Show The Fable of Mr l Dress Sui Suit t lly By GEORGE ADE ADEr W 1 r Uell u ll NU NU service y NCE CE there was a Kid who O v J lived I In a tall grass Settle Settle- Settlement Settlement ment just two miles this side of f the Off Jumping Place There was a n H Railway through the Town fown but no Fa Fast t Train ever stopped nt at unless It had a n Hot HotBox HotBox Box JOl Sherman Whipple hippie spent his early Youth In this benl benighted Burg where the Leader of the most ex- ex exclusive ex exclusive Set worked at the Hard liard- Hardware Hardware ware are and Implement Store put Oil Goose on his This Curls and thought he was dressed up If It he had on hi iii White Muffler The most popular Belle In the place hud had Coral Ear Ear- EarRings RIngs Ear Rings and would sing In the Gloam Gloam- GloamIng Gloaming Gloaming ing at the tho slightest Pro unless requested not to do so When only three years old Sher- Sher Sherman Sherman man Sher-man man sized up his Environment and knew that he was In Dutch After that he wasn't Interested In any any- anything anything thing except Time-Tables Time It may maybe maybe maybe be true that the Sharks on Soci SocI- Sociology who cannot understand why Lads Lads leave the Villages and flock to the Bright Lights never served n a Term In one of these the out way the wa way Hamlets where the only regu regu- regular regular lar Visitors In the old Days were English Sparrows and Drummers Now a Picture Palace smiles where once the Feed Store was The Sky Is full of ot Antennae and the Honk ot of the Henry Is 13 s heard at 2 n a m Not so however howe when the Earth Earth- Earthly Earthly ly Iy Career of Sherman Whipple was still In Its Springtime The Town of had hind a complicated Case of ot Mopes and It hall had been stung by a Worm Hook It was Headquarters for the so Not Not so It was a Dump It happened that when our hero lIero was about 8 3 years of ot Age he lie saw In a Story Paper which his Ma In read wIth great Regularity a beautiful Cut Wood Cut depicting a n Scene In High Life It was In a Conservatory Conser with Palms all nil over the place There was wasn wasa wasa n a Lady who was very er Slender at the Waist and much less slender Just Below and she was In complete Neck Low Low- Neck Low eck and wore Diamond Ear Ear- Ear Bobs Bobs and had two Cubic Feet ot of hair and was according to the Standards of ot Pre Pre-Golt Days Dars a ravIng raving raving ing Beauty of ot the Statuesque Type Tier Her name was wag Alys It was Alys Montague Up to the time that our Producing Managers moved mo the Drama one Flight up from the Drawing Room It was impossible to toI I put lut on a Play flay without having haYing at atI I least one Montague In It It The Correct Soup and Fish In the Picture It seemed that that Is I's was pe peeved ed over oyer some Proposition that had been put up to her b by the Gentleman In the Long Tall Tail who was u-as none other than Geoffrey Du Du- Du Durante Du rante Whatever may have been the Private Morals of ot Geoffrey he was certainly the Class so far Car as Looks and Up Get-Up were concerned lIe had a wavy Mop Iop and a spiral Moustache and his big hi Regalia was the Correct Soup and Fish Including three Studs and Bows on his Ills dancing lie He was the Cats Cat's Goatee the Elephants Elephant's E Lashes Eye Lashes e the Eels Eel's Elbows the Panthers Panther's Pajamas or any other Words to the same so long as th they dont don't mean anything I Although It showed In the Picture that Alys was shrinking away from Geoffrey until only a clever elever Illustrator Illustrator tor could prevent her from doing a Flop and although the Reading Heading Mat Mat- Matter Matter ter tel Indicated that Geoffrey hissed Have Ha a Care l I when Alys s 's hinted that she had learned of ot his bis Secret Marriage to Gladys even Marston-even Marston en though the Circumstantial Evidence I Indicated that Geoffrey was a ter ter- terI terrible terrible I Pup his Wardrobe saved him I Evidently he was a n Villain but stilla still I a Gentleman Sherman Whipple was as fascInated i by the First Part Costume It was his first Meeting w with h the Soup and Soup Never er e In Real Heal Life LICe had he seen anyone any one all out In Thirteen and the Odd N NA A Tall Trek From the tho Town Home The Wood Cut practically deter deter- determined determined mined his whole Career He madea made a secret Vow that some somo Da Day he would wear the whole Smear In- In including In Including eluding Silk Underwear and a n Mon Mon- Monogram Mon Monogram Ion Ion- on his Sleeve ShIrt-Sleeve You might say that a Dress Suit was the Lode Star of his Existence lIe steered his whole subsequent Course ot of Life LICe toward a Conservatory In which he might have ha a Flirtation with some Heiress who carried a Fan ran and used good Ier Per Perfumery The Fact that the DIstance from llIe to Social Emi Emi- Eminence Emi Emi- Eminence Eminence nence seemed to be nt 1st least Five Fhe Miles lIles did not dishearten lIttle Sherman He lIe had learned that an any One with plenty of ot Jack and a sunny Nature can cnn bust Into the Inner Circle of ot the Upper Ten When he packed his Wicker Suit SuitCase SuitCase SuitCase Case and did a tall Trek from Crom the Corn Fields It was not suspected by the Oafs and Bumpkins of his native e Township that he nursed this Ambition to write his Name ame In Let Let- Let of ot Fire on the Society Page of some Dally Daily Paper We need not follow v him through his early Struggles to tell of ot the weary