Show BEGGARS t CAN A KT C CHOOSE CHAPTER XII Continued XII Continued 11 11 The desire to wound hIm filled her fever fe At least then he with a burning would not be able ible to go for weeks eek without remembering her He lie would desire his Ills attention thInk of her Intolerable would be hers I or an nn moment she he yielded folded to the pain of this faded wr wrapped her desire then 10 rose l bath bathing In suIt her cotton kimono 0 over oser er Loring For a mo moment moment and turned to face fice ment she sho was as struck with a bright memory Ills His composure his self elt as assurance were broken by the t erful emotion She was wis 18 a of some 10 powerful her mother mothers s house run running running girl at nt ning up the front step steps lie he stood tood at atthe atthe the top In her a looking at her his face so so all e e disturbing J he stared at nt each other remembering berlo bering caught and held to together ButI But I 1 rn thrust this clamoring thou thought ht her Tills This man was I II n a awny from front linn s husband TIll This was Jonathan s son SOD her father fathers s son IOn on in 11 Ii s sand and 11 adviser I er He lie was S one of her lier 0 yn people 1 lou Iou ou haven ha t been kind hind to 11 ill III nn any of you she stammered tr trying In to briny the tal talk back bach to commonplace He hash t accepted our Ing Loring ans answered ered slowly It qt Im I'm t that he lies s proud lIe s vain aln as ss well oil ell Ile c different lies entitled to his vanity sanity At At any cost asked bring I oring In p l plow plow low 10 wice Olce I think there are men who would con consider lder pride too dear dear- dear for your happiness thoughts were ere In con confusion confusion confusion fusion Lorings words came bac back to her nothing but PO poverty crt and child childbearing childbearing bearing and di distress Oh she had h nl HI mOre than tinn tint that from fromM M W ill III She h li td ld had lIeI life lIe I But nut was ns there to be for her herno herno herno no permanent peace and security with with mi Ith 1111 Ill She doubted it t nd ind this doubt brought another Has Hns nn nis whole In Instinct concerning III been false Is the family's s 's judgment of him correct m mi 0 own n mistaken They thin think him erratic tI il 1 Ill I'll unsteady a 11 hit fell ure-O ure 0 God In Heaven en help me- me meShe meShe me She turned turnell sway iway from from Lonn Loring and tool took the pith up through the shrubs toward the la lawn lan n about the house She stumbled along as though to get et a vay ay from the weal ness the tears the feir ful doubts that a n her lier herA herA lierA A motor had been humming along the lal c e road as she all adv from the waters sedge edge and now no abruptly abrupt v the car had entered the inlet road and swung about before the house At till this instant n tant t when hen she became con conSCIOUS conscious conscious of It and Its arrival ll the air was a still sUIl filled with the of brakes whIle the doors of the car spilled open and It disgorged three of four men who were ere carr carrying mg others othen One of the two men lifted from the car was w is lS either elther dead deall or d dung dvm mg for a thin hn bright ht stream ran from him as IlS they laid him on the grass Bright ht red dripped from the lie running board The other man wa was being car carriell Ind indoors ors while t two 0 tied their coats together to snake make a stretcher for the first man lifted out A shout me me Pasta no from the house The gardener the houseman appeared on the run The whole household was as Instantly Instant concentrated with sl practiced so quiet co so quick that Ernestine was a still gaping while It was as ill accomplished The I l he hose hos ho e was n running furiously acro across the lawn n The fhe rug vis brought from from the floor of the he cu and thrown thron n Into the lake lahl with rocks on top of it t The put the ho hose e inside the lie cir and ind w the floor and the running n nother other came from the gange with a different car rug with th a different ent license plate winch which Illch he lie changed in a moment and the dIn er er of the cal mowed ed It up a little so co 0 that the growl el gri could be picked up in a ho shovel d and carried carnell and thrown thron n into the lie lake lahe the fre fresh h spot pot riLed together Isow T old Grandmother Pasta no in ancient dame who spoke not a word 01 d dof of English came from from the pOI eh her head wrapped in a shawl I and got Into the cir and sat b the window her thick jeweled j hind resting on the edge of the glas glass The cir car turned about and with i g different rent driver er moved sedately back along the lal e a road whence hence it had come come-as come as Innocent ap pem Ing J a i vehicle as IlS ewer ever e er rode the i 1 0 o one had noticed her there at the end of the lake lahe walk amon among the care care- carefully carefully carefully fully cut shrubs I ilie tine moved mo moel el back bach and sine cime to the little summer and sat do down don n In It for her limbs would earn her no f farther The dreadful of the Pas tanos hid had all th tills this time Increased her wrath rath with ith Sic She Sh could not he bear Ir IrIt It for him to be In i t due daze to go about twit the air which had I I illian II n the