Show I T Tonic oniC f for or T Tired Ife d Business Men By BOB SO SONNETS TS OF OP THE B The B-The The Foreman Press Boom Room The They all keep losing time until tho the crash cruh Of or pressroom makes It all up In the final dash 0 Tho The foreman In all cases has to swing The t paper to the street in time to wing The trains that lUng fling It In the tho pouch Oer O'er station platforms where the agents crouch Waiting to pick up news of or the great world Unknown t td to those far tar places till un quick hurled hurle-d The latest ink news filled sheet Tells them o of politics of or drought and he heat t. t Ho lie holds the lever read ready nerves all taut While the old clock marks time Th pap papers paper's caught AU All read ready Let cr er go got gal I The wheels turn slow slow low Then soon the great news nes tide b begins to low flow ONE ON HER The TIe Ne New York World gets gette off of the fol following rol- rol lowing good one at the expense of or modem modern modern mod mod- em ern mermaids mermaid Mabel do you know how to swim Swim Vh Why I never heard of or that step stop CAMPAIGN AIGN PLEDGE V WANTED ANTED What do the suffragettes think of ot the Bowdle Dowdle bill which would impose an annual annual an an- nual tax of 25 per vcr cent on the Income of or any American heiress who marries a titled tilled foreigner a asked ked the Wheel heel l Horse at the Party toda today Ladles dont don't all alt speak simultaneously I NIX uNIX ON DE ROUGH STUFF Quit on Mexico Aint sho she got gotto gotto gotto to get a new president soon I RETRIBUTION But wh why did you ou give me a a. plugged quarter sir str demanded the wa waiter Well wasn't th thO soup HOUp doped Z queried the Famished Guest CONSERVATIVE When my ship comes In Ill I'll know she's fa safe r For I aint no no deep dee sea fool tool For 1 i bought a canal boat bont when I sailed called And I ride the towpath ton mule NOT GUILTY I That t strike of the tall ban players players' organIzation organization organ organ- was WAH one of or the strikes the umpires um urn- pires did not call can You cant can't blamo blame U. U R. R Out for or that CORN ON THE EAR Oh Oh were we're all getting ready for or tho the great big bl feed And we were re all looking happy as the boys bos give heed To the news that's breaking on the corn crops crop's size And w well we'll lJ all cat at steady till it hits our eyes And well we'll hand the medal for the greatest t strength To the man who eats cats th them m to his own full length NO NATURE Min Many a politician seeking to get a ro- ro nomination to office would like to get a hunch from tho the humble mosquito as to how that plucky bird gets Into a Q house houe that's fly 11 screened d from filter to flower bed DE DE SUN DO MOVE MOVE Wonder what hat old General Taylor Fighting Zachary would think of this Mexican war with the nit naval navai val equipment Including Including- monster with Ith guns that th would have hl picked his toys up out of oC tho water and spanked em om hull down on tho the horizon and with wireless to speak peak back homo home und and rapid Ire death dealers that poured a steady stream of or lead Into tho opposition What would th old man do I If he saw nil these new tan I things s BIG CREDIT HOUSE HOUSEAs I As ho he entered thom them dim portals a jo Joyous Joy joy- ous oils voice oleo acclaimed to his cauliflower car Yer moneys money's no good hero herd I Whore Thore was' was he In he-In In a palace No No In Jail jan CAUSE AND EFFECT Book They Dook-They They say Mushy Stuff grinds out outa a novel every er month Worm They Worm They read like liko It NEW w SCHEDULE NEEDED EDED What hat the country really reany wants to see Is a NEW Maven Haven NEEDED A SIEVE Well ven Cy what do you OU think of or our show last ast night Inquired tho the genial manager of Flossy of tho the Ribbon I Counter drama Wall all I think ono one o o. o thorn th cu- cu gonic feller orter have havo helped on the th chorus replied tho the prominent citizen of Ule Rueben meT HIST A DOODLE The telegraph editor sent flent In this con con- which Is a classic classic- Nothing excites our ordinary calm as Its I much as os a prospective French du duel I Looks like Ilko were we're going to have another one So give us elbow room while wo we make the tho necessary preparations M Maitre Chenu has said some har harsh h things about M. M Caillaux during tho the trial of ot the tho latter's wife for one one- of ot our sot set set-Me M. M of or the Fi Fl- Fl garo Just the same Bam we dont don't sympathize sympathize with Editor any too much He was too serious If It he ho had stuck to his Tired Tonic he would be bo among the quick that's that the existent and ho could have enjoyed the merr merry game of or dodging tho bill collector along with the rest reet of us But returning to the subject of French doodles not poodles wo we prefer to call these those bloodless things soft sort names lets let's get gel bus busy with tho plans This one must needs neros be a a. hot affair M. M r r. r Maitre Chenu has hns accepted tho the entire en- en tire tiro per personal onal responsibility for certain re remarks remarks re- re marks and that means responsibility for protecting his cuticle We e can imagine no more beautiful sight Fight than the tho Chantilly Chan- Chan tIll tilly forest In tho the dead of night rather tho the birth of or dawn dan The principals stand fearlessly with bared wrist t. t ready to valiantly vat val suffer Buffer