wenry Years during which If It he had lost one of ot his two Collar Buttons practically Des Des- Destitute Destitute he would have hare been Jeen Suffice to say that at last the Sun of Prosperity Jammed Its way through tho the Clouds and Sherman She found himself with an Apartment ot of othis ohis his own and a n sweet Balance at the Bank ank The flee Dream of ot a Time Life Life was to become a Joyous Reality ne Ho Hofelt Hofelt felt that the Time had arrived for hIm to break out of the Shell and Crow three times and let the World know that he had arrived So tie lie went to a Real Henl Tailor and said he wanted a Dress Suit with more Satin Salin Lining than ever er had been seen on any Vaudeville Stage lIe He wanted nt at least one Velvet et Col Col- Collar Col- Col Collar Collar lar and he wanted a little Dew Dew- flicker Dew to connect the Buttons In front and he wanted much Braid down the Trousers The Tailor tried to tell Sherman that E Evening Dress or Full ull Dress or Formal Dress or whatever er one may choose to designate the fantastic Garb should bo be characterized by Ly an un- un unobtrusive un unobtrusive obtrusive e Elegance and not Complicated Complicated Complicated by those Innovations which seem to be favored ored by Song and Song Dance Dance Licks Hicks and nd former Cormer So Sofia n Clerks who vho have lately begun to Im- Im Impersonate impersonate Im Impersonate personate European Aristocrats on the Screen No Quiet Raiment for Him All that Stuff about cutting out the Decorative Effects went for Cor Sweeney Mr Whipple had waited nearly 30 years for Cor arrival of The Day and now that he was about to back Into a real Set of ot and carr carry his own Scenery he be didn't want any Vestments that were quiet and sedate lIe He wanted a Dress Suit that would sound like a Saxo- Saxo He lie had his wish After the Hot liniment was delivered dell he lie spent many an Hour In front of the Mirror and had a great many Imaginary Chats with Members of the Opposite Opposite Opposite site Sex who were not unknown to the Haute Monde whatever er that Is He lie could hardly wait walt to flash the proud Apparel His lIls first Chance came when he was Invited In to attend a Smoker given ghen by the Members ot of the Twelfth Ward Bowling Club When he lio showed up at the Function he had on everything except Lip Rouge Houge There were present and 33 of them had committed SocIal Errors by appearing In Sack Suits although It Is only fair fall to add that one of ot them wore a Sweater veater also Mr Whipple had to pull the Old One about going to a Party later Inter In Inthe inthe the Evening Some one asked him If It was going to be a Fancy Dress Party and he lie said it wasn't where where- whereupon whereupon whereupon upon several se of ot the Boys shook their Heads and couldn't seem to understand It He lIe thought he was safe saCe when he attended a Banquet given ghen by the Alumni of his Alma Mater Inter which happened to be a n Short Hand Col- Col College College Col College lege The Ladles Ladies were present and the Toastmaster had hall the names ot of 20 O tongue-tied tongue Morons who were to tobe tobe tobe be called upon to Speak It was that Kind Sherman did not feel so lonesome at this Affair as all the Walters Waiters had Tails Spike but the theTon I Ton Toastmaster wore the only double double- double breasted br breasted Prince Albert Frock Coat CoatI Coatto Coatto Coatto I to be found on n Earth outside of oC the Ii Embalming Profession Bad News for Cor the tho Suit Dress-Suit One Day after the beautiful Rai Rai- Raiment Raiment ment had been Ip iQ the Camphor for fora fora fora a month Mr Ir Whipple found some some- something something something thing in a Magazine which almost froze his bis Blood mood The Piece Ilece went on onto onto onto to say that the Man an of ot Fashion who wished to be En Rapport with all the late Wrinkles could now be de a la Mode Iode and absolutely even en if It lie he wore a Din Din- Dinner Dinner I ner nor Coat Cat at Gatherings attended by Ladles Ladies It Is said that the snowy Weskit the expensive Pearls the tall Dicer and the White Mittens which w lrich can seldom be buttoned would continue to be Au Fait Falt at the Metropolitan Opera House or at Weddings but for Dinner Parties whIch were more or less En the Dinner Jacket Combination was to the Mustard because the PrInce of Wales was doing it and what more was there to say It was just like Ilke sticking a KnIfe Into the Heart of Sherman Whipple He couldn't scoop up all of the French but he ho surmised that the Money Ioney whIch he had tied up In the Swell Harness was vas going to be a Total Loss lIe He had no Chance to tobe tobe tobe be among those present at nt the Met Met- Metropolitan Opera House and the Weddings were out because the only Friends he had bad In the World hall had been married for years ears Little remains to be told Sher Sher- Sherman Sher- Sher Sherman Sherman man still has hns the Dress Suit but It binds across the Shoulders and the Pants are so tight In the Legs egg that they no longer conform to the Rules nules laid down lown in that sparkling Department Depart Depart- Department Department ment headed Styles for Men Often as he lie sits by the Radiator waiting for Spring to show up Sher Sher- Sherman Sher- Sher Sherman Sherman man wishes that he lie had saved his Coin Coln and bought a n Radio Set with n a aLoud Loud Speaker MORAL Those Tose destined to wear Royal Robes Hobes are born with them already adY on |