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Show I FABLES FABLES IN INSLANd1 INSLANd1Deli SLANG @neIlSyndlc.au neIlSyndlc.au @neIlSyndlc.auBy @ Deli syndltab syndltabBy . By GEORGE ADE ADEWNUServlc ADEWNU WNUServlc WNU Serves . x - _ : ' - 4 4M I M . . o oi olj ; or r i lj ljr ljye r _ _ _ 1 , ye- ye ye3 - / 3 ' _ ' i iJo Jo- Jo Jo4W - 4Wn 4W /n n / n.J .J J . , . - / Lcn , : : : ( ; \ : ( . JRosalie Dc ? . , _ _ _ _ _ _ Rosalie Was Fairly Dragged to the Altar by Walter DlOgleforth Dingleforth , . HOW WEDDINGS HAVE HAVESOLD HAVESOLD SOLD OFFI OFFT OFFIT OFF OFFDT T CAME CJUID ' ' about 'lbout lbout 'ibout ibout that during the thepast thepast thepast DT IT past Summer , Rosilie nOS'lUe nOSlUe Rosalie ' , only onlydaughter onlydaughter onlydaughter daughter of ot Mr and \ Mis 1\l1s 1 l1s Mrs W W.K WK . K Jellaby Jeaby ] , was "as as has , " fairly falrly dragged draggedto to the Altar by Walter Dlnglefol Dinglefoith th , whose "hose hose chose " Futlier FL.ther FLther . owns o 0 " ns the furniture furnitureI'actory furniturefactory furnitureFactory I'actory Iactory factory ' and pays pa s a jimcracking jlmcracking In Income Income Income come Tax , even e\"en e "en en \ " if it he does hire an anDxpert anExpert anExpert Dxpert Expert to protect him , so that on onthe onthe onthe the Da Day ) ' when their high gride gr'lde grlde gr'ide ' ' Off Off- Offspring Offspring Offspring - spring left them fore\ fore fore\or fore or foreer foreier \ er ( m'lybp mlybp maybe nnybeMr ' ) , , Mr and Mrs Tellaby could hardly hardlyrefrain hardlyrefrain hardlyrefrain refrain from doing Jig StepsThe StepsThe Steps StepsThe The Architect who plann"d plannd planned plann " d the Jel Jellaby Jellaby Jellaby laby Home had not counted on tak talc taklng talclag taking lng lag care of 200 Guests at one time timeconsequently , consequentlj consequently , , when the big DoIngs"ere Doingswere Doings nere "ere ere were " pulled off , , about half of the thellingside theRingside theRingside llingside Ringside Spectators Spect'ltors Spectltors ' were parked parl.ed parled . In InIIall InHallways inIIailfta Hallways IIall\\ IIall IIalla \ \ a s or Closets or on the St'llr Stllr Stalr St'llrway Stalrway Stilrway ' way . . When the Bids went out , no noone noone noone nooneas one " \\as as "as was \ \ 0\ 0 o overlooked 0erloo.ed \ erloo.ed erlooed erlooked ] , . because the theYoung theYoung theYoung Young People \ would \ ould need almost almosteverything almosteverything almosteverythinghcn everything 1i \ \\hcn hcn \ \ hen they started in to tofurnish tofurnish tofurnish furnish a l ] large r.Tge rTge . , rge ApartmentMr Apartment ApartmentMr Mr and Mrs Jellaby decided to torut torut ( rut 'ut ut ' It wide and nnd hindsome h'lndsome hlndsome handsome ' , because becausethis becausethis becausethis this \ ttould would ould he be tlieir their only Chance to toma.e tomake tomake ma.e mae make ] , . a Splash on the Society PageA PageA Page PageA A GOLDEN GIBBlESo GIBBIESo GIBBIE GIBBlE GIBBIESo So they the ) had a Strip btrip of Red Car Carpet Carpet Carpet pet . , Maiden Malden Hair Ferns , a special specialITarplst specialHarpist specialIIarplst ITarplst Harpist secreted behind Pal Palm ? , a aCaterer aCaterer aCaterer Caterer w " "ho ho \ \ ho brought a wagon load loadof loadof loadof of Indlgcstlbles Indlgestlbles IndlgestIbles and r r & . < . Rector nector who who"as whowas who\\a3 who a3 "as as was " \ \ so High IIlgh Church that you youcouldn'l youcouldn't youcouldn't youcouldnt couldn'l couldnl couldn't couldnt ' understand what he saIdIt saidIt said saidIt It Itft -ft ft " "as as was - as a Daylight Affair AfIr.1r AfIr1r . , . 