Show WILDER WITH THE JOKERS I 1 chauncey M depew Is solemn buring the day COLON COLONEL THOMAS ELTHOMAS OCHIL OCHILTREE TREE his great suit helped by crutches one on the pennsylvania magnate ingersoll and governor sunn buran haudy handy gets on one a on senator tones jones no humor in harrlson great demands upon guests at dinner copyright 1894 by ile bacheller heller johnson Bachell A cr they do such things and they say such things at dinner during the day after dinner speakers snake make their livings with their heads at night they make speeches with their hearts at big dinners you get souls set to dvorak symphonies the inmost me percolates through the diaphragm of the day worker and drops drape out at the joint of if the tongue word by w word ord the smoke of the work workaday aday a day ad world breaks up and scatters and disappears in fit a breeze of bon ban nots bots lm imagine alne chauncey M depew president of the new york central R railroad all cracking jokes even in chiq mind during business hours he dare not they would pop like torpedoes all along the track and result finally in a gen pral mal wreck from end to end ot of the vanderbilt system no president dere depew W thinks no les during hours it if he do colonel duval auval smothers them in committee and nd they th e y tile die a deserved death but oil oh what a difference in the I 1 doctor t depe depew then pulls pull down the blard blind on pro president ident dupew and gives chauncey c ey a chance thus thug at dinners he con comes s to be our chauncey general horace porter has wit humor memory but he lacks the magnetism and go of 0 chauncey doctor great power lica iles in his power for trotting up the right word at the vi winning inning time as when at a late hour one evening he be complied himself to the chamois because he found himself continually going from ing to jag ot of all dinners those of the clover club stand unique for or sparkle it la Is hard to describe a clover club dinner might as well try to bottle battle up electricity tri city the company I 1 Is s a group ot of I 1 moses P handy a former president ot of this club the gentleman who gave publicity to the wolds fair ja Is a prince of 0 gruyere gu yore by the bye he is the best beat dinner charman I 1 ever met one night at the clover club in philada philadelphia elphia handy arose with senator jones of nevada sitting near and atter after having graphically outlined the attractive personality of that silver yc I 1 r I 1 I 1 CLO VL P ak I 1 I 1 ct V B L 1 I 1 11 I 1 I 1 rr f 11 I 1 J 11 11 I 1 ia I 1 11 I 1 I 1 colt cal thomas ochiltree of earth ma magnate agnate by way ot of introduction I 1 noticed even that i ot of tho upper house home squirming squirm lne and in hla his seat knowing well the guy guns that we would uld be turned upon him as soon as he got upon his pins he was visibly affected lor for the worse but not more io a than another gentleman f tor OL no sooner had hardy worked the S senator clift tor up almost to the starting point than he said notwithstanding such seductive talent within reach we ean can peg a hole higher by calling upon colonel thomas ocheltree ot of earth who will now address you it Is needless to say that both gentlemen looked as it if they had just been shot out by take from sIlls dynamite gun on the tha and missed the mark and it came to pass in that time that the said ochiltree had had his leg broken by the Pennsy pennsylvania lania railroad he was suing the railroad because his leg lee was broken or he was broke one or the other the officials a all 11 knew ot of this and yet loved him on one L of the these V was present colonel och ochiltree altree had bad been using cr crutches in order to keep the leg from healing while A hile the suit was in progress 3 but it w ar foully suspected that lie he was merely doing the limb for one day on seeing some home pretty young lady friends across chestnut stroet lie he dropped his crutches twits bald all aidi went with a skip I 1 to 0 greet them when the colonel was cal called to A upon the pennsylvania official remarked colonel where ate are your crutches 9 I 1 under the table chete you will be before the dinner as k over anil and flip lie senter masked up a carom tor for ill hc colonel against a ganse egg for the potentate arnon the gentlemen at that dinner w were ere charles emory smith sinith go general governor bunn E burd grubb edwin S stuart john russet russel young toung C R deacon A K X al james 11 H Hever ln i lenry henry 11 II Ding tinglian CIn glian liani clayton mcmichael william H stra kelly frank thompson albert G J ti an white bilte and scores scares of famous guests from outside of philadelphia colonel ingersoll came in late when governor bunn catching sight of him exclaimed in the midst of 0 the decorated and delicious surroundings surrounding ali ah colonel this Is heaven haven no place tor for you here her the the colonel blushed up to N where here the roots of its his hair ought to be and was conspicuous for his silence whether it as because he felt out of place in fit heaven I 1 dont know ile he may go there yet in spite of himself mr cleveland also was there the guy was put out on film but mr cleveland was on hla mettle and made one of the best speeches of hla his life colonel cock hlll rame paine up tor for his