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Show ABOVE THE HULLABMLOO WHO CAN RECOGNIZE Mother Goose? The old crone has gone soft. To blame are child psychologists, psycholo-gists, alarmed by her lustier tales and the gore and questionable morals they display. Junior, led to the brink of total depravity by radio, ra-dio, video and comic books, mustn't be shoved over the precipice by bedtime tales, so they doctored the stories. In the modern versions, the characters lead a clean, dull life. Nothing ghastly ever happens to infringe on nightmare patents held by Hopalong Cassidy. Here are a few examples of the reforms instituted in-stituted by the psychological vice squads: Baby, in Hush - a - Bye Baby, doesn't land on his fat little head any more when the bough breaks, because the bough doesn't break. It bends. Baby gets a gentle sway to the accompaniment of background violins. All the king's horses and all the king's men put Humpty-Dumpty back together again with cellulose tape. Or else, he didn't fall off the wall at all when eggs were supported sup-ported by parity. Tom, Tom, the piper's son, doesn't steal pigs. (A little black marketing, maybe, but absolutely no stealing.) The Three Blind Mice are no longer blind they're kind. Their tails get no whacks with a carving knife, but a home permanent, so they can appear in ads asking, "Which Tail Has the Toni?" (Not a commercial. We can't recommend recom-mend Toni for the tails of mice.) Mother Hubbard's cupboard is stockpiled now, but no one mentions before innocent babies that probably proba-bly she's hoarding. The Old Woman Who Lives in a Shoe no longer feeds her offspring breadless broth and sends them to bed with blows on the backside. There's hot soup, a juicv sirloin and a goodnight kiss to placate their impressionable little egos. How sweet! No wonder the kids have turned to radio cowboys, even though most of them drink sarsa-parilla. |