Show LP P r MA ELMER EUlER TWITCHELL AND THE TIlE VICTORY GARDEN Elmer Twitchell Issued a today announcing that he has launched his spring Victory Garden drive again I never won a victory over it yet he said sadly but I Iara Iam Iam am ara going to try once more I III cant can't give you much time he told reporters Im going over the whole situation to check up on gains and losses in my campaigns so far find out where I aid ani am consolidate my forces and decide on my 1943 tactics your tactical position a reporter asked Im not positive he replied This Is only my second summer In hi hithe Inthe inthe the field Last summer it ft was touch and go most of the way with a pret pret- pretty pretty pretty I ty serious defeat at the finish I held my own until August when over over- overwhelming overwhelming overwhelming whelming forces Just about ruined me Are you more confident of vic vic- victory victory tory this season I 11 am stronger than I was a year ngo Ive I've trained hard all winter whiter Ive I've got some new weapons we pons and I have the will to win Do liDo you intend to wage a defense or offensive war I III found out last summer that you cant can't get anywhere with a Victory Garden Garden- on the defensive Those damned bugs love it if you stay on the defensive That's right up their alley o o Dont forget Elmer resumed that all these garden pests and blights were in a much better position position position tion than I 1 was when the fight start start- started ed They had been doing nothing else but waging an out all war for years 1 I was green at it ft Was It the element of or surprise that bothered you he bc was asked Not so much surprise as the pow pow- power er and determination of or the enemy he be replied And U of or course their reserves are Inexhaustible Id I'd lick cm em and think I 1 had wiped out tho the thelast last bug and up would come an another other battalion of em That sort of thing gets gels pretty discouraging Who do you think was your toughest foe a reporter asked I thought General Aphis was tough early In hi the season but later the thc Mexican Bean Beetle proved harder to beat Ills His armored attack on bean vines Is terrific Then came the Japanese Beetle He lie used heavy tanks and is strictly s a suicide fighter o o Elmer seemed depressed Just re re- reviewing reviewing re- re reviewing viewing last years year's garden cam cam- I 1 threw nem all back up to midsummer but then General Cut Cut- Cutworm Cutworm Cutworm worm attacked in force using blitz metho methods s. s He was supported by waves of corn borers potato bugs and snails How about your chemical war war- warfare warfare warfare fare he was asked Oh I gave em all I had but they had too many fresh shock troops to throw in But do you know what really broke down my morale last season No N o. o The liThe neighbors' neighbors chickens con con- concluded concluded concluded Elmer That was what got me I 1 thought they were neutral They were ere Fifth Columnists Add similes As funny as New NewYork NewYork NewYork York talking about crime waves In hi other cities Ima Dodo thinks that the new Tracy Tracy-Hepburn film Keeper of ol the Flame Is a stirring heart drama of ot the winter struggle with the oil furnace problem Larry Singer thinks some con con- congressmen congressmen congressmen gressmen who turned down the Ruml RumI plan thought they were voting against Rommel R. R Roelofs Jr wants to know U if you remember away back when antipasto included a sardine And when you could get a radio repaired Can You Remember Remember- Away back b ck when you could walk right past a food display In hi a store stor window without looking M G. G suggests as his own bev beverage beverage plan Free beer and pretzels from the cradle to the thc grave Hi- Hi Remember away back when the tin wail was was all all meat and no nc potatoes W. W a B. B 1 i E. E Arcy Arey ArC nominates nominate far Jer f the llie civilian Jn E Award Oswald 1 fJ who a tel 30 years experiments experiment's l has hat evolved evoked a method o of 0 baking an apple pie without uit seeds Leeds or bits its of o cf c re in in if it o mental trouble has passed the phase pha e where it could only be recognized by specialists It Is now no obvious to the layman Swiss dis dJs patch mean by now A Guernsey heifer on a aarm farm arm in Elms Elms- wood N. N Y V. suddenly topped stopped content contented ed cd grazing tore across the field and dove dote into a swimming pool Such be b horror havior is hard to explain But Dut we e must remember that a cow coto cant can't get let into inlo the headlines today by b merely doing the th Chinas thines mother wed used to 10 do |