| Show ij 55 I. I yS i 0 i rj R iJ A nr 7 u i T TAll N NN N All things come to him who waits and nd we suppose that's why that pi suspect aus decided he didn't w want nt to wait walt until Judge McConkie got oot his to-his case the other day I I What A Shortage in in I Printers Classified Ad FOR SALE SALE Complete Complete small printing plant almost new except ex except ex- ex 13 7 old style Kelsey Keisey hand press capable of vt doing first first- cl class ss work fort some on one Inquire o a State- State Pi Prison Ison I REVISED HISTORY OF AMERICA Preface There here 1 has long been a a. demand for Tor a n new history of or America a history history his his- tory tory which Will die dare to 10 tell tic lire truth Histories lIes in fn use use at present in tho the schools of 01 tho the state and nation arc alC woefully 1 antiquated They even cn dare dart dareo to o weave abo about abot t the tho story of or the tho United Linked States a to mythical romance that everyone knows nowadays is IS wrong Take Tako for tor Instance that ride of ot Paul pauli Revere Everyone k knows that Paul wasn't nt really trying to arouse the farmers because tho tile British were coming As a II matter mattero of fact tact records rec ortis show that Paul had been out the commanders commander's laughter daughter that night and rind was late getting her in from that Harvard Huvard party took party took her hel home jome a n. bit tipsy in truth truth and and the theold theold theold old Red Coated fury called out his klansmen clansmen to chase the youth out of or he tho country countr- and antI Paul merely woke u i- i those peacefully sleeping country countr gentlemen to help c cAnd And that story of ot John Smith and Is ridiculous That's what happens to girls hb who fall Call in Inlove inove love Jove ove with tIt traveling tn salesmen Lots Lotsof of girls nowadays can t tell you ou about the he John Smiths who wander through h the th countryside countr side winning the tho h hearts arts of innocent rural maids maids' Then there ther vas was that General Braddock vho ho walked all tho the way from Washington g ln to then called caned Ft D Duchesne fAr l. l a Camel wh when n tho the supply down down- on the Potomac Poto Poto- m mae mac c tan ran out o only ly to get Set up there to find the French and Indians lined up to t do battle b for tOl their last t fag lS' lS even after Br Braddy had walked more than an And Arid that fight tight y between en the British British Brit Erit- ish and Americans American at New Orleans for or the la last t genuine bottle of or cognac left in thi th the United States after prohibition pro iro- iro flooded the country with synthetic stuff a General C Cutters Cutter's oter s last ast stand Old stand Old C Cus s who ho had l to do something when he stad tn rd out ut too l lato t tO with the boys in a a. T poker Sam game and l d couldn't go home to hi his hil wife who because he didn't have a g good od enough excuse cx-cuse excuse and s so t sta ted tat a scrap with old Sitting Bull And that discovery y of t gold old in Cali Call California I fornia which vl e was a 1 W West st Coast Cost publicity stunt to lure the the motion picture companies t to Holly o 51 d And the Between l th the States which actually started when neither neith neith- er cr the north nor the south wanted to take credit C for tor giving birth to th tho composer 0 of Sonny Bo Boy Eoy Present histories arc full of ot inaccuracies inac mac curi curacies only a n. few of or which arc shown conc corrected here rc It Is tho the purpose purpose purpose pur pur- pose of or tho the author to present this new story of ot America in such a n manner that schools will be unnecessary unnecessary sU sary hereafter l and the school chool board boardw w wont won't nt it ha have hato to 1011 worry about keeping students on the schools at lunch The Tue students will vIl just just naturally nat on on the gro grounds to correct th the evil il instruction which th they thOy y have hare b been eri getting lS' lS in the past This work WO i is profusely illustrated so 50 so that those who cant can't read can look at tho the pictures and still lean just as ns much as ns those who read b but t dont don't caro care f for r pictures e The Tue first chapter of thi this vivid story of f America will appear ap appear ap pp p p pear r in an n early i issue u HUMOR VINTAGE 1905 A woman woman is seldom as pretty aishe ai as she thinks she sho is nor 1101 as homely as other women think her He lie sa says s 's hl his wife wite Is largely re responsible re- re for his 1115 business success Welt Well she slie has certainly made it necessary for him to earn mo more c money v What is your oUr idea of at a a. perfect gentleman 7 asked the waiting us- us tomer A perfect gentleman replied th the the- sage of or the t tonsorial parlor is Isa Isaman a aman aman man who has sufficient control to refuse to talk about tho the weather These were picked at random from Crom newspapers r published in ItO 1903 1003 can Can an You Blame Blam Him The Tho father of twenty four four children chit chil dren unexpectedly dro dropped Iid dc dead d at it other da If is Alliance 0 O. the day reliably reported that ho took this this' tep when tho the telephone telephone- i ang and anda nd a a. voice sang over the wire Its a aboy aboy aboy boy LORD ALGY SUCH IS IS' FAME The Salt Lake reporter who WilD didn't know how to spell nam namO probably bly thinks thinks' that hes he's just an another n n. other ot of- those n v stars i always t trin trying nS' nS to s 's get publicity ty by b performing perform i in lag ing some freak stunt f e CYNTHIA THE CYNIC LET ME MEL LIVE L' L LiVE LiVE- E People of the next generation v will wear far fal less cloth clothes s than han were we're wc wearing no now noone one de declares dEi- dEi clares and we are uro lO Sol going i to start planting fig 1 trees I in ou our back baek yard artI right tomorrow BOOTS Then th there le wag was that hat visitor to J 91 y who upon bei g told 1 Queen had been mar- mar lof o her fer hUf husband band for fOl five years cars i ij Huh some somo w women wui wuido will do any thing for tor a a. kittle notoriety TEX rEX S SIr |
