Show Pitching Horseshoes Swami Superstition Root Of Domestic Difficulties By Billy Rose The other night I clinked coffee cups with an actor who recently returned from Hollywood Hes He's not much of a talent but he has one of the best leers in s show 11 0 w and isto f business is always in demand te- te mand to P play lay the r I villain in shoot- shoot vi viem 4 em ups em ups and whodunits who who- In p r i- i vate ate life hes he's a sweetie pie sweetie a and n d wouldn't hurt an agent Billy Rose The night we met his expression expression sion was more Bette Davis than Bela Lugosi the matter I flipped You look as if you'd lost your last fiend Please said the menace about town Are you having wife trouble 7 I sure-guessed sure The actor nodded Tell Ten papa I said On a columnists columnist's columnists columnist's columnists columnist's col col- col- col word of honor Ill I'll keep your secret Audience Tempts TaleThe Tale TaleThe TaleThe The actor bit his lip but an audience of even one was more than he could resist My y troubles troubles troubles trou trou- bles he began stem from a swam swami i. i Swami river I joked bad Swami AH AU Ben Ash Ashl I said m my Y friend Hes head of the Temple of New Truth located in downtown Los Angeles Did the swami make a pass at your wife or vice versa 1 I 1 asked Let me give it to you in sequence sequence se se- se quence said the actor Shortly after I got to Hollywood I met a girl She was a member of the swamis sect and a believer in its teachings When I proposed marriage marriage marriage mar mar- she accepted on condition that the wedding take place In the temple As Durante used to say I was in no mood to dicker At the ceremony ceremony ceremony cere cere- mony Ali AU Ben Ashl Ashi painted the symbol of Om on our foreheads consecrated us to the Jewel in the Lotus and gave us a small vial of colorless liquid He assured us that as long longas as aa we were faithful the liquid would remain clear But if either of us cheated it would turn black as ink Did you believe this jumbo 1 I asked Of course not said the actor but to please my wife I kept the vial on the mantelpiece as i a symbol of our love Jove One day last month my wife told me she was going to Pasadena to spend the night with her mother other wasn wasn't t f feeling well That night I had some of the boys from the studio in for a game of ot seven-card seven stud One of the gang noticed the vial and asked me about it I repeated repeated repeated re re- re- re what the Swami had told me Switched Snitched Colors While I was in the kitchen mixing mIxing mixing mix mIx- ing the drinks the boys decided to have a little fun They emptied the vial and filled it with black ink I noticed the switch as soon as I came back into the room and made madea a mental note to replace the ink with water when the game was over It was 3 am a.m. before the game I broke up and by that time I was woozy I dropped off oft to sleep and forgot the vial completely Soon as I got up next morning I remembered it and rushed downstairs to change the ink back to water But I was too late I get it I said Your wife got in early saw the vial accused you of infidelity and walked out It was wad worse than that said the actor When I got downstairs downstairs downstairs down down- stairs my wife vite was fixing herself some breakfast She put her arms around me and kissed me tenderly On the mantel was the vial vIal filled filled with a colorless liquid Copyright 1948 by Billy Rose |