phase but the colonel has been everything from a drummer boy in sher mans array army to editor in new york city and alth alth all his gly is a match even for hardy colonel cockerill Cocken ll la is a dark hoise for place as a dinner Ppe speaker aker should denev go first put but evidently the doctor it is rl nit anticipating any such thing for at a pre press club dinner given to cockerill five iv years ato ago dr depew said in closing hla his rp maiks lii 1 I trust ahat colonel cockerill may enjoy long life and that thai I 1 1 may live to pronounce his funeral or oration atlon senator hill said a felicitous thing thine that night when in making the request to follow instead 0 of P recede precede D dr depew on the Dro Kramme me ho he re remarked iced that the strife state 0 of new york ought not to overshadow the united states slates and lie deferred to sir mr D dupew pew MI air de pew was then montio mentioned tied as a elal possibility la 14 at a dinner given by nil CT 31 Arkell I 1 to a title the newspaper men iners at mt It cGregor it w was i is understood that there should be tie no r remarks c m arks except by president harrl hard pan aon who WILS the guest ot honor to be followed by some knick knacks by my ir I 1 never enjoyed a dinner so little though it we wai in the middle ot at the day up rose ill the president and mame male nn all 1111 impressive speech the words kept buz 7 ing in my ears next comes me h a nibs he say oh lie ho say bay in 10 came lit gregor then the n the Pr preside A drifted to the death of general grant at that place how eloquent he was on this point but at tile til close all the air a solemn stillness silliness held le mirth of any kind hind was to be dead de ad to the world then came calls tor for me but big hi nibs refused to get cec up youre a chump I 1 S alad one friend vba matter over with fill you said another after all was over the pre president approached approach eil me a and nd said 1 I expect to beak of 0 general grants death but I 1 knew your good taste would prevent you from saying anything of a jocular nature after I 1 had done so pa by the bye president presed nt harrison Harrl con could not be put flown down asa humorist as I 1 found out before the trip was ended the party were nvere gning down the mountain to saratoga in a special car when walking down the aisle to where mr carilton Ha was si tiling I 1 patel mr president I 1 am more than glad to have had you along on this jaunt you will ivill understand that a lotof lot of people a band of music and militia will be walling waiting to greet me at saratoga ot of ourse course T dont like the crash but I 1 thought I 1 might miss you and simply came to iia say Y that in III case I 1 do goodbye good bye not a smile I 1 went down the aisle to my seat feeling myself touching the f loar floor with a thud at ac every even step at saratoga I 1 hurried to a land landau ill and ordered to be driven rapidly to a private hotel so as to 10 escape ohp great demonstration to the president get ctet along as s quickly as you can I 1 said to the driver driver and he got through the band and the soldiers who made way until we were blocked then formed the presidents line the way was opened and I 1 found mys if heading the line t 1 I I 1 it r 1 it vill 1 ial il 11 f I 1 11 1 ank I 1 it I 1 1 ll 11 I 4 V oa 11 1 heading the line much to my own discomfiture though I 1 was hailed by many friends one of oc whom sald ards lat at tile hotel you are a good work up nn an ad of which however 1 I had no idea as the very contrary was my intention in london it is cli custom instead of 0 a benefit as we give in america to have a dinner under the auspices of the actors benevolent fund at one dinner was inas raised which was expended tor for the actors of london the admission tee fee was one guinea and everything was strictly conventional after the english style there was a man the toastmaster iwho aho vho stood behind the chair who would address the diners after this fashion 1 I crave your attention I 1 ask you to drink to the health of her Isla majesty jesty the queen idl ill the bumpers at an actors benevolent fund dinner div given n in london in 1891 with henry irving in the chair cards were furnished each one me present with blanks to be fi filled cc b by Y Chrit lan and surname residence and by the pounds shillings and pence either cither donated oi or put down as annual subscription at these english dinners the speeches aches have of course lots of meat in them but they lack the gravy they have a peculiar sort of h help elp me over the tence fence kind of limp they are slow wand and loggy by the side ride of american style the frenchman if he be present la Is so polite with a dash ot of you dont know whether he Is going to say it or not but he always a ways suggests it much depends upon the guest at these dinners during the annual dinner of the green room club given it at the crystal palace london at which among others were present wilson allson barrett comyns carr the late henry petit pet tt arthur jones and sip sh augustus harris with mr bancroft ell chairman an animated discussion abose at the wrong time in which the guests even got to calling one another names finally when I 1 was wa called on oil I 1 found myself in a most trying position in III the ED D p 11 i 