Show I t Ii s Baer-s I ilia With Bugs like lile Chinese proclamation Down in HE wor works s are upside down a T THE Washington which is the Presidents President's home when hes he's home a swarm of Boy Scoots busted up a suffragette convention In the old days when razor strops were sometimes used sed on razors little boys were supposed to be scenery and not heard It would make grandmas grandma's knitting needles click in their mausoleum if she could have tossed her nearsighted lamps on a school of minnow sized Boy Scoots putting the dampers on a suffragette meeting They didn't have Boy Scoots when grandma was a a. flapper In her day IiI boys were something that you aimed soap at I If you are going to get technical they didn't have any suffragettes either when was a salamander In those days no lady chewed tobacco in public A wife's place was with the husband Her own if pos pos- sible No lady would vote the straight Republican ticket because she knew the Republicans weren't straight As for the Democrats If a lady saw one coming by she would hide her features in a kettle of suds until he was hull down on the horizon S S S ST HIS fighting business with the ounce eight mittens is something else T THIS that would have staked the old Jane to a HL pain hU in the bonnet L' L J 1 In her time was na 11 was over uvo tue S next morning by the Judge In the Court of Domestic Relations I I If rattled home with one shoulder higher than the other and his feet walking in two different directions would burnish up upI I his back collar button with a three pound rolling pin The old turkey I might try to wrap the violets on the parlor lamp around her neck for a bouquet But those battles were strictly amateur Folks didn't grab off for throwing knuckles at each other S C S SF was legal in those days because the neighborhood cop knew F FIGHTING wiser than to to horn into a family shindig But folks didn't battle out In a ring before a lot of strangers People fought in the house like IlIe gentlemen If a man thought he was a better man than some other sapp they would jump on each others other's hats while their he heads ds were still Inside of em cm click their heels together and wade in When It got too deep to wade they would swim First they would change the boundary lines on each others other's maps kick each others other's shins into Japanese toothpicks and knock one one another's teeth so far and wide that travelers still use em for milestones on the Boston road From there they would gradually work up to the climax After each man had enough their widows would add three acts to that little prologue and make it a real show But now Sweet biscuits A nowadays s 's fighter makes a prima donna look like a A modern battler Is a canary in an eagles eagle's nest They wont won't fight unless they grab all the velvet In the works And then they wont When they signed the articles in the old days the fight managers would open enough champagne to swim across The Dempsey Willard-Dempsey articles were signed on the Weehawken ferry boat C S S SA LL kinds of boxing are Illegal in New York Only Fred Fulton's kind kindis A ALL is Illegal In New Jersey So the mob absconded to New Jersey on onboard onboard board the Weehawken canal boat The contract calling for the box box- fighters to absorb was signed at a cost of 3 cents a head The gang didn't leave the ferry boat Which saved the three megs return fine S S S SN OW OV that the articles are all thumbed up and the lads are to knuckle N their way into over one hundred thousand dollars dollars' worth of plunder nothing remains but to spend the next five months getting em into S the ring for about five minutes S The ounce eight gloved soft shoed scuffle will take place on July Fourth S For Dempsey and Willard Villard July Fourth will be Financial Independence I Day |