12 12o'clock 12o'clock 12o'clock 12oclock o'clock oclock ' Central Time , , with every everything everything everything thing sped up because the Young YoungCouple YoungCouple YoungCouple Couple had to get the limited so as asto asto asto to catch the Boat for Europe Burope which whichRosalie whichRosalie whichRosalie Rosalie rather wanted to see , as she shenever shenever shenever never had been beeD east of Akron . The Main Bout went off orr great . It Ithad Ithad Itbad had been rehearsed rehe'iTsed reheiTsed ' until It was as assmooth assmooth assmooth smooth as a Belasco First rlrst NJght Night NJghtThey NightThey NightThey They had bad Brid Bridesmaids malds , who looked lookedlike lookedlike lookedlike like festooned Marshmallows , and andterrified andterrified andterrified terrified little Girls strewing PosIes PosIesand Posiesand Posiesand and a fresh freshly ] shaven Male Body BodyGuard BodyGuard BodyGuard Guard in Undertaking Underta.ing Undertaing ] . Costumes Costumeswhose Costumeswhose Costumeswhose whose Collars were too tight It Itwas Itwas Itwas was a reguiLT regulr.T regulrT regulr.r regulrr . Wedding After the thetwo thetwo thetwo two Principals Prlnclpas ] hid h'ld hld had ' been legally legallywelded legallywelded welded , elded and tlie the rabid Assemblage Assemblagewas was fighting for Lobster Salad and andPImento andPimento andPimento PImento Sandwiches , of course coursethere coursethere coursethere there were all aU sorts of Comments Commentsmostly , mostly right out in the Open andfavorable and andfavorable andfavorable favorable . . KICKLESS PUNCHAmong PUNCHAmong PUNCH PUNCHAmong Among those who were trying to tolast tolast tolast last it out "as as was " \ as a ruddy old Bachelor Bache Bache- Bachelor Bachelor - - lor lorbo \\bo bo who \ \ \ \ ho dated back to the Happy HappyDays HappyDays HappyDays Days when they locked people up upfor upfor upfor for discussing Birth Control , but butpermitted butpermitted butpermitted permitted them to drink Absnthe Absinthe AbsntheHe AbsintheHe AbsintheHe ] He was sitting over in a cornerwith cornerwith corner with two ossified Crs-bs Crs bs Crr.bs Crrbs Cribs . - who could couldalmost couldalmost couldalmost almost remember the Mexican Wnr War Wnrnnd Warand Warand nnd and be he was telling teUing them " what .hat hat . a aIIardship aHardship aHardship IIardship Hardship it vas "as as was " , to get up at Sun- Sun SunrIse Sunrise Sun-riso Sun riso - rIse in order to sec see some somo weak weak- weakbrained weak-brained weak brained - . brained louth Jump juml ) over the Preci Preci- Precipice Precipice Precipice - pice'its pice 'its its , ' Its all right if you suffer sutl'er sutler ' from fromInsomnIa frominsomnia fromInsomnia InsomnIa , . " said tlie the unmarried Rene nene- nene Rene- nenegade Renegade Renegade - - gade , , 'but but ' but now that I Km fi.m fim sin . up , what whatam whatam whatam am I going to do all the rest of the theday theday theday day ? Whoever invented these 12 1'2 1'2o'clock 12o'clock 12o'clock 12oclock ' o'clock oclock ' Weddings had a sviell Sell swell S\\ S \ ell Idea , I "lth lth with " itb the reverse reHrse English DngJlsh Walt till tillthe tillthe : tho the Whistle blows and then hop to toIt toIt toit It It . . I am telling telJing you that in the by- by bygone by bygone . - gone Era Bra when Vohen Nights were not notwasted notwasted notwasted I Igone wasted on Slumber , it would have havebeen havebeen havebeen been impossible Imposolble ! to have this thts show showat showat showat at Noon . . . At that Uour lIour Hour the Groom Groomwr.s GroomWf.s Groom\vt3 Groom vt3 \ wr.s wrs Wf.s Wfs . . always in a Turkish Bath trying try- try tryIng try trying - ing to get bac back ] . on Earth Darth lartb : after nHer the theDInnpr theDinner theDinner DInnpr Dinner for the Best man , the tho Ush Ushers Ushens Ushcrs ers ens and nnd all nIl others who happened hapened [ ) to tobe tobe tobo be thirsty . As a Rule the Ladg Lads Ladgdldn Ladsdldn Ladsdidn dldn t come up t for r Air until G 0 P . M MNo INo MINo ? one ] , . know .new new knew when tho the Ceremony Ceremonywould Ceremonywould Ceremonywould would take ta1.e ta1e . place . . After J\fter J fter \ all nIl the theStragglers theStragglers theStragglera Stragglers had answered nnswered the tile noll- noll Roll