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Show CUTLER WON'T WtTHDRAW- YET ii'slnn Wiier Called to Confer. Brother Penrose Has Another Anoth-er Bad Night and Says Things. "Fussy" Jimmy Suggests a Plan for Blanketing tho Paupers for tho "Winter. Strictly Confidential. - MORMONTON, Utah, Oct. IS. Dear Brother Penrose (Apostle and Editor of tho Deaeret News): Well, you arc doing things. Won't you ever absorb any sense? It ecems to mo that a man with three wives ought to know something. Mere association ought to set tho wheels going In your skull and churn out a few brain throbs. Why should I, a good Mormon bishop, go around lying nnd denying church Influence, In-fluence, when you Inject knockout drops Into all my missionary efforts by one fell swoop of your editorial pen? It's your busino-c? to steady tho ark and keep the animals from gutting mixed. Hero am I parading around over tho State counseling Mormon Democrats how to vote for Cutler and dropping a hint that if they don't vote that way they will be thrown out of the church by the scruff of tho neck and then you go and lironl." In with vnnr r11 llo.,l oo if vnn had no acceas to the illimitable fountain of truth. What do the revelations of Joseph say In the times that try men's souls llko these? Thc say don't talk, don't shoot off your mouth. Actually Printed the Facts. We modem men of God ought to know that. Tou don't seem to get any straight tips from tho temple any moro. If you do. why don't you print in your delectable News, right in tho editorial columns, that ' church lnflucnco has no terrors for the sonslblo citizen, except for the mlschlct It Is working to the Democratic party in splitting It open wider and deeper?" Ghosts of Abraham, Isaao and Jacob! That's what we want to keep quiet and deny That's what I've been lying ubont. Here I vc been mingling with the Saints of Zlon and enjoying the inspiration felt only by the genuine, copyrighted people of God, and then on top of that you go and print that church influence Is splitting split-ting the Mormon Democrats wide open. You don't seem to have any more senso than Brother Bill Glnsmann or Brother Bill Spry. If you could go out and soak your head until after tho campaign, it would be a good thing, but I don't suppose sup-pose any pawnbroker would let you have anything on 'IL Terrors for Sensible Citizens. Why, of course, "church Influence has terrors for the sensible citizen." That's tho only kind of citizen that It docs have any terrors for. That's why they organized organ-ized the American party. Senslblo citizens citi-zens know enough to bolt. Tho poor dubs who nin't in on the graft, who pay taxes and then 10 per cent In tithes on top of that, don't have sense enough to get under nn awning when the skies weep. There Is no terror in anything for them except getting bounced from tho church for cultivating discord in the quorum. Now wasn't that a nlco jolt to the policies pol-icies of the servants of God when you say lhat church Influence is "splitting open the Mormon Democratic partv wider and deeper?" That's what we havo been trying to hldo from the Mormon Democrats. Demo-crats. But VOII nnrl Hrnthoi- Cn,. out everything you know. Wo had Judge Powers and Judge King fooled clear down to tho solar plexus, and had some hopes of pulling the wool over tho eyes of Brother Moyje. until after we had the Mormon Democratic vote cinched for Cutler, but you go and butt In with your talk of sensible citizens and apllttlng the Mormon Democrats wldo open. D d If 't ain't enough to drive one of tho most pious Saints of Zlon to profanity. But there, no matter how much I feel like swearing. I won't Couldn't Hold in Any Longer. However, this is not what I set out to write to you But when ,1 read your Deserted Spows I couldn't hold In any longer. I felt to speak, hoping tho Lord would enable me to define mv vlowa with words satisfying to tho reason as . well as to tho soul. Without getting eav or fracturing any pneumatic tires "I think Ho has. And don't forget that what Ho says, through Brother Smith up to Brother Smoot and down to Bishop Winker, goes-gets there, llko Brother Able Johnny rjv.-,s, cr. ib" pnnt But I have other troubles bcs"iuc3 tiiesc and as there is no policeman handy I teli them to you. Brother Fussy sent for me today. When I arrived In JSIon I v, worn down to a frazzle with fright I saw my chances of salvation slipping away like weight on tho Iceman's scale w.Pz 1 eot 10 tne meeting there was Brothdr Smoot, Brother Cutler, Brother Spry and Brother Fussy They looked as solemn as lobstors after a Turkish bath although It Is not up to mo to hint anything any-thing about lobsters in tho presenco of such as theso who arc chosen of tho Lord. t r m' So,d m;3e,f' fln' I. somo of irotner Smoot s schemes, fraught with foxy cunning and heavenly wisdom, have bumped up against harmony n tho quorum, and probably there's a largo