night Llaine was horn born born Helpless hopeless J and nd confused She he couldn t stand the thought that he hewa wa was i 1 failure while the these thebe t were ere thick with success Ruby Huby Pa had PO power er He lie 10 loved ed money lIe He had it lie Ho was as dramatic and generous with it He lIe wanted It to show lIe He loved ed los ed to empty his pockets knowing knowing well welt where here he lae might refill them And ull all summer she hold had this man nuns s lc with ill Ills s she had holli shut her ears against storIes of political against tales of graft Mt and briber of vt nub Pa tuno olio ho way n with p policemen Growing ln Gro strong and well main aln with the chill dren blooming under the lie bene olence of this man whose bose kindness had been lOre acceptable to her lier tinn the kind kindness ness Dess of her lier own people bee bec lUse he be WIll was III a s friend and they were ere not he ehe had ne been Influenced By Margaret Weymouth Jackson JacIson iQ by Dobbs Co to vexation e be beyond ond measure that Pas tano should be so BO capable and 1 so 10 futile ow o vv wy her tear tears fell tell from her eyes In great scalding drops drop hat was as she Ernestine doing In this band of ot cutthroats and thieves thle All of ot Ruby Huby s ef- ef efficIency ef efficiency was as to her nothing now no but filthy rag rags All her relatIonship with Ith him him and ancl his family from the begin beginning beginning ning had been built on In lug were ere too far apart ot 1 e esen een en affection and liking not even esen e en re respect respect lect could coult bridge the gap p the dif difference ferene ference In Ideals In standards In pur purposes purposes purposes poses Tills This generous unscrupulous man bringing the victims of rapine so co unfalteringly Into the heart of his 0 own n home was wasill S I Hills ill III not frIend friend not hers She had Ind nothing In common with these people and she would ne newer never er hale ha e AntI And she had shut the door of her heart rt against t tier lier own o flesh and blood bec becu use e of 11 ill III s pride and hold had opened It to these these-these- these these She choked and her throat turned bitter with th gall at them Abl Abruptly she wis conscious of an anI I of ot patriotism Her IIer 0 own n people her her 0 own Ii kind I Americans strong decent successful ul ardent and clean kind Lind-kind Kind kind Incapable of murder mur murder tier der and ind plotting These foreigners cl ed cd upon them ill all as fat geese to be ed lid aid did not understand th the beI I COlli coinage age the cleanness the strength of 1 I She Slie hated them Ith a furious hatred The compulsion to be berid berid berid rid of them them-of them of ill all of them and Willas as well ell well cime upon her herShe She Slie was crying T TIn In terribly She ran back bac do down don n the beach path and came cameto cameto to Loring pIa playing plating Ing In the water with Ith and Peter leter Get Get the boat she slie said sobbingly I 1 w will Ill go o with Ith you S It was wonderful ondel ful to In the comfort and security of home at a rhe fhe children went wont of ocr happily with old oid Annie who ho had cared for Lillian an and I 1 when hen they were small and who ho hid I always s stayed with Ith mamma a privileged Hegel member of or the household I Illian lllian scarcely left Ernestine s side a moment planned phoned softly about going Into Chicago In the morning to set sot till ough to a n finish the details of the trust funds for his Ills two to girls Loring kept hIs distance reading and smoking b bithe the table at the far end of the long pOI porch ch Ernestine was almost asleep rela Ced anti and comfortable In her bod hod for the first time in many weeks and she was almost Inattentive e a to papas papa a s s voice olce oice go goIng going going Ing gents gently on with plans I I will III d deed ed the Sheridan road roadhouse roadhouse house 0 over oser er to you iou ou darling Mamma and I will be In ew evv ew 10 lork most of the time but when hen we are in Chicago o owe we will stay sta there with Ith sou ou Loring told u us that you ou would come hack sooner it if I withheld sour our settlement Something did ed ell In Ernestine Irnestine s sminda mind mind-a i sin sm ill sound as though a loel loell l bad been heen unbolted But she slie went v ent on onto onto onto to sleep calmly enough carrying do down don n with her lier Into Sito to unconsciousness her trouble and her lier pain Loring said she would come conic papa back back papa had hall been so co willing to obey obe her wish Ish about not ln ha her money because I oring oong said she would come bid the sooner cooner She Slie slept deeply eelI all through the thelon lie lon long evening e all through the night It was wis the first clear cleir flush of ot da dawnY dawni dawn dan n i Y v Abruptly the Car Had Entered the Inlet Road when slip she n awoke ohe sat at at up ups under the light CO cover corer er that mamma had thrown thron n 0 over er her there on the porch s swing sIng Ing and anel loot looked out acro across the tine water lter She Slie he 11 awoke ohe with Ith a n conviction cons fiction She could not do this She Site could not leas lea c a 11 ill III It wa was wag Impossible By B ll what route she had come to this con