Show I WHY GROW OLD j I i By Helen Rowland Where is W Why there she Is my dear dea I The scintillating slender person in inthe inthe In Inthe the plum colored frock with the very very short skirt And the chic little flowered toque above her fluffy flurry auburn hair hairs No that Isn't a chest protector she is wearing its it's a bunch of orchIds from her latest admirer And that Is not a burning brand in her hand its it's her tipped gold-tipped cigarette cigarette cigar cigar- ette ette- ette The kind she always used you know scented and monogrammed And that haunting perfume that clings about her is not the aroma of peppermints and cough syrup It Is ia the i f fragrance of imported Bouquet dArmour at 4 an ounce That is today toda today She is trying to keep up with Grand Grand- papa papa and and Jolly joUy well succeeding Oh yes That is the four-flush four of youth upon her delicate pink cheeks And th those se dainty little French sUppers slippers slippers slip sUp pers are a size too small for her And nobody remembers rs the original color of her hair And of course she ought to be wearIng wearing wearing wear wear- ing black bombazine and bonnets tied under her chin And carrying lozenges in her pocket and nd complaining about her rheumatism rheumatism rheumatism and losing her spectacles and nagging her children and spoiling her grandchildren But nevertheless I Heaven bless Heaven bless her for not torturing us with daily accounts of f her aches I and illnesses Or incessantly reminding us that she has bas lived l longer nger than we have And hence can tell us Just how everything ought to be done From bringing up tUP our own children to managing our husbands Heaven bless her for tor not nagging us about the about the touch of rouge we put on our ur faces And the sin of soaking ourselves in sachet And the shocking immodesty of ou our cue modern evening gowns Heaven bless her for enjoying her lier little game of bridge And nd all her other little pastimes and frivolities And permitting US US' to enjoy ours Inthe in inthe inthe the meantime meantime Heaven bless her for tor banting and dieting and ke keeping her figure and her digestion in trim Instead of settling down by the fireside fireside fire fire- side and cultivating dyspepsia and elephantiasis Heaven bless her for being a a. good sport and attending to her own budness business business busi bud ness ness And filling her life so full of ot work and study and dancing and clubs and tea parties yes parties yes and flirtations That we who are in the glow of the 1 morning of life Can go happily on our free care-free way without the black o 01 Grannys Granny's disapproval forever darkening our horizon Heaven bless her for her fads and her pretty clothes and her massage and her mental science and her eternal youth And her determination never to grow old d' d 5 1 I Never Never never to pe permit lt her Illusions to fade or her heart to dry up or her arteries to ossify ossify ossify- Never never to die at the top Yes Heaven bless bless bless' for a brick and a n. thorough thoroughbred red Growing old Is stupid and essary It Isn't being done now It went out of fashion with hoop hoop- skirts and pomade and sideburns Heaven bless for refusing refusing re t fusing to be a Granny Copyright InS 1918 by the Press Publishing Co the New York Evening World orl 1 |