nollCan Roll.Call RollCall . - Can Call , . then the Pre3c Preacher er W'l Wl wis was ' gIven gIventhe giventhe giventhe the nifch Dlbh Uifh , Sign lgn and amI told to shoot the theW theWorks theWorks W Works orhs orhs'llave 'llave llave ' Uave Have you tried trltd the PUJ1tl1 Punch PunUi"nsLcd PunUinsLcd ? " nsl-cd nsl cd asked . - one of or the Old Timers . . ' I 1 I suspect tlie the Coloring Matter is Ani Aniline . line Une " "I I " have wrapped m\self m self mself mtiself m\ m \ self around aroundfive aroundfive aroundfive five of them , , hoping hopmg agiinst ng'llnst ngllnst against ' Hope Hope"replied Hopereplied , " replied the Bachelor BachelorA A ROUGH HOUSE MEALThings MEAL MEAL'Ihlngs 'Ihlngs Ihlngs 'lhlngs lhlngs Things ' have come to a direful direfulPass direfulPass direfulPass Pass when they got to have one onePlain oneI'laln onePlain Plain I'laln Ilaln ' Clothes Min Man hn to watch the thePresents thePresents thePresents Presents and two to watch the theGuests theGuests theGuests Guests The Refreshments nefreshments msy m.y my may : . , con- con eon- eon contain eontamn con contain - tain tamn a lot of Vitamins but they are areshy areshy areshy shy on Mirth and Laughter No Noone Noone Noone one wants to make ma.o mao ] , . a Speech The TheBnde TheBride TheBride Bnde Bride hasn't hasnt ' been mussed up The TheDecoratlOns TheDecorations TheDecorations DecoratlOns Decorations remain St'lUonarj StlUonarj Stationary Stitionar ' I11 I11say I n nsay IIsay say the Pirty Puty Party Is a Flop rlop " In a secluded Apartment Apr\Ttment Apr Ttment \ where wherethe wherethe wheretlie the ladles ladies hid h'ld hld had ' stacked stncked their Wrapsa Wraps a "ell ell well " \ \ ell preserved Matron Matronas \\as as was \ \ as let lettIng lettang letting tIng tang off S Steim Steam Steim'I te'lm telm ' 'I I ' , I can remember , , " said she , when 'when ' the Wedding Breakfast W'lS WlS was W'lSa wasa wisa ' a sitdown affair whlchasted \ \ hichi hlc.h hlch . asted for forHours forHours forHours forHoursnd Hours fol1d and . -nd nd - all those presentwouldn present wouldn t thave thave thave have to cat anything nnytlllng for Days Da ) s c : ; and andDa andDays andDas Da Days ; s after It was "as as " all over Instead Insteadof Insteadof Insteadof of putting puttmg 'n n 'R R ' R S V p P'onthelotterCoiner PonthelotterCoiner ' on the lower lowerCoiner ] 0 " er erCOI COI Coiner ner of the in Incite In\lte In lte \ ite , they should shouldput shouldput shouldput put 'Cafeteria Cafeteria 'Cafetena Cafetena ' Senice Ser\Jce Ser Jce Seriice \ ' It If you youhaven youhaven youhaven haven t trained tramed for one of these theseAffalrs theseAffairs theseAffairs Affalrs Affairs the Chances are that by the thetime thetime thetime time sou you ou got to the Trough there therewlll therewill therewill wlll will be nothing left e except cept olives olivesThe olivesThe olivesThe The only ss-fe ss fe sf-fe sf srfe - - Plan Is to bring brlllg your yourown yourown yourown own Lunch or else elseear \\ear ear wear \ \ ear a Gymna Gymna- Gymnasium Gymnaslum Gymnasium - - sium slum Suit " " "Why Why " don't dont ' ' they change the theWording theWording theWording Wording ? ' ' she demanded ' Instead Insteadof Insteadof Insteadof of that antiquated Apple Sauce Sauceabout Sauceabout Sauceabout about staying on the Job until until'death until'death until'death untildeath 'death death ' do us pirt p'lrt plrt part ' , , , ' why not make ft it it'until ituntil . , 'until until ' w \ we \ e get fed up on Eich D1Ch Tch other'1 other1 other other.NO otherNO ' ? ' . , NO LEFTOVER"Lady LEFT-OVER LEFT OVER LEFTOVER"Lady - - "Lady Lady ULndy " , you put a whole Chapter ChapterInto Chapterinto Chapterinto Into t c . i . couple of Lines , " , , " slid s'lld slld said ' the thefirst thefirst thefirst first Matron "It It " seems only yes- yes yesterday yesterday yes yesterday - terday s " when "hen hen hen all the Folks Fol.g Folg ] , . on the theSideLines theSideLines