a a. slap Iap thereon Oab Gaby Deslys shall dance the grizzy hear bear and Io Le LeComte Comte de Monto shall recite that classic epic The Bat Edmond Rostand Roa- Roa tand can be In charge charo of or the chicken squad and do lila his Chanticleer morning crow Hand Handy and on the minute M. M Brieux his hla r Br-r-r-r pronouncing name all the more cause Its It's cold on French mornings shall havo have a n eugenic squad to prevent any septic contagion nut But tho the weapons I Dont Don't go awa away until we d describe tho the wee pons as Rh Rhyolite Rhy- Rhy olite Bill BUI would say bay The principals shall mark oft off at twenty paces and fire cream puffs Six ounce or 0 eclairs are barred UP Coats a buttons pop Straw hats busted gallus drop Huerta U. U S S. Nix This is only politics CALL LONG DISTANCE The Cleveland Plain Dealer says Bulls killed kUld a couple of or their tormentors In the Madrid bull hull ring Sunda Sunday Dull Bully for or the bulls Well the they should ha have hae e tied lied their bull outside WIN VIN THE RAG BAG SURE SUItE I Now Kow that th the strike of or tho the Players Plants Brotherhood has broken out the National and American leagues leagueR stars threaten n to walk out wo we know wb why Pocatello would not stand for having tho the Murray team passed over o to t lem says the telegraph editor They will Wm pick out the following lineup for or their next years year's Union association asso aERO elation team and will ill they win tho the gonfalon gonfalon gonfalon gon gon- falon Will WIIl the tho they Well ell read youth and dra draw your our own on conclusion Ti Tvr coon Cobb left field Trill Tris Speaker peR ker center Joe Too Jackson right Homo home Baker Balcer third base bue Ello Eddie Collins second secondi Hal Chase lit lit-at t Hans Wagner shortstop Lapp Meyers l catchers Wal Val tel ter Johnson Mathewson Plank Bender Marquard pitchers WRONG AGAIN No xo vote no rents all right Miss But Dut who gives es a whoop about when th thO landlord fires you out 7 ORDERED BY A BRIDE Maam heres here's a a. man at the door with witha a parcel for you What Is IK It Bridget Its a Q lieu maam ma'am and Its It's marked C. C 0 O. D D. Then make thc tho man take tako It straight ht back to the dealer I ordered trout Kansas City Star THE TOO CALM PUBLIC PUBLIO Senator La I Folletto was waR talking about corruption Tho The public Is to blame for tor this corruption corruption tion he said Mid The public accept accepts tho the corruption In politics and finance too calmly The Tho public P In fact reminds mo mc moIn moIn In this connection of the tho old lad lady An old lady sat pat knitting In iii her armchair armchair arm arm- chair when a young oun girl Irl burst In on her Oh grandma sh shi said paid father has Just jut fallen rallen oft off the tho roof I know my child the old lad lady answered answered an an- placidly I saw caw him pass the tile window window win win- dow Philadelphia Bulletin BLAMED STRANGE Aint It strange e commented the In Injured Injured In- In Part Party wiping ot off his coat looking at his torn pant pants pants' leg and trying ting to bulge his straw hat Into shape a again aln co so that he could walk as far Car as tho nur nearest cigar store without being arrested Aint it strange that a chap on the vaudeville circuit circuit cir cit cult can get round ones every evor year for doing that little turn and that when I do it It costs mo me Just for tor a 0 new hat GIMIE GIl AN AUTO HARP PETE Tho The inventor of or pianos auto Is If dead Well ell hero's heros betting the harp auto-harp is II In I fashion on the tho Streets of Gold now TOO CHROME Times change comments comment the Philadelphia Phila I delphia Bulletin We can cnn remember when it was swagger ger to show gold tooth But It was never ne proper to show a yellow streak SOME CLASSY SPEED I The great race will ill not be bet between eln I American and British yachts but bet between mortgage on tho the home homp and the gat gasoline I bill of or the tho thee Average e de Citizen GOOD FOR NERVES My oJ modest friend expostulated the Good Fellow what you ou need for your our nerves is to bu buy an nn automobile Then I you ou can cnn toot your our own horn SAVE PROPERTY NOT LIFE The Tho Washington Star says f-ays that Newport's Newport's New New- ports port's policemen's habit of or standing in front of the camera when Bocie society Is photographed may be re resented sonic some time But possibly it Is 11 to save gave the lens PASS THE EATS Ever Everybody I Is asking now After Arter Huer- Huer ta what t Well ell the chile con carne earns market doesn't seem to give Rive a a. whoop LOOK LOOE AGAIN Why in the name namo of or art do they call that awkward pose poso so stylish nowadays the Venus Ventis slouch Venus Vonus was no slouch Blouch m my bo boy GOOD WORK Says Sag tho the Nashville Banner Danner Lets start It right Its It's Car ba ON VACATION O 0 The newspaper readers reader's a happy man manThe manThe manThe The The happiest man you ou ever aver saw row For no longer his tired eyes will have to scan can The Tho news of or Miss lies Nesbit and Harry Ham Thaw MORE TO THE POINT The Tue Milwaukee Journal I banters rs Its readers saying that probably most of o or them cant can't remember what the street ca car conductor looked like hike on their car r this morning That's not the question Dill DId that tha t keen eyed eed gentleman reco recognize th the theold theold old tran transfer you OU handed him |