Show II Telling the World NEAL OHARA O'HARA By Dy I Copyright Press Press' Co 1928 New York World 1 CHR CHRISTMAS Dont Don't bite the hand that's feed feed- ing Inn you you S Dont Don't talk taJ to the Dont Don't write write on both sides of th the th pa t use cotton batting for Santa Sant unless you are covered whiskers by fire insurance There are o other her cremated without with with-l of being good ways out Sf sticking Santas Santa's inflammable alfalfa over a lighted candle C S C Dont Don't expect the electric lights you string on the Christmas tree treel will illuminate the first time you press on the switch For some reason rca rea- rea 1 fon son or other these little bulbs win will winget get busted in the course of a year even even If jO you pack them in cotton The first time you try to light th them ml they dont don't go on The thing to todo todo do then is try to find the defective bulb by unscrewing one substituting ing another and turning on the thel switch The whole holo line Uno will even then remain dark so you keep on trying the other sockets The defective de- de l de-l Ll is always the last St one you tr try C C Dont Don't tell the children that Santa drives his reindeer rig right t upon the roof They will keep awake all night in their beds listening for him with the result they will hear some fancy swearing when you try to tomake tomake make the Christmas tree stand up up straight 1 Dont Don't order a package of and ask to have them sent Dont Don't hang up chiffon stockings stockings' the night before Christmas Sata's Sata hands are rough and chapped and he will not be t for any runs in chiffon hosiery C C C Dont Don't bother to hang bang mistletoe an anywhere where in the house A fe rounds of cocktails will produce much better results result Dont Don't expect you can mall mail a al greeting g card at nt 4 p. p m. m today and make the re recipient think you re remembered remembered remembered re- re him all the time And dont don't on or the postmark I being so blurred they will think although they get It December 26 26 that you might have mailed It days a s 's ago buu u uIt it it got lost in the mails man For some reason December 24 postmarks have havea a terrible habit of ot showing up ver very clearly C C S Dont Don't forget the postman the milkman the Ice man and the news news news' newsboy boy The janitor and elevator ele bo boys s 's wont won't let you rou forget about bout them S SS S C C Dont Don't get plastered tonight and and then expect to go home and hang gold and silver baubles on the Christmas tree without busting four out of five Dont Don't pay any attention to jokes joke about ties and cigars that mens men's wives give them Just as many ties and cigars as ever were sold this season and in thirty thirty five five years we have never yet heard a husband complain That is complain about the ties and cigars his wife gave gave him DONT DON'T GAMBLE 5 |