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Show VOICES OF THE STREET- Where is the mother's boy of my youth? The modest, retiring, reticent, shame-faced little follow who was perpetually per-petually and eternally fidgeting? Who would nido his face when talking to a stranger, or bury his curly head iu his mothers dress? I have not seen him for a long, long time. Surely, the ravages rav-ages of timo have not destroyed him! He was such li tine, modest fellow and he invariably grew up to be a model of manhood; of course he sometimes played hookey from school and onco in a long while he would invade the neighboring neigh-boring melon patch. But those were only exhaust pipes through which escaped es-caped his exuberance and kept him from exploding sometime at church or Sunday schooL But look at the boy of todav. What a picture of emaciated tranquility he is! A vile odor producing cigarette clings to his lips; his hat hangs to his head by his loft car; ho oggles the girls; speaks of "de govner" and "do old woman;" understands perfectly the initial steps to be taken necessary to a successful "rushing of the growler," and he knows more in a minute than it would be possible for an LL. D. to learn in several centuries of time. Should his parents make bold to correct him, he cocks one eye at them and says, "Ah! what er yor givin' us?" His slang is even more extensive and elaborate than that of his hish-shool sister, He is "up to snuff " and knows a "jay" when ho sees one. The sallow-faced, sallow-faced, cigarette-smoking, watery-eyed nuisanco of today is a howling failure. Take him away and import a few of tho robust lads of the long ago, for thev were composed of the stuff of which men are made. Men keep young by continuing to work, says a philosopher of tho street. When men retire they have invited old age to come in and take possession. I have often wondered why tho earth didn't yawn and swallow up The man who wears a sash: The dudo who carries a cauef Tho woman who "laces": The girl who chews gum: The Imy who says "we men folks": The labor agitator: The fool-killer's substitute: The careless cabby: The blackguard who usos profanity on the street: The woman who feels insulted if sho isn't referred to as "lady" : The girl who giggles: And the balance of the cranks. The black belly-band is a useless thing. It is rapidly going to waist. "Every barkeeper who has been in the business loug," said a popular mixer of stimulants, "has met iu his time many ingenious and impecunious citizens, but the smoothest plan of working the bar for two drinks for 15 cents I ever met with was successfully tried with me today."' Everybody present was anxious for such valuable information, and he continued: con-tinued: "Two men came in this morning morn-ing with the air of men of cash, and one of them asked the other what he would have to drink. 'Nothing,' was there-ply, there-ply, 'don't montion drinks to mo again for a month.' Then the man who proposed pro-posed the treat says: 'Oh, take something; some-thing; a little seltzer and lemon or soda cocktail,' but he thanked his friend anil asked to be excused. 'Well,' insisted tho manager of tho pair, 'don't take a shingle off the man's house, have a cigar.' N o, he would not even take a cigar; that would make him sick. He did not want anything, and ho would have to be excused this timo. "With this the generous man poured a large thin whisky glass full of Belle of Nelson to the brim. There was more than throe ordinary drinks in the glass. He then drank about half of it, made a face and said to mo: 'What's tho matter mat-ter with that whisky?' I replied with some emphasis that it was first-class goods, four years old. Turning to his partner he said: 'John, taste that, and see what you think about it.' John swallowed the big drink with a relish, but shook his head and replied: 'It ain't right.' Then they strolled out, leaving a dimo and a live cent piece on the counter. I have often wondered how the expression ex-pression "the public bo d d" originated. origi-nated. I don't wouder auv more. The crowds that block the sidewalks are such unmitigated nuisances that ouo is justilied in eudorsiug the entire sonti-ment sonti-ment every time it is necessary to "go down streot." A middle-aged woman called at an insurance ollieo on Griswold street a day or two ago to aunounco that sho wanted to insure her house, says the Detroit Free Press. "For how much?" asked the ap-ont. "Oh, about $r00." "Very well, I'll come up and investigate." investi-gate." "I don't know much about insurance," insur-ance," she said. "It's very plain, ma'am." "If I'm iusured for $,"i00 and the house burns up I get tho mouey, do I?" "Certainly." "And they don't ask who set it afire?" "Oh, but they do. We shall want to know all about it." "Then you needn't come up," she said as sho rose to go. "1 heard there was some catch about it somewhere, Bud now I see where it is." "Salt Lake is a paradise for detectives." de-tectives." "It is so very easy to strike a scent." If there is one man more than another an-other for whom a red hot future should reserve a real warm corner near trie great furnace it is the cadaverous individual in-dividual who sits cross-legged in the street car. Celbk Clake. |