're theyre ' ' hung hunguth with \uth uth \ thenpeoiple their theirpcople theirpeople pcople people : . . . . ' 'Darling- 'Darling Darling 'Darhnl Darhnl 'Darlingwill ' ( " - will nil tall , " TOO "I'U IU you ' be n r y f wife wife9'Will wife9Will ' ) 'Will Will ' \ ' , III III"ou \ " TOU \"ou "ou ou von ah\ ah always ahays \ ays let me do Just Justwhat justwhat ] us uswhat < what I like like"Certa-nlvCan like"Certa likeCerta nlvCan " ' ) Certa CertaIll -Ill Ill nl - - _ . Can Mother 'Iother Iother ' live liveHth with \Hth Hth \ us"Of usOf us ' ) "Of Of " course dear dearft dear'Will 'Will Will ' \ ' ft , ill 111 vou von " cive 2"1're 21re euve ' Up the club and andalways andalways andalways always gIve ( ive me money when I as ask ! . for asktor askfor It if"Willingly ifWillingly ' ) for'Willingly "Wllhngly Wllhngly 'Willingly Willingly " ' my pet pet.Tin petTin . . . 'Tm Tm ' ' sorry I could never marry marryneh marrysuch marrycnch neh such a boob DcfmltlonRELIEF DefinitionRELIEF Definition Dcfmltlon DefinitionRELIEF RELIEF MAP Any map of thiUnited the theUnited theUnited United States stat s . . . . No one in this world Is en entIrely entirely entirely tIrely useless useleSl > , even the worst worstof worstof worstof of us can sen sene serte e nicely as s a hor horrid horrid horrid rid e example ample * . . . . Percy Whiffletree 1Iletree W1 came homedrunk home homedrwIJ homedrunk drwIJ drunk . , and explained explamed to his IDS Ins wifethat WIfe WIfethat wifethat that his condition was due to thetact the thefact thefact fact that he had ml > . mixed .ed ed his drinksPercy drinksPercy drinks drinksPercy Percy his Zits 11s wife advised 'hen hen when 'henI 'henou whenyou " ' wheniou you ou ha\e ha e have \ drunk all the whiskeyyou whiskey whiskeyou I you ) ou want you should ask for sar- sar sarsaparilla sarsaparilla aar-saparilla aar saparilla - i saparilla Yes replied PercyI PercyI Percybut Percybut Percy Percybut I [ but when I have drunk all thewhiskey the thewhiskey thewhiskey I whiskey I want I cant can t say sarsaparilla sarsap sarsaparilla arilla sarsapI I , . . . . Why 'Why ' did you strike strtke the tele- tele telegraph telegraph tele telegraph - graph operated operatod ' ) ' ' asked the themagIStrate themagistrate themacistrate magIStrate of the man who was wasSUDlDlOned wassummoned wassummoned SUDlDlOned summoned tor for assault assaultWell assaultWell assaultWell Well sir I cives gives him Jwn a tele-tram tele tram tele- tele telegram telegram - gram to t send to my pI sal ( al an hestarts he hestarts hestarts starts readm readin it so of course Inps I Iups Iups ups and gives him one . . . . I IHe He entered the newspaper office officein officein In a ma manner = er that suggested mur murder murder miirder der He reached the counter oounter andtook and andtook andtook took a newspaper from an inneipocket inneipocketI Inner Innerpocket innerpocket pocket pocketI I was v.as vas . intensely mtensely shocked this thismorning thismorning thismorning morning : to read in m this wretched wretchedJournal wretchedjournal wretchedjournal Journal in intimation mtimation of my m ; en engagement engagement engagement gagement he saidThe sandThe said sand saidThe The clerk behind behmd the counter counterlooked counterlooked counterlooked looked at him with some concern concernIm concernI Im I m almost beside myself with "Ith Ith "Ithrage withrage " rage the agitated man vent "ent ent went " onI on onI onI I can cant t tell you how angry I am am1m amIn amIm 1m In \ worried \ orned My fiance Is dread dreadfully dreadfully dreadfully fully annoyed We are all annoyed annoyedGive annoyedGive annoyedGive Give me 50 copies of the paper aper |