1 C 1 1 1 1 1 I 1 1 I Z 1 1 q ra I 1 go ivo K I 1 ci ra 4 V t I 1 I 1 gl li 4 I 1 I 1 91 W N 1 rj 0 1 I 1 I 1 il I 1 I 1 I 1 ill in midst of tile the excitement but lucki luckily ly I 1 was followed by that kins king of story tc tellers liers not nat go goodwin 0 dwin who soon put them all in ill a go good d hur humor by tb the way eway who it was nat who said that wit Is the power to say day what everybody rise else would n have said if b he had of it in III my remarks about englishmen I 1 must except sir edwin arnold who nho Is a prince of talkers as also Is he honry nry irving sir edwin speaking or of mr fr gladstone said that the premier lacked humor and that no one evet ever heard him make a witty remark and further 0 on en in his talk said sir edwin laught lauchter lives next to the tha most mist tender tears I 1 suppose he must get thle this exquisite aptness ot of speech from his I 1 gifted I 1 ft d american wife many people have an idea that actors are poor talkers outside of their lilies the fact Is they are bacorn becoming ing more and more adaptable every lay day mr irving can be very chartist charming n g upon occasion RS as lie he was at the atimer given him film on his last visit to Am america rIca by tile the lotus club what delicate cumor ammor this may I 1 find an increase of the consciousness of virtue which now and then animates you tor for it if it be EL a task to climb up additional steps it shows an amount ot of self belief which experience alone can proe justified when after uch such a banquet as a to lo you are not liot afraid a f I 1 a I 1 d to venture down them again I 1 understand that an mind at detroit detroi ihas has that our friend friand bacon w wrote te pot not only tile the whole of 0 shakespeare rou but t also alao christopher Mar marloe love edmund spenser end burtons bartons Bur tons anatomy of 0 melancholy I 1 mention this to sh abow 0 w you that even irk in new york you do dont n t know everything and that it ia passi tile ble that you may wake ono conf m g to 0 learn earn that the spirit ot of 13 alacon arnt dicta tea led the constitution 0 of tho the united states bui limited as your ion knowledge 0 le d go may be there is in no limit to y your 0 ur good will and your good fellow fellowship 1 so it was with jefferson Jenei Kon and at ato uio memorial to lo looth al the lambs club dinners ac actori tore are to bo be heard at their best t ho u th the he play playwrights rights are in ill the a I 1 lead th there ere a no more lovely wit anywhere any abere than ban t a 3 heard upon such auch occasions from G gua us thorna thomas sydney rosenfeld milton lackaye branson howard charley hoyt sat nat Gon goddwin dwin gus thomas the gentleman Benl leman with the mellow tri ellow casslo passionate nate throb of the hawaiian lia wailan seas in his big do CO covers moi male B keys perhaps than any ally min inan nl ill this city had lie been a lawyer his fame as ae an orator would have been worldwide world wide I 1 noticed a at a dinner given in london a at t the lord mayors mansion manalon agu house where were present irving terry toole 1 mrs irs reilly kellly and others that in the midst ot of the pomp and ceremony the stage people seemed most at home when others othera faltered altered a trifle in doing the proper caper they were smooth and princely in all their movements that court rt rules on a tinsel stage can he be made real when the ume time demanded it thesa actors owe much to the dinners of 0 the prince ot of wales which lie he gives now and then to encourage the theater and trades people ile he goe goes s further tur lher it if he hears of 0 an actor not 1 doing good business he sends tor for a box and the house Is packed when an arn american licals gets gels up at those english dinners the englishmen rethe 91 11 it 7 A T f il 1 I 1 W r I 1 I t I 1 1 r IR 2 4 1 py I 1 I 1 U i I 1 I 1 IQ jt 1 I alvi 1 P Z 9 f 11 I 1 I 1 I 1 I 1 U I 1 RE I 1 lp 4 1 I 1 II 11 II 11 I 1 a I 1 I 1 I 1 ii 1 1 q I 11 f 1 I 1 frenchman Is so polite gard eard him with open eyed wonder they expect to see him blanketed and hop around like the vigilant did del I 1 linen she dropped in a dead faint by the side ot of the Val valkyrie kyre in the first days rae race ra e they dont see it the american carries hla his sail full of wind and after one or two glasses ot of wine you see III him in sett settina anz his spinnaker and as he be comes carries around the lightship the Britis BrItt hers are too dumb with astonishment except to grunt iles hes a c corker but the american has hai no cinch many ot of his most darling jokes fall as dead as mine did on sir mr harrlson harrison of 0 course ill this I 1 a does docs not apply to the savage and green room clubs or clubs of 0 that kind where american humor has ought fought Us its way to 0 o the front and where by much practice the members have come to know the places where common mon courtesy couite sy demands a laugh but they are ampro ing as I 1 have discovered during my ailts to england tor for tho th last ten yo ars sir mr irving Is partly educating them at his dinners which he gives 0 once nce a week at the next to the lyceum mr charles wyndham Is also has cosy gatherings at the yacht next to the criterion theater whets the whole interior Is fitted out as ayache a yacht and one |