cash payment to bn made to a famous winter resort, and I have been selected to open diplomatic negotiations with his Satanic Majesty before a protocol has been signed. Brother Cutler Got an Idea. But It wasn't as bad as I thought. Brother Cutler had merely got a few Ideas into hJs head calculated to breed suspicion, coldness and distrust. He Invl been out traveling over the State and returned to Salt Lake convinced that If the church didn't throw out Its grappling hooks and haul In the Mormon vots ho wouldn't stand any more chance of election elec-tion than a cigarette has of getting into heaven. Naturally, Brother Smoot was agitated. Brother, Spry was irritated and Brother Fussy was exasperated. I was scared yellow, with green trimmings. Tho three brothers had tried to ahow Brother Cutler Cut-ler that he was off his base, and that Brother Spry's good Intentions toward Mormon Democrats would tclnch him for the gubernatorial Job, and I had been summoned to give "artistic verisimilitude to their otherwise bold and unconvincing stylo of oratory. Which I did. That's one thing that I can do. Brother Cutler Worried. "But suppose I do get in," asked Brother Cutler, with a plaintive sort of a wail, 'how about my business? Here I vo been sending out circulars telling mv customers that I would glvo a guarantee of church influence with every pair of blankets, and my son John has been doing things, too, then I como home and find snow covering the mountain topH and no demand for blankets. It never was this way before. I wish I'd never taken the Job to run for Gocrnor, Brother Smoot. ' Then Brother Smoot, Brother Spry and i myself argued with him, but Brother Cutler Cut-ler can't appreciate a good argument. "That's all right, for yo fellows who ore In on tho church graft," hum "but I've got to inako my living selling blankets, and I ain't selling any to speak of and I don't want to be Governor any more." "But don't you know you'll ocll moro blankets than over before," said Brother Smoot, consoling like. Had Doubt3 About It. "But ir-i rtlji:t,6Jectcd,V' ,'wallo'i "flrothor Cutler, figuring up the losses on his cufTs for ono year, then totalling It for one hundred hun-dred years, and groaning aloud at tho colossal sum lost "You'll get there, Brother Smootlcr. old boy," put in Brother Spry, getting a llttlo mixed on the name In his effort to cheer up. Brother Cutler. "Sure." said Brother Fussy. "Why, Rockefeller won't be In it with you in the blnnkct business after the election. I haven't been Countv Commissioner for nothing not to know that. Why. we'll order or-der J10.COO worth of blankets from you tho very first thing .we do." . "Arc you certain $10,000. worth9" said Brother Cutler, bracing up and looking more cheerful. "Sure," said Brother Fuasy. "Tho poor havo to havo blankets." "Rather," put In Brother Spry. "It these pauper vote right, $10,000 worth of blankets ain't any too good for them. "Just think of all tho paupers, with a pair of blankets for each pauper at $10 per pair why, there's millions In it," "Besides, there's tho mental hospltnl at Provo," snld Brother Smoot. And the Mental Hospital. "Sure." ald Brother Fussy, with his usual elaboration and variety of language. "Why. the Governor controls the contract and you can fit out thorn lunatics with I'lankpts to beat the land." "But Isn t that against tho law?" anxiously anx-iously Inquired Brother Cutler "Sure." said Brother Fussy, impressively, impressive-ly, "but what's the law between friends?" "That's so," said Brother Spry. "Besides, "Be-sides, who will control the law when you aro elected Governor''" No answer was required to this, but before be-fore any ono could stop him Brother Cutler Cut-ler blurted out: "Why, Brother Smoot, of coursu." "Just so," said Brother Spry, and he winked his other oye at Brother Cutler in a very religious not to say Impudent way. "Correct." said Brother Smoot. "Ain't wo all Mormons?" "Sure," said Brother Fussy. "What do you think. Bishop Winker?" arJcod Brother Cutler, turning to me. "I , guess It Is better to yield than to flee." "Sure," said I, unconsciously quoting Brother Fuhs's expressive diction. "A d d sight that is to say. much better," So Brother Culler will stay. Ah, Brother Penrose, take a lesson from this and never lose faith in the Lord. Brother Cutler's determination .to stay proves that thero is dawning upon the snowy hilltops of Utah the bright and radiant ra-diant star of absolute obedience to the anointed servants of God. My No. 4 ls a terror. I suspect that she Is going to vote tho American parly ticket Just to spite me and show hor contempt for church Influence. Women aro so uncertain, un-certain, except in voting Your true friend In the gospel and old pal In polygamy CEPHO AURELIUS WINKER, Bishop of Mormonton, Prospective Apostlo and Main Guy of tho Smootlcr Push. ' P. S. Brother Penrose, why Is Brother Fussy, culled enderson? |