tlieSide-Lines tlieSide Lines Side-Lines Side Lines - - were worried about the thelittle thelittle thelittle little Fawn who was going gomg to toemerge toemerge toemerge emerge from the Sheltered Life and andassume andassume andassume assume the large Responsibilities ResponslblllUes Itesponsibllitles of ofLife ofLife t tLife Life . . Nowadays the Fawn rawn Pawn Is j lit litas I Ktas t tas as timid as the Bengal Tiger ' * II lt it-has it has " - ' has looked up his Nobs In Dun HlJ/I HlJ I ilml HlJIBradstreet ilmlBradstreet amiBradstrcct / Bradstreet t.l1d tl1d rnd . ( .nd nd . she knows , to a aNicke aNickel aNickel Nicke Nickel ] , what she can shake out ot of othIm ofhim ofhim hIm every Year . . She Is stage- stage stagemanaging stagemanaging stage-managing stage managing - - - managing the whole Spectacle and andthe andthe andthe the parents are taking Orders It If Itshe Ifshe Ifshe she seems Nervous it is because she sheis sheIs sheis is wondering "onderlng onderlng " It 1f her Picture w111 will w111show willshow willshow show up all right in the Papers . . . I Ican Ican Ican can even remember when the Brides Bridesused Bridesused Bridesused used to fr.1nt fr1nt front f . .lnt lnt . . . . All AIJ that is out Nowadays No\\- No Now- Now Noadays Now Nowadays \ \ - adays the Groom is the only one onewho onewho onewho who looks 100.5 1005 ] , . as If it he nee needed ed a aTrained aTrained aTrained Trained Nurse " 'Did Did ' * Did you i ou hear about the Secret SecretBallot SecretBallot SecretBallot Ballot taken at a School for Girls Girlslast Girlslast Girlslast last Month ? ' asked ashed her lien friend 'Itseems Itseems ' It Itseems Itseems seems that each of the Graduates Graduateswas Graduateswas Graduateswas was given a Questionnaire , In which whichoccurred whichoccurred whichoccurred occurred tho the Query , 'Would Would ' you youMarry youMarry youMarry Marry just for Money ? ' Tho The ne- ne Re- Re neturns Returns Re Returns - - turns showed that 99 9D per cent or of orthe ofthe ofthe the Sweet loung Things Tlltngs answered answered'You answered'You answered'You answeredYou 'You You ' know it It . . * ' "When When "lVben lVben " I married my Abner , I Iknew Iknew Iknew knew that he had put his Roll nolI Into Intothe Intothe Intothe the $14 14 $ Spark Diamond and o\\'ed o 'ed ed owed o'edfor owedfor o\vcdfor o vcdfor \ \ ' for the Suit inhlch in \ which \\hlch hlch \ he stood up upbut upbut upbut but I took a Chance because becauce ; I feltthat felt feltthat feltthat that his love for me \ was \ n ; such that thathe thathe thathe he could go out . r'nd rnd t.l1d tl1d and . ' get anything anythingnot ani nOj tIling tIlingnot thingnot not spiked down do\\n do n \ We ro rode c away In Inn Ina ina n a . Hired llired Hack llack and took a Day Conch Coach Conchto Coachto Coachto to SprIng11eldhere Springfield SprIng11eld \ where \here here . , we "e e " saw the theCapitol theCapitol theCapitol Capitol Building BuIJding and the first Elec Blec- Blec Blectric Elec- Elec Electric Electric - - tric lights When I go to a WeddIng WeddIngnow Weddingnow Weddingnow now I heir hC'lr hClr hear ' everybody crerybody as"ing asing asking asking'Which askingWhich ] " , .Whlch Whlch 'Which Which ' . one of them has the CoIn CoInU CoInIt Coin"It CoinIt U " It seettis seem'f seemf seems ' to be taken for tor grr.l1led grrl1led grunted gruntedthat grr.l1ledthat grantedtliat . that Nobody NolJol1y will w1J1 tackle Mitrimon l\htrimon l htrimon Matrimony Matrimonyunless \ Mitrimonnnlcs'3 nnlcs'3 nnlcs3 nnIes'3 nnIes3 unless ' ' there tbuc these Is enough of or a Sinling Sinlingl"und Sinl ing ingI'und IngFund l"und lund I'und Iund " ' 10 to take c caie cane ue of or the Overhead Orerhead " . In trie tile the meintimo me'lnUme melnUme meantime ' the Catcicr CatCJcr Caterer W'lS WlS was waspacking W'lSpackJ1J wispacking ' packJ1J packing up and nnd lie he was hoard heard to tell tellone tellone tellone one Qfhe of Qf \ the \he he Colored BOJs Boss Bo s that thnt |
