Show HEAR YE VE HEAR HEM IE VE Y HEAR Y VE OLDfiELD IS ON TIlE TUE mm WATER WAGON o. o It If ther is one writer In the world who ho knows Barney B his hb moods and habits It is Charlie Van an Loan th tire the champ champion cham charn- p pion on long distance humorist and sporting writer for the tire Hearst lIet syndicate Van an broko broke Into the tire newspaper game frame about the the- same time that Barney Barne began his career career career ca ca- ca- ca reer of destroying good fences around highly res respectable ct blo race tracks and the tho two became fast friends That fast goes goe two to ways Here Bore is a a. sloT story hot off the Van Lo Loin n griddle bearing bearin a New ew York date line Announcement I Hear ye c Hear ye yel cI Hear Henr y ye Bame Barney Oldfield Is on the tire water lter wagon No o longer can tIm the peddlers of or the grape grap point with pride to the most daring daring- lS sub subject b- b In the realm and say Look ook how h he lie files flies to it and still his nerve nervo Is hi good I It came about this way vay The night that the news filtered across J the wires Ires that Ad Wolgast had whaled Bat Nelson Barne Barnex collected a wash ash basket full of coin lIe He had played Wolgast an ns a moral and got s-ot two and Md three to one for tor his money By 10 o'clock that night he hc had hader over er every bar- bar tender In ln Hot Springs rubbing his wrist I with Mustang liniment to relieve the soreness sore sore- ness caused b by te teasing the corks out of ot cold quarts S Then somebody started something They The I transformed the grill room of ot the Arting- Arting l. l ton on into an abattoir and It took four hours jours to sew Barneys Barney's scalp back on hl his hi J head held Th Tho other fellow had a slight aUght dent on his tile left cheek chee When Barney saw the other gladiator he took the pledge f Ive Got to Quit Ive e got s-ot pot to quit ald aid the speed kin king Its It's only a matter ml of or time when in my InY cups I will lick some poor poOl devil so badly that he will die and then they will han hank hang m me v So Barney climbed Uti upon on the wagon and sat eat down b the chauffeur For years yean and years Barney has hM been famous for tor his hI habit of giving battle to strangers and I like Harry Pollok Pouch he has yet ct to win his hi I first decision The man who hiss has carried awo away more fence tenc wrapped around his hi f neck and ripped out more steering wheels wheel than an any human being in the world umI usually um- um ally receives es his trimmings from front a lI man man I ab about ut eleven en hand hands high and flat stat ches cheated ed at that 7 1 So Barney has hIlS reformed for on one year Car The news will bring sorrow orro to certain quarters abroad f where they make a a. business busi busl ness flea of Imprisoning the laughter of th the peasant girls of France Franc Somehow they n never nc tr managed to cork up an any laughter for the tho Honorable Barney When they got KOt the tire cork Jammed home on the stuff which he hc bought there was always alwa's a lot tot lotof lotof of tro trouble In the bottle The peasant I girls of or the section where they ther- bottled I up Barneys Barney's favorite vinegar must h have be hen been n a a. quarrelsome bunch Goes to Bed at Nine When hen Battling got hl his hi 8 scalp w ell ll plastered on on he went over to Daytona Day Day- lona tona beach bench with new iris benzine shadow wagon s-agon and er e every night when Barney Barne heard rd the 9 o'clock curfew b bell 11 he Ire backed up suddenly and went to bed Can you OU Imagine Barney Old Held going to bed at 9 o'clock I can but It would be 9 In the tIre morning S The They tell ten me that ever every morning before daylight tho the speed merchant was wu out of ot th th tho ha hay dressed In overalls o and armel armet with monkey wrenches and things to for forthe the tuning up of ot his racing car It has hasen been en a lon long time since th the Honorable Honora-ble Oldfield Oldfield Old Old- S field soiled his Iris powerful mitts with an an On oily monkey wrench but th the training must have ha dono done him good for tor he set let letsome some ne new worlds world's records at Daytona Datona and andI now has the distinction of driving the I fastest mile ever e spun behind an auto auto- mobile He Is so fast now that they time him in hundredths of a second which Is 8 going a few w But Mr Ir Oldfield has ree tee Hooray Hooray Hoo Boo ray I No more will wili ho wigwag the headwaiter headwaiter head waiter to bring out a fe few that have been nestled up against the ammonia pipe No longer will he ho take the newspaper men riding In order to show them how e easy y yIt It Is la to tn shave the tho fender off an nn electric car cat No o more will he lose decisions to total strangers He has reformed Bill Pickens says says' so and Bill Bm never told a awell a- a well hardly ever er If It Bill had cut down that cherry tree he would have made th the theold old man man- believe a beaver did It and It Is even cven money that he would have e produced th the bea beavers bears rs r's affidavit In evidence If It Barney falls taUs ort oft tho the wagon before this gets Into print It does doe not go Gentlemen Gentle Gentle- I men put on one hoof on the table and drinka drink Io i ia a o little litHe still water to th the tho l peerless fearless s and Oldfield Lon Long may mav he wave wa |