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Show _ IIITLf II IIBy . L DustL , _ Desert By Johnston Jolmston JohnstonIt Dust ] " ' It seems that tha.t . v . when hen a man becomes becomesvice becomesvice becomesvice vice president , he goes mute You Youhaven't Youhaven't Youhaven't Youhavent haven't havent ' heard a .a . , chirp out of Jack JackGarner JackGarner JackGarner Of Ofcourse Ofcourse Ofcourse Garner since the inauguration In\uguration In uguration in'iuguration iniuguration ' \ ' course it would knock knoek the air out ofanyone ofany of of the thehouse thehouse thehouse anyone any one to drop from speakci speakel speaker house to W squeaker ueaker of the senate sen'1te sen1te ' But ButI Butyou Butyou Butyou you take Charlie Curtis for iru.tance irutance Instance iru.tanceI iru.tanceBefore InstanceBefore instanceBefore . I I Before he \ was Ras as elected to the vice vicepresidency vicepresidency vicepresidency presidency he made more noise than thana a weancr weaner burro in a tin barn , . but butafter butafter butafter after the inauguration m'1uguratlon m1uguratlon inluguration ' he became M as Msilent assilent assilent silent as a wooden v.ooden vooden . Indian I don dontknow t tknow tknow know \ why hy , but they all get that way wayWe wayWe wayWe We hope and pray for the day when whenSenator whenSenator whenSsnator Senator Huey P Long is elected to the thevice thevice thevice . vice presidencyJust presidency presidencyJust Just suppose th that th'tt thtt ' it the interstatecommerce interstate interstatecommerce interstatecommerce commerce commission gets overhauled overhauledtin overhauledtill overhauledtill tin till it is made to fit And the admin admin- adminlstration admin- admin administration administration - - istration lstration goes radical enough to toabolIsh toabolish toabolish abolIsh the f ' firm f'lml flml irni board , with those thosescventyfivethousanddollarayear thoseseventyfivethousanddollarayear thosescventy-flve-thousand-dollar-a-year thosescventy flve thousand dollar a year scventy-five-thousand-dollar-a-year scventy five thousand dollar a year seventy-five-thousand-dollar-a-year seventy - - - - - - - of- of officials officials of officials - ficials Then the railroads come comeunder comeunder comeunder under - - government go\crnment go crnment \ operation operation an and pr pri- pri pri - ! - - vit vate O\ O Olship ovvneiship owneiship \ lship , , with with tliose those one-hund- one hund onehundreda onehundreda one-hund-red-a one hund red a - - - red-a red a - n d-twenty-five-thousand-dollar- d twenty five thousand dollar dtwentyfivethousanddollarayear d'twenty-fiv d'twenty dtwenty fiv d-twenty-fn d twenty fn ' - - e-thousand-doIIar- e thousand doIIar ethousanddoIIarayear e-thousand-dollar-a-year e thousand dollar a year - - - a-year a year - - executives cut off You haven t theard theard theard heard any squawks y vet et Those boy boys boyswill boyswill . wm will willuawk "uawk uawk --uawk " - " ' - sa s JOU you ou can hear 'cmP 'cm cm 'em em 'cmr ' r P ances antes Perkins Perl.1ns Perl1ns . , secretary of labor laborSAys , says 51YS ' . that she is going gomg to give glve her de- de deI department de department - - I partment a general overhauling Most MostI Mosteveryone Mosteveryone veryone everyone will agree it needs it MISS MISSPelkins MissPeikins MissPei I Pelkins Peikins kins is no different from most any anyother anyother anyother other woman She is just going to todemand todemand todemand demand that she ha hai have , e a her w \ way ay about aboutthings aboutthings aboutthings aboutthingsA things thingsA A great gre\t gre t gre'it greit ' \ ' many people you meet tell tellyou telliou you ou what Piesident Plesident President Roosevelt is gomg going gomgto goingto goingto to do Thel Theie e is 15 one thing thmg that it does doesnot doesnot doesnot not look as though he will do And Andthat Andthat Andthat that is , pull a good man off the Job yob Jobjust yobjust jobjust just to slip in m a Democrat Then there thereis thereis thereis is another thing that he may do , if he hegets hegets hegets gets a little llttle encouragment from the theCanadian theCanadian theCanadian Canadian side He may kick many a ahole ahole ahole hole in the tariff v . wall all that took his hispredecessors hispredecessors hispredecessors predecessors twelve years to buildWhy build bUlld buildWhy Why , of ot course you can get pleas- pleas pleasantly pleasantly pleas-anily pleas anily - antly lit ht on :1 1 : 32 2 per cent beer The Themore Themore Themore more you drink the larger your capac capac- capacity capacity capacity - ity and the greater the revenue You Youknow Youknow Youknow know the government is supposed to toget toget toget get as big a kick kiclt , out of ot . it as you do doSuppose doSuppose doSuppose Suppose you do get drunk on it ? It's Its It'snot It'snot It'snot Itsnot ' not intoxicating Why ? " ' * Because the thegovernment thegovernment thegovernment government says it's its ' not That settles settlesthat settlesthat settlesthat that It is " is"nodntoxicating isnodntoxicating lsnot:1ntoxicating lsnot1ntoxicating " riot : : : Yntoxicating , , so what's whats what'sthe what'sthe what'sthe whatsthe ' the use arguing argumf rgm i iabout about itIt itIt it itIt It is hard to believe it but it is true trueIt trueIt trueIt It has taken fourteen st states tes fifteen fifteenyears fifteenyears fifteenyears years to find out that you ou can't cant ' successfully suc- suc successfully suc successfully - cessfully dunk a pretzel in a .a . glass of ofsoda ofsoda ofsoda soda water . And it is a question questionwhether questionwhether "hether hether whether " or not the other thirty-four thirty four thirtyfourWlll thirtyfourwill thirty-fourwill thirty fourwill - Wlll will ever find it outChamberlain outChamberlain out outChamberlain Chamberlain , chancellor of the Brit Brit- British Brit- Brit British British - - ish Exchequer , says that Brlt Britain in s scredit scredit scredit credit has become so good that it lt is isalmost isalmost isalmost almost embarrassing Well , all coun coun- countnes coun- coun countries countries - - tries tnes are aboutequal about - equal -equal in lD that respect respectlour respectOur respectOur lour Our credit is so good it is almosL almost almosLpltiful almostpitiful almostpitiful almostpitifulDid pltiful pitiful pltifulDid pitifulDid Did you hear the latesf latest latest9 ? Helen is ismarrymg ismarrying ismarrying marrymg marrying her X-ray X ray - specialist Well Wellshe , she is lS lucky , no one else could ever see seeanythmg seeanything seeanything anythmg anything in herWe herWe her herWe We are all in the same fix the little littleboy littleboy littleboy boy was that the pet goat knocked knockeddown knockeddown knockeddown down ' ' What did you do ? " ? ' Didn Dldn t you youdo youdo youdo do anything9 anythmg anythmg9 ? ' ' demanded his mother mother"I mother"I mother"I motherI "I I " " didn't didnt ' do nothin nothm ' . I couldn't couldnt ' do donotlun donothin donothin notlun nothin ' , I had to put in all my time timetryJn timetryln timetryin tryJn tryln ' to g-ifc g ifc git - up " protested the boyVamsh boyVanish boy boyVanish Vanish Vamsh thy fears Shouts of freedom freedomI freedomWlll freedomwill freedomwill I Wlll will resound throughout the hallswhich hallswhich halls hallswhich which once were filled fllled \ with ith the sighs sighsand sighsand sighsLand and groans of despair |