Show Assignment America Typewriter Tractor Till Bromfield Farm By Inex Robb MALABAR FARM Lucas 0 O. Jan 10 INS INS Any Any resemblance between this and any other farm farmin in America is C p pur purely u r e ly F dental To the best of 6 1 knowledge my N Nf 1 f this is t the e only acreage age in the nation farmed to the limit with both typewriter and tractor t r act 0 r. r Louis Bromfield the master o of Inez Robb Malabar may not nol have invented diversified farming I but he has added the typewriter I to its implements I It is true that cows are arc milked beef fattened chickens fed and furrows plowed at Malabar But it itis itis itis is equally true that the cash ash crop cropas as often as not includes a best bestseller bestseller bestseller seller hymning the beauties of nature nature nature na na- na- na ture and the bounties of the good Ohio earth Two best sellers Pleasant Val Val- ley Icy and Malabar Farm also have limned the Joys of the simple life with ith such rustic guests guest as Ina ma InaClaire InaClaire maClaire Claire Humphrey Bogart Laur Lauran to Bacall Mrs James A. A Farley innumerable innumerable in innumerable in- in numerable men of distinction a aleast at least they all aU drank whisky ant and ladies with coronets on their shifts Runs Run Close Second In fact Malabar runs Time square a close second as the crossroads crossroads crossroads cross cross- roads of the world Out of sheer habit the thc station wagon meets althe aUthe al aU the trains It shuttled to and fro day after day with the of Broadway Hollywood Park ave Paris London Johannesburg Calcutta and way points Thoughtless persons reading 01 of this constant ebb and flow ol of oC have been known to say The poor How do they stand it Nonsense As a seasoned guest at Malabar I ask in all conscience How do we we the the guests stand guests stanc it As loaders free-loaders and star- star boarders we wc have been literary fodder lodder long enough for the thc five mother mother father and three daughters Time to Get in Word ord It I Is high time one of us got a a. word in edgewise a well nigh impossible impossible impossible im im- possible task at Malabar when all the are arc In good voice and full fun cry This is a household of rugged individualists in which a timid guest who operates under an Emily Post license wouldn't survive 24 hours Guests who hope to hold their own must be resilient resourceful resourceful resourceful re re- re- re uninhibited and inured to hardship It is probably difficult at first glance to associate hardship with witha a room 20 farmhouse in which luxury luxury luxury lux lux- ury is a in built feature and in which the food beds and hospitality hospital hospital- ity are superb But the unwary guest i is apt to tobe tobe tobe be trapped into going over each and every everyone one of his 1000 acres with Mr B. B as he is known in these parts arts Most innocent city slickers think hink of Ohio as a flat state Noth- Noth Nothing Nothing ing ng could be more erroneous Filled With ith Hazards At least Mr B. B Bs B's section is filled w with th sharp hills steep canyons water hazards wire barb-wire entanglements entanglements entangle entangle- ments and pastures filled with malevolent cows The tour has long since become known as the commando course and is believed to be the one copied by y the marine corps corp for Its training training train- train ing ng in jungle warfare The first first and and only time only time I 1 was ever dragged into this grand tour I was rolling under the barbwire barbwire barb- barb wire fence when Mr B B. looked at atme atme atme me reproachfully and said that Colleen Moore had worn a sable coat when she poor dupe had set setout setout setout out to see the farm I pointed out that I had just given my best Goodman dress to the cause and anyway it vas was August But he was not mol- mol When I finally staggered back to the house a piteous and tattered altered object Mr B B. B bitterly complained to Mary the wife to whom his guests look for consolation consolation consola- consola tion ion and strength that I was not the he dressy type and had lowered the he tone of the whole tour Word ord for Unwary One more word about the tour for or the unwary There lurks in one pasture a trick horse trained to o nudge on laggard exhausted ted guests Occasionally if both ladies and md gentlemen are in the party the he former are arc apt to wax indignant indignant indignant indig indig- nant at such nudging since the horse is a sly creature trained to slip lip up on his victim unawares I was a guest at Malabar one golden day when one of Hollywoods Hollywood's Hollywoods Hollywood's Holly- Holly woods wood's more glamorous stars returned returned re- re turned from the tour more dead than ban alive Maddened by the commando course the heat the brambles and finally the nudging she he had turned in fury to slap theman the theman theman man who struggled in the rear Only imagine my embarrassment embarrassment embarrass embarrass- ment she cried as she burst into tears ears to find myself slapping an innocent hor horse e |