elusion she could not hive told But ButIn Butin Butin In her lier sleep bleep her true nature h ti id td is Itself and tier hor mind was filed fi She had done what she had resoled cd nl er to do She he had bad denied her mar marriage marriage Oh Oh not not I-not I not my true not self self m heart she slie he whispered I newer neer ne er deny dUlY III nor my 10 love lose e Ill I II go goback goback back beI rod to is-to to to be his Ills wife ICe for tor e eser- eser ever cr- cr no matter s what bat bat wi-as wi a She Sho he felt calm and strong now and could look with impersonal horror upon her ber defection In the clear lI light ht or of morning filled as IlS she was as with the com conviction tint that she must for tor eHr choose Will III against nil all the world orld fur Cur CurtI tI tier r understanding came to herAll her herAll All the these e months that she slie had bad been haling Hill 11 III 10 In him and loving losing and ind reo re- re reviling him him and saying such cruel things thIng It had been a n deep unknown desire for her mothers mother s home homo which loaded he lies he- heIt It had hall been rebellion against the continued humiliation of po erty and disappointment that their hopes and plans h li id td not matured thIs time Into success All her mental processes seemed loosened open low v from some orne canny Instinct she was wis s presented re ente witha with Ith Itha a new enlightenment She fahe he she was was slie had been worse worse than the women omen She hind hall been for months month under tinder the domination of i 1 i bitter jealous of his work or She Sho had been wounded because hIs activity It s 's was as secret prom from her She hind had loathed the mistress that Hint he lie for fol followed lowed Ills lils own career So wanting him liim to succeed and to earn money mone she hid not wanted him posses possessed ell with the preoccupation of such uch processes es She had Ind seen In his ga gaze that inward adoration which Is more obnoxious lous to toa toi a 1 woman s greed pride than another s lute luie e cm can e ewer ever er that be-that be that 10 lose e for or what hat he lie was wis doln doing th tint hit excluded chilled c Interest in his own mind All her lier 0 own n mind clear at list last In Intile Inthe inthe tile the limpid humility born Jorn of l failed III in intention If it not in con elusive e act she slie could reach a puce on which to plant her lier feet for e ever eer er as asfar far ur is lie he and she were concerned concel nell 11 hat have ha I to do with hisor his or work The ans answer anser er to th this question In the clear loble le of her mind released her herfor herfor for e over ewer er from the petty jealousies of the artist artists artist's wife Ife The answer was a tiling She Slie hind had nothing to do with ah his work orl nt at ill all It was wis his Ills own and she must 1 I now it The old unity she slie had Ind wanted to preserve e vas wis pos possible possible possible sible only as a kind hind of 0 over oer er unity not gOlD going into details It was as the ground on which love lose placed cell its Ib feet the sl sk abos abo aboe e a 10 loves loses e s head but not th lie secret of the h of the lie soul lIe He could not bear boar a child for her though his Ius 10 love lose e conceived concen ell it And was not the tho business of III hinging bringing fOI forth th something new ne and bright even if It were ere hut but i a comic strip for Cor the daily papers as secret and ind silent a process as that in which she slie wis now a again aln engaged They all knew she slie lIe was to bear belr another child But no one In Intruded intruded upon her lier privacy aey sa save sale e bv by the most discreet and apologetic kindness And ml might ht not the e processes ses of aJ artistry be as secret as 10 olun tars tan She hid Ind been resentful is pdt petti men were ere sometimes resentful of a worn om ins in's preoccupation and ind distress in ml ma maternity Will had been heen with her ber cas casual un I and Lind 1 Ind and she could accord him hm the lie same com tes She he wept ept afresh but not the dreadful scalding tears of the diy day before these were thanking tears distilled from a heart grown glOwn calm 1111 good again 0 God help me to be he a good w wife Ite- Ite help help me to be a good wife to toil hill il III 0 God Help me to und understand him to grow and change when hen life It of lice me ne Help me to be i a good wife She he went ent to the desk In tile lie corner wrote rote i g telegram tel I hive lase e left and im gm nt at s cottage with Ith the children Please e come tad ind get us toda today I I rne tine line She he wit 11 ened old Annie n tive 1 awe e her hermone money mone and sent ent her lier over 0 er to the hotel with Ith the message r The lid hid a 1 long talk tall on the bitch beich that afternoon Ernestine told toM ever tiling thing all nil that she sho had hind thought ind felt all nil that had hall happened the day before Loring Loring i s talk tall with her the murder car at Ia Insano tano s 8 her lier revulsion of feeling how she had come home and how In the night while she slept er e thing had straightened out for tor her III la In lay be hlo her In silence her hand hanL In his Ills and a again aln and again as she